okay, first of all i don't want any stupid answers, i want serious answers only. I've had this girl friend (not girlfriend) who was a family friend of mine which i've known for five years. I thought i knew her really well, but apparently not. i feel a little shocked about what i found out about her on the internet; i'll never be able to look at her in the same way. I don't know what to do because i feel responsible for her well being, and it seems like she has no support from anyone and she always makes harmful choices. I don't know how to deal with this. I don't want to confront her, because she'll probably start to cry. please help!
2007-09-23 16:39:31 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
you need to know more? wtf is wrong with you guys... okay, she was having sex with a guy who was thirty years older than her. She's 18. before all you annoying @ssholes say that its her body and whatnot, i've known her family, her dad, her mom, her sisters, her other friends, and i've met her boyfriend (who's not the guy she was having sex with). Everyone for a long time. And i do feel responsible. Because she's made other past mistakes (drugs, etc), and she's regretted them. The problem is that she has low self esteem and i don't know how to help her, because she does need help. And her parents don't care about her anymore. But she's been my friend for a long time and i don't want to just say "whatever its her life". This girl needs serious help.
2007-09-23 17:11:30 · update #1
OK shes your friend but she needs to think about what she wants in life she can keep up with what she is doing or she can try and help her self because you cant help her unless she is willing to try and help her self just be a good friend give her ideas about what choices to make which are good and bad yes she might start crying but you need to talk to her
she is 18 and can do what ever she wants she don't need her parents she needs a job,so she can get a house and get away from the sh-it, and some good friends but like i said you cant help her unless she is willing to help her self
2007-09-24 03:50:03 · answer #1 · answered by keket 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your friend is not close to her family and doesn't have the support she needs - then this is probably the reason she is acting out. (looking for whatever is missing from the wrong people) I would talk to her and let her know of your concerns and I would encourage her to reunite with her family if possible.
It's difficult to answer you with a solution as you have not given enough detail. Family is what helps someone to stay grounded even though these days kids think they don't need family. They do. Desperate people do desperate things.
Try to get her to go to her family. If something really bad happens to her and you haven't tried to help you will always feel you should have done something.
Added: why do you think her parents don't care about her anymore? 18 year olds are renowned for not being rational and fighting with their parents. Sometimes they are too stubborn to ask for help when they need it.
2007-09-23 17:00:10 · answer #2 · answered by flip 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would help to know more about the situation. What kinds of things did you find out about her? Why do you feel responsible for her? If you really think she has no one else to turn to then you need to talk to her and let her know that you are there for her and will help her through this. Maybe she will cry but at least she won't be alone anymore now that she will have someone that is really there for her.
2007-09-23 16:48:33 · answer #3 · answered by sunny 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not responsible for someone else's choices. Friends don't confront they are supportive. If she is making harmful choices then see past that to what has driven her to make such choices. Another person judging her she doesn't need. Her actions don't reflect on you, can she rely on you to be there as a friend or not. Just because you wouldn't make the same choices doesn't necessarily make it wrong only different. Stop loking through your eyes and look through hers.
2007-09-23 16:50:39 · answer #4 · answered by Pure Star 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want real help I need to know what the problem is,you wouldn't go to a doctor and say i need meds.without telling him what your problem is would you so why do it here. I will tell you this don't ever assume you know someone unless you can read minds that's the only way. You will learn as you get older that after awhile nothing but nothing will surprise you what people are capable of.
2007-09-23 16:54:36 · answer #5 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like she needs professional help. Besides you already know she is going to cry if you confront her so if she has not asked your for help and you are so close that she has not told you about the geezer she is boinking then whats it to you? If you confront her she is just going to push you away and since your are close family friend as well you will just look like the meddling over concerned doting male friend. So until she comes to your MYOB.
2007-09-23 17:39:15 · answer #6 · answered by kaypendeha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, you call yourself a friend. Whatever harmful choice your concerned about-as a friend you should confront her about it. So what if she cries, maybe no one has cared enough to confront her about her poor choices. She may get angry with you, and you may never know if you made a difference, but at least you tried.
2007-09-23 16:48:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to evaluate your reasons for wanting to be around this person. Do you want to be platonic friends or become romantically involved? If you want to be platonic friends, it's okay for you to remain friends with this person. However there needs to be boundaries. 1) Don't loan money to this person. You'll sadly probably never see it again. 2) Know your limits. Don't let this person drag you down with them. 3) Don't drink with the person. You don't want to encourage their drinking problem. 4) If they reach your limit cut off contact with the person. You need to be your priority. If you want a romantic relationship and are waiting to be the other woman or for him to come to his senses about his girlfriend, this is not okay. He is with this other girl and you need to respect that whether or not you think it is a good idea. And you deserve to be with someone who will care about you and want to be with you and only you. If he will cheat on her, don't worry, the time will come where someone better than you will come around and he will cheat on you. Take care of yourself.
2016-05-17 07:40:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to answer this because you don't give much info....I would suggest that since you are good friends that you talk to her and express your concern as her friend and support her. Even if she cries, you can be there for her in her time of need.
2007-09-23 16:47:28 · answer #9 · answered by teelob 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are true friend you will advise her
even if that means she will cry , its better she cry because of some one telling her what to do be4 she start crying her eyes out because of the bad choices she is making . be a real friend and talk to her
2007-09-23 16:51:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋