I cant be in a relationship?

Question

I cant be in a relationship?
i was in a relationship that ended terribly. i havent dated in a while and when a man tries to "get to know me better" i find a reason to not talk to that person again whats wrong with me?

Answer 1

You will be doing yourself a great disservice if you deny yourself future relationships due to a bad ending of a relationship. If you do, you are letting that partner run your life and deny you the happiness you deserve.

The reasons that most relationships fail are because A) We make bad choices on who we date and B) There is poor communication in the relationship.

I will start with communication skills. The most successful relationship generally feature open, honest communication between both parties. When you communicate with each other, you try to minimize the number of arguments and disagreements you have by discussing the issues tactfully and to the point with your partner. You intentionally avoid traps like name calling, insults, low blows, sarcasm in anger, yelling and putting each other down because those will only cause emotional scars and make the argument worse. These traps cannot possibly help resolve the issues but they can destroy relationships.

When it comes to choosing a partner, you should make 2 lists. The first list is all the qualities that you hope to find in your potential mate. The second list includes the negative qualities that you do not want to accept form a potential partner. Some of these qualities may be superficial and others should be quite serious. Your positive list might look like this:
My partner will be taller than me (superficial, but ok for this list)
My partner will respect me (should be very important on your list)
My partner will be humorous and make me laugh (this may be important or superficial on your list)
My partner will be a good communicator (should be very important on your list)
My partner will always be honest with me (should be very important on your list)…

You negative list might look like this:
I will not accept it if my partner lies to me (should be very important on your list)
I will not accept it if my partner cheats on me (should be very important on your list)
I will not accept it if my partner shouts at me (should be very important on your list)
I will not accept it if my partner is abusive to me - sexually, physically or emotionally (should be very important on your list). …
I will not accept it if my partner puts me down (should be very important on your list)
I will not accept it if my partner likes to make me jealous (should be very important on your list). …

Once you have your lists, keep your eyes open for these qualities when you date others. Give every man that you have any interest in the same respect and chance that you would want them to give to you.

When you are dating a new partner, you should do periodic evaluations about your mate and make two more lists about your current partner (or about your last partner if this helps). Again, these lists are the positive and negative lists about their personal qualities that you like or dislike. Once you have both lists made, use each quality in the following phrase: My ideal mate is a man (or woman) who…

Your positive list night look like this:
My ideal mate is a man (or woman) who always treats me with respect.
My ideal mate is a man (or woman) who makes me laugh.
My ideal mate is a man (or woman) who is shorter than me.
My ideal mate is a man (or woman) who gets along well with my friends.
My ideal mate is a man (or woman) who has great communication skills.
My ideal mate is a man (or woman) who is proud to be with me.

Your negative list might look like this:
My ideal mate is a man (or woman) who hangs out with their friends more than they hang out with me. (This would not be my ideal mate)
My ideal mate is a man (or woman) who frequently lies to me. (Really? Would you trust a mate who lies to you?)
My ideal mate is a man (or woman) who is unfaithful to me. (HUH?????)
My ideal mate is a man (or woman) who is sexually, physically and/or emotionally abusive to me. (HUH?!?!?!?!?!?)
My ideal mate is a man (or woman) who does not respect me. (Really?)
My ideal mate is a man (or woman) who does not dress well. (Superficial but this can be resolved with good communication).

When you see the red warning lights in your head telling you that the quality your mate (or potential mate) is displaying goes against your grain, pay attention to it and decide if that action can be corrected through open communication or not. If it is a major character flaw, do not even try to change the person or you will likely be hurt. There is an old saying: “A leopard never changes it's spots” People with major character flaws generally do not change. An abuser will be an abuser. A cheater will be a cheater. This is not to say that they never change. It is just hard for them to change. If you are “victimized” by one of these people, chances are good that they will not change. If you see these faults before you get married, you know that you are in the wrong relationship and it is time to get out.

When you are dating a new person, insist on meeting their friends and family and privately ask them about your partner. If they seem nervous about giving glowing praise of your partner, you probably have the wrong partner. If everybody tells you how great your partner is, you probably have a good partner.

The good news is that when you choose wisely about who you will date, you can frequently avoid the bad seeds before you get too close to them and you enhance your changes of finding a great partner.

Feel free to email me if you have another questions. Suzy biotch! hehe, You are also invited to email me if you have any other questions.

All the best to you!

Answer 2

There is nothing wrong with you. Obviously your previous relationship must've caused you quite a bit of pain when it ended, and your wounds are still raw! The fact that you find you can't get close to ppl shows that you are not totally over what happened!
Give yourself time, one day you will find that you've gotten close to someone without even realising it, but in the mean time, don't be too hard on yourself and stress out, you will move on eventually it just takes time!!!

Answer 3

I been here! I think before anything ends we pretty much see it commin months before it happens. So we mentally prepair ourselves for it at the same time we notice something not working. example you suspect your partner of cheating in May but you don't have the facts but you keep telling yourself if he is your leaving for sure over and over again. So just say you find out he is and its july, your guard has been up since may and you think it won't hurt as much to leave ( which does ease the pain and dissapointment ). But what we don't think about is that guard dosen't come down as easy as it went up! it could stay up for years and threw many different relationships and the negitive part in this COULD BE that if he isn't cheating then you kinda set yourself up for failure because eventually you will push him to it or away just to prove yourself right! And guess what? The guard is still up! It takes alot to bring it down and a lot of self evaluation!

Answer 4

She would not choose you to get injury and that's exactly what she's carried out. If she will't cope with it, why get in it? tell her which you would be able to cool it for a mutually as until eventually she feels settled or maybe purely go away her to touch you yet by way of then you definately may well be over her. Is she frightened of dedication and seriousness in a courting? i'm specific it rather is style of of a marvel to you. i understand the style you experience. Love sucks! be sturdy. you will get by way of this. i are conscious of it rather is no longer hassle-free. purely meet some new human beings and have exciting. Love will come searching for you.

Answer 5

I think you worry too much, you are just picky, and that is a good thing.
If you don't wan't some one to "get to know you better" He is not the one. When the nice one comes along and you really want to chance getting to know him.... you will.
But, maybe your afraid of the breaking up and being hurt. So you cut it off before it starts.
I think alot of people are like that.
You gotta be picky these days, but, you gotta give life a chance.
Before you get older, and lose your confidence.
Good Luck,

My saying "It's not easy"

Answer 6

You're not ready yet. Too often people don't listen to their gut. When the time is right, you'll know. You'll feel it. Just remember though, when the time comes that you are ready, doesn't mean the other person will be. Sad but true!

Answer 7

There's nothing wrong with you. It's just you are defensive now. Just give this person a try who knows it will be a blessing for you.

Answer 8

maybe your worried you will get hurt again

just try and calm yourself when a person is trying to get to know you better
and be yourself
and if they ask tell them that you may not be ready for another relationship
but try to be their friend anyways

Answer 9

Sounds like you were hurt badly and haven't had enough time to heal. Don't worry this will change with time.

Answer 10

just tired and scared of getting hurt again

give it time and until then just find someone who really wants to be just friends