I've been separated from my husband for almost two months now. All he's been doing is crying and telling me how much he wants to get back together one minute and the next he's cursing me out because I'm asking him to get himself together.
When we were together he kept leaving in the middle of the night saying that he was visiting friends at 1am and coming home at 6-7am. I kept asking if he was cheating and ofcourse he denied it.
After we were separated I went to his house one morning and there was another female there. I asked her how long had she been messing with my husband and she said since his birthday which was while we were together.
He told me he was not messing around with this female anymore but today I drove by his home and her car was in the driveway.
Why won't he just be honest and tell me he has someone else and let me move on.
He gets very upset when he even thinks I'm with another person.
2007-09-23 18:35:26 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Let me just say I've gotten responses telling me not to drive by his house to see what he is doing. I DONT do that. I know its hard to believe that a typical woman who has been cheated on is actually not crazy but I'm not. I was coming home from the movies and his house is on the street that is on my way home.
I don't need to check up on him like that but it just so happens that I say that by accident. So please no more advice about not driving by his house on purpose. I DON'T DO THAT!
2007-09-24 05:46:13 · update #1
He is not cheating; he is only having some recreational sex. That is good for him and does not harm you. He cannot cheat because if he gets another woman pregnant he cannot fool you into believe that you are the mother. However, women can and do fool men into believing they are the father of a child sired by another man. Therefore, you can cheat, but he cannot.
2007-09-23 19:14:49 · answer #1 · answered by John 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
He doesn't know just how bad it hurts to be cheated on, no one does unless it happens to them. I think your husband needs to no just how it feels to be cheated on. I'm not saying to actually do it just make him think you are. Maybe just maybe if all the cheaters in the world got cheated on themselves maybe it would stop or at best get cut in half. Your husband is the kind of man who will never stop cheating because he thinks it's a god given right for a man to sleep with more then one woman. The only thing he is sorry for is getting caught. I bet his dad cheated on his mother. Any husband that goes out 1:00am what do you think he is doing and why did you let him go out or did he not care what you said he was going to go out regardless. In your heart you knew he was cheating on you you just wanted it so bad not to be true.I know how it feels to be cheated on I still cry when i think about it even though it's been 10 years it still hurts after all these years.
2007-09-24 02:53:24 · answer #2 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's obvious that your husband is being very selfish and wants it all. He wants to string you along to keep you as his wife, but he still wants to be able to play the field. He is going to keep doing this until you put your foot down.
You can't wait for him to let you go...you have to let him go. He is showing you that he doesn't respect your feelings by stringing you along while cheating. If you don't just end things, he is going to think that this behavior is acceptable to you and he will never change.
Move on with your life and stop driving by to see what he is up to. This will upset him more than anything because he will see that you really don't care about him any more.
Why do men do it? Who knows. They want the wife who will stand by them through anything and who will always be there when their other relationships fail.
2007-09-24 06:36:54 · answer #3 · answered by torn 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, I so know where you are. I have been separated from my husband for 11 months. I found out one week after I left that I was pregnant with our 2nd child. To make matters worse, he didn't even TRY to get back with me and started sleeping around pretty close to immediately.
Unfortunately for us, we can't turn our feelings off the way that these men seem to be able to. If he's still lying and still cheating with this woman, then he's not worth it. You know he's not even being careful by allowing that woman to park her car in his driveway. You know he's lying. You know that he's been doing this since before you broke up. I know that you probably love him (believe me, I do know that feeling), but honestly, you need to look at whether you're okay with this or not and stick with it. If you choose to look the other way now, expect him to continue with his affair whether you get back together or not. Good luck, Hon.
2007-09-24 01:49:10 · answer #4 · answered by Shannon H 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They do it for the same reason people make sweeping generalizations, though obviously on different levels. Both are self-serving. Men cheat because it serves to satisfy their hard-wired urges which are in no way congruent with a monogamous life-style, despite knowing full-well that it flies in the face of morality, responsibility and decency. You are making a very broad generalization because it serves to rationalize and justify the hate and contempt you feel for all of mankind right now. Clearly one is more drastic and destructive than the other, but dwelling on any negative emotion can be destructive as well, regardless of how legitimate a cause for it you may have. OK, thats my response to the question in your title, lets move on.
Obviously you do have a real problem here, but I think we can find a solution by focusing on one single phrase out of all of what you said.
"let me move on"
Let you move on? Girl its over, you do what you like now. Hes not making you do anything, and you definitely dont need to be waiting for him to "let" you do anything.
2007-09-24 02:25:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
He probable wants what both of you have to offer. You may fulfill one need he has and she may fulfill another. He wants his cake and eat it too. He is selfish. He should be man enough to tell you so you can decide if you want to accept what he has to offer. There is a good site call marriagebuilders.com that has an article about why people have affairs.
Since you know he is a liar, I would leave and not look back.
Good luck.
2007-09-24 02:00:11 · answer #6 · answered by Nicole 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about the problem in your marriage.
I can tell you that not all men are like your estranged husband (shame on him for screwing up yet not admitting it).
Since you have enough evidence that points out to his infidelity, perhaps it's about time you need to decide what next step you need to make... and move on with your life.
You deserve a better life... and a better man.
Good luck!:)
2007-09-24 01:50:55 · answer #7 · answered by Maxelimus 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Somehow, men seem to separate sex and love as if they have nothing to do with each other. I don't understand it, but they do it all of the time. He could well love you, but never be faithful to you. If he is a cheater, he will continue to be one. Don't fall for the crying and lying. Just move on and tell him to do the same.
2007-09-24 01:41:02 · answer #8 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
it seems like he can't take responsibility for his life or his actions. he wants everything, and he doesn't consider consequences to anyone.
perhaps he wants you to leave so he doesn't have to end it? that's really common, and ti would fit with his behavioiur.
you're so better off without him.
i've read some of your answers before and you seem really intelligent and wise, and very likeable. Typical, nice girl meets b*st*rd.
Move on honey, you deserve better, you know that too.
2007-09-25 02:52:12 · answer #9 · answered by sass24 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, he doesn't have to tell you now. Don't even ask him anymore. Focus on yourself, and making yourself a better person. Your own happiness is your sweetest revenge. If one day he does actually get himself together you can see how you feel about him then.
2007-09-24 01:43:42 · answer #10 · answered by im sure 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋