Frustrated............?

Question

I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 years. I'm currently in my last semester of college and I just got a full-time job. The job pays crap and I'm not lying either. But, it's a foot in the door at a company w/ loads of personal growth potential.

My boyfriend works full-time. We both had financial difficulties, but mine are almost cleared up. His should take another 6 months to clear up.

I'm frustrated b/c I feel like we are at a great time in our lives to move to the next step. A wedding won’t be able to happen until at least 2009, but I feel an engagement is appropriate at this time.

When I bring it up he says, "I know we want to be together. But, we both still have a lot of things to work out in our personal lives (mainly financial and w/ job security)"

I just don't feel content with this answer. But, I don't want to pressure him either. Like I said, I'd be willing to have a 18 month engagement.

Also, I've decided to give our relationship and "expiration date" if you will. Not to be cold or selfish. But, I've decided if no proposal has happened by late 2008 or early 2009...which will be around our 4.5-5 year mark. I'm ending our relationship.

I'm just not going to invest more then 5 years in a relationship that isn't headed for marriage.

Am I right in this? I'm not letting him know about this. But, I've decided this for myself.

What do you think about that?

What should I do? Like I said, I don't want to pressure him into marrying me, if he truly (meaning in terms of money/job security) isn't ready.

What should I say in a conversation to him about all of this, without sounding like I'm going to leave him in the dust.

I REALLY DO LOVE HIM...we've been together 3 years and be through LOTS of personal pain/family crisis and heartbreak.

But, I'm not waiting around for him to marry me either. We are 24 (me) and 30(him)

We don't live together and yes...there is some (small, but there) upside pressure. I feel it, I don't know about him.

Answer 1

He is not going to marry and you are already past you prime in desirability. Your boyfriend might have married you three years ago. You were younger and new. With guys new is always better, more desirable, and more exciting. There is no reason to marry you when he can find someone that's new and better.

Once you get past age 25, guys you would have thrown rocks at when you were 18 to 21 and guys that would have gladly have married you, will no longer find you attractive enough to marry. That is just the way it is. You can make yourself feel better by lying to yourself and believing that men prefer older women; however, if you just think about it and observe, you know that women of age 26 cannot compete with women that are 18 to 21. If college, if you will just open your eyes, you will notice how guys go google-eyed over freshmen girls; far more than they do over girls that are seniors and graduate students.

You are a typical lady. You expect that men are like you and will only date and have sex with someone they are willing to marry. However, the truth is that, while both men and women marry their equals, women date up and men date down. You are good enough for sex, but you are not good enough to marry. You are dating up; he's dating down.

If you were special and he thought he struck gold and that you were the best he could get, he would have proposed a long time ago. As it is, he is telling you what he thinks you will buy so he can have sex with you . However, he knows or believes he can do better. If a guy thought he was doing good, he would not take a chance on losing you. He would want to marry you NOW and finances of lack thereof would be the last thing on his mind.

If the sex is good you can continue to use your boyfriend to satisfy your desires, but before you get older and you have to lower your standards even more, you need to look for an equal; that is, a guy that thinks he is doing well. If you think you are doing well, there is almost no chance that the guy will marry you.

Answer 2

Are you sleeping with him? Living with him? Those things take most of the commitment motivation right out of a guy.

Good thing you've given yourself a time table, or you'll likely be languishing in this static relationship stage forever. I'm not trying to be cruel, just realistic. You've been together for a long time, and if you both want to be together, there's no reason at all not to be engaged right now.

Answer 3

Mentally frustrated

Answer 4

It seems that you've allowed unholy thoughts to conquer your mind. I agree with you that it's the right time for engagement but that doesn't mean that you should think of the worst in another 5 years' time. Maybe he'll propose to you one of these days. Now that you're more financially secured than he, perhaps you would want to be a woman behind him, helping him to achieve what he wants to achieve in life instead of wasting time thinking of the worst in times to come...he needs your encouragement and affirmation most at this point of time...so be relax and give him some time...Rome is not built in a day, as the saying goes...if you love him, then wait...i'm sure he wants to give you a promising future...believe in yourself and believe in him and the blessings wlll flow ultimately

Answer 5

Youre both being a little cold and selfish. After this much time he should be at least bringing up marriage, and the timetable your setting up isnt going to jelp either.

Answer 6

I think you need to wait 'till you graduate get yourselves settle and out of this financial situation you write about and then start asking when. Your time frame is reasonable so long as you don't tell him that you have one. Are you feeling pressure from friends and family?

Answer 7

no you got your answer. that is sad but hey you are wasting your time get out and find a new love that is what i would think good luck