He says he loves me when I say it. He is going through the motions, but he seems to be distant. I've asked him about it and he just blows it off. I've found him on dating sites (some adult); he says he was just curious. I definitely don't want to hold on to someone that doesn't want to be with me, but I do love him. Should I continue to look for other signs, leave it alone or continue to confront him about this?
2007-09-23 18:54:19 · 9 answers · asked by Christina 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have 3 kids, and no he didn't marry me because I was pregnant. We have been married for 15 years.
I am trying to spice things up.
I love him and don't want him to feel like he is stuck because of the kids. It is just a feeling at this point.
2007-09-23 19:16:35 · update #1
If your relationship means anything to you, yeah, I'd confront him! But don't do it as an all out attack. Make plans for a special dinner out and rent a hotel room for the night. Make arrangements for the kids overnight. When you are alone, ask him how he feels about you honestly. Let him know that the dating sites bother you and ask him if he still finds that you are the love of his life. Ask him to be brutally honest with you and be brutally honest with him. It may really hurt, but you will know where you stand and if it turns out the way you hope it does, you get a romantic night in a hotel room. If it turns out the other way, you haven't had the conversation in front of the kids and will have the night to confront your own feelings.
2007-09-23 19:12:11 · answer #1 · answered by Shannon H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is an incredibly hard question because you do have the kids. It would be different if they weren't in the picture.
My husband and I have actually discussed this issue. We love each other but we aren't attracted to each other. So should we stay or go?
We gave it a trial run. He got his own apartment I stayed in our original one. It lasted about 2 months and it was actually refreshing and lest you take a breather from each other. It gives him time to think and you too away from each other.
Plus when you are married for a while you really do just go through the motions and its up to both of you to kick it back on track.
Talk to your husband!! Communication is a really good RX for a relationship because that is what most relationships lack. Don't do anything rash like leaving for good and going your own ways or dateing other people. If in 2 months or more you both decide your happier away from each other than it might be the right thing to do for you guys. I am no therapist so I cant say what would work for you guys or not. Also marriage councilor can work too! Only if both are willing.
Plus my view is that if you separate or divorce on good terms and move on with your life and maintain a good friendly relationship it will have a healthier impact on your children than living in a loveless marriage. It teaches your children the wrong way to go about a relationship.
Good Luck
2007-09-24 02:18:43 · answer #2 · answered by fleur_loser 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I were you, I would join the same site under another name and try to talk to him there since he won't open up to you maybe he will to a stranger. I think you need to seek a marriage counselor. Also did he marry you because you were pregnant or did he marry before you got pregnant? If he continues to be distant or doesn't want counseling you are better off by yourself. You don't need the stress of him cheating on you on your mind.
2007-09-24 02:03:56 · answer #3 · answered by ♥c0c0puffz♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Christina do you have enough love inside you to sustain the relationship/marriage for the both of you?
Him not saying I love you unless you say it 1st is a common occurence , but if you feel you cant keep it going emotionally then maybe it's time to sit him and ask him honestly what he wants and if he has conviction in his words when he says he wants you to stay then stay , if it seem's as if it's to much trouble to state he doesnt want you to go , or if he says if this is what you feel you need to do then I guess you have your answer and thats going to hurt like mad.Are you ready for it?
Me personally when he stopped saying I love you unless I said it 1st , my heart closed down and froze.
2007-09-24 02:11:34 · answer #4 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how you can live like that. Either work on your marriage or get out. Don't just go through the motions, living like strangers. That is awful. Talk to him. If he's willing, work on it. If not, end it. I wish you the best and God bless you.
2007-09-24 02:01:40 · answer #5 · answered by mamabear 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try to get him into counselling now before it gets too late.
keep the communication up with him, and find ways to keep the interest alive.
start dating him!!! set up some dating games with each other. agree to meet up at a sexy club or bar. get dressed at a friends house and then meet him there. try to imagine you've just met again, flirt with each other.
you both have to play for this to work properly.
2007-09-24 02:01:18 · answer #6 · answered by sass24 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should leave it alone. Wait until you have something more evident that he does not love you.
The last thing you want to do is let this take over your life and start investigating his love.
I had that happen and I hated it.
2007-09-24 02:06:13 · answer #7 · answered by moniquesexy75 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him to get and keep the house and get good lawyer and get support. he can do that and be gone. hes not having to love you and you dont' need that type of person take care.
2007-09-27 21:55:41 · answer #8 · answered by Tsunami 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I DON'T HAVE KID BUT FOR THAT REASON I WILL LEAVE.
((((((((((((((***********QLKM*******)))))))))))))))
2007-09-24 02:06:25 · answer #9 · answered by Dongfeng!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋