I am trying to cut ties with an ex of mine, and it's hard. Well tonight he took it really hard and threatened to kill himself and said "Tell my dad I love him", ect.
Well..I felt like I had no choice but to take the bait so I calmed him down and told him we can work on it (which is a lie, I want nothing to do with him)..this is not the first time he has done this when we were together we would have an occasional explosive argument and he would threaten to hurt himself.
I'm so pissed that I have to play along tonight, but I don't want to risk it in case he actually will hurt himself. This is a red flag, is it not?
2007-09-23 16:52:25 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
yes it is a big red flag and its his way of manipulating you into doing what he wants you to, next time he does this call the cops and tell him hes threatening to hurt himself
2007-09-23 17:00:18 · answer #1 · answered by ihurtmyhand 4 · 6⤊ 1⤋
Listen, the guy's a nutter. Just be lucky he didn't pull out a gun and kill you in cold blood; I've heard of that happening.
This girl told her boyfriend, it was over. He told her if she doesn't love him, she can't love anyone esle; pulled out a gun and shot her in cold blood.
Let me ask you a question. You know he's like this, why did you go back? Between you and me we both know he's not going to do no such thing.
Listen I hate to be a bad sport here, but why did you start this all over again in the first place. I would just call it a yellow flag. Sorry my answer seems so rough; only this is how I see it.
Just understand there are times when a small white lie is necessary.
2007-09-23 20:47:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you need a thrid party, a professional, at your next meeting in order to disconnect yourself. If he's sucessfully manipulated you already, then you are going to feel guilty if he does hurt himself. By bringing along a professional councelor to your next encounter and then spilling EVERYTHING including the threats, you're setting up a situation in which he might feel free to continue talking to a councelor about his issues (without you). Don't tell him though, just arrange to have this councelor meet you guys accidentally somewhere.
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I really like what Manny said: "next time he threatens to kill himself call the police and say he's threatening suicide. You've just done your civic duty."
More than that, the embarrassmant (if he's fakking) might be enough to shake him out of this pattern. And if its not, then he really does need their help. If he threatens again, call and don't be talked out of it.
2007-09-23 18:04:22 · answer #3 · answered by Nash 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes...it's a red flag. He's more apt to hurt you than he is to hurt himself. He's manipulating you (and that's a form of "control"). My ex-husband put me through the same thing when we were going through our divorce. He even went so far as to set up a "fake" suicide scenario that looked so real to me that I called for an ambulance. He was totally fine. He hadn't hurt himself at all...he just wanted me to think that he did. Pretty sick, eh?
I agree also with most of the answers here so far...esp. Super Ruper's answer!
2007-09-23 17:07:28 · answer #4 · answered by It's Ms. Fusion if you're Nasty! 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Is there a chance thet you actually enjoy the power to make him miserable , take him back , and save his life , and get his attention ?
Tell his best friend or parents about the suicide threats . And LEAVE the relationship . Tell him it is obvious to you that YOU have become a person who can no longer stay in this relationship and be happy .Tell him you are sorry that you have changed but you know you will never chang back , only forward . Get an order of protection if he doesn't leave you alone .
2007-09-23 19:03:44 · answer #5 · answered by allure45connie 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Way back when I was an undergraduate psychology student, I was taught that when someone threatens to commit suicide - whether as to manipulate others or to get attention, or is genuinely considering it - we should report it to the authorities. That way, if there is a genuine need for mental help, the person will get it. And if it was out of manipulation, then you are calling his bluff.
Seriously, if anyone you _want_ in your life (whether it be a friend or relative or boyfriend) tells you he is suicidal, you should get professional help for him. At that point in a depression, the brain's chemistry is out of whack, leaving what we think of as a mental illness to be a truly physical issue, that needs to be dealt with both medically and with psychological counseling. So it is the right thing to do for someone you love. Unless you have the training and ability to provide all of that yourself, your loved one needs some outside help.
And if it is just a ploy for attention, or to manipulate you, well, the last thing the person should get is the kind of intense, undivided attention from you that a suicide watch involves. It's like giving in to a spoiled toddler just to stop the tantrum. But in this case, it will leave the suicide hoaxster to deal with authorities who will not be amused. But it does put matters out of your hands as well as shows the person he can't make you fold and give in to him.
I'm not saying this is an easy course of action: It's scary, and painful. But ultimately it is a way that will allow for clean healing.
2007-09-23 17:38:16 · answer #6 · answered by Windi Lea 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
That is a red flag and it is a danger sign to you as well as him' it maybe that its just talk to get you to stay with him. It also is a dangerous situation for you, He may be the 'if I can't have her no one else will" type. Contact his father and tell him what is going on and that you are cutting ties with him. That it is his father's issue to deal with. Move in with a friend for a week or so and cut off contact with him, Do not answer any phone calls, screen all your calls. Be careful it is better to be safe than sorry. Good Luck!!
2007-09-23 21:17:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Why have you been going with him in the first place? There must have been some reason you liked him before, or are you just a modern day [sluut] woman that just wants to do whatever she wants regardless of who gets hurt? Obviously you are a liar, you said so yourself, so all of this does apply to you. You should have thought about all of this before you got into the relationship. Maybe [but I doubt it] next time you will think before you get into another relationship and treat someone like sh!t. Life is a 2 way street, deal with it. Oh God forbid you should ever have to feel guilty because someone hurt themselves over your ignorance, huh?
2007-09-23 17:56:43 · answer #8 · answered by samuraijsp 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He has threatened suicide before and will again. That is 1 thing that you know.
Another thing that you know is that you no longer want to have any relationship with him.
I believe that he is playing you and is probably very selfish and not enjoyable to be around. Honestly I don't believe that he will kill himself if you leave. But the truth is that He is responsible for his decisions. Do what you have to.
Best wishes and good luck.
Edit 1 more thing to think about: Trust me you care more for him than he does for you..
2007-09-23 17:19:29 · answer #9 · answered by ♥ ~Sigy the Arctic Kitty~♥ 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wow I hope you find a way out! This person needs help. But if he is going to commit suicide if you break contact he could be telling the truth. Sometimes it just takes one thing to go wrong and that will trigger a suicide. But if he is truly in that kind of state of mind then without help he will most likely commit suicide Whether you give in or not. Now whether or not you contributed to his emotional state I don't know {not an accusation}. It is his responsibility to mind his own mental health and seek counseling. I think for your own sake I would notify a suicide hotline and they can guide you far better than we can. Best of luck to you and I hope everything works out for the both of you.
2007-09-23 19:06:26 · answer #10 · answered by Chevalier 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yes. Anyone who threatens to kill themselves over a relationship is a manipulator and not mentally stable. cut the ties as soon as possible, change your phone numbers if need be and don't look back. If he actually does do himself some harm it will not be your fault. He is in control of his own self. Do not be drawn into his guilt trip. Good Luck.
2007-09-23 17:02:59 · answer #11 · answered by rcsanandreas 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋