We have to write a sonnet about being "heartbroken" for English class. Can you tell meif it is too vulgar to submit (its based on one of my relationships).. It has to be 14 lines. here it is:
Day and night, night and day.
Thinking about you and what you did.
Thinking of all the games we would play.
Now that I'm succesful how can I celebrate it?
You are no longer here!
In your eyes I never made it.
How can I transmit my troubled mind?
Now its time to reflect.
Your nose is full of cocaine, its over, too bad you could not abstain; I will not sit here in disdain.
Your face, I will not remember.
Its time to move on and you were WRONG
Like Wyclef, I'll be gone until November.
But look at the bright side, your girlfriend is still showing me her thong.
2007-09-23 15:16:47 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
Parts of the poem seem to rhyme, but then others don't. I'm not sure that has good flow. I'm not sure as to what a sonnet contains. "Day and night, night and day. Thinking about you and all that you say. Taking up time and making up games. Success to you is throwing out names. I look back and your no longer here. Your numb nose, swollen from drugs. The decay in your eyes, I feel my heart tug. Soon I will not recall your face. It's time to move on at my own pace.. Like Wyclef, I'll be gone til' November but remember the bright side it's you I will never remember." Maybe something like that?
2007-09-23 15:43:07 · answer #1 · answered by Scarlett 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not bad. Not nearly as vulgar as some of the gansta rap crap I've heard on the radio. You need to write it structured 4-4-2-4 lines rather than spaces between each line so it's easier to follow Try to find a better rhyme than "it" and "reflect". Other than that it is pretty good actually. I dunno exactly what your teacher is looking for but I'd give you a B for it.
Scarlett made some really good points, too.
2007-09-23 22:51:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i thought you said it was vulgar. first off its not vulgar at all i wish i had some copies of the stuff i wrote in high school which were a lot more vulgar then this
2007-09-23 22:32:48 · answer #3 · answered by wrenchbender19 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is this a high school class or college? I'd submit it to a prof, but probably not a high school teacher.
2007-09-23 22:22:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't find it vulgar, but you can expect a visit from a school counselor if you do submit it.
2007-09-23 22:46:50 · answer #5 · answered by guru 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the teacher. If it's a guy and has a great sense of humor, go for it. (mad eme laugh)
2007-09-23 22:24:47 · answer #6 · answered by ak_gamer0615 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
are you sure this is a sonnet?
and if you are questioning if it's too vulgar then i suppose it is.
2007-09-23 22:20:47 · answer #7 · answered by YY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no it seems perfectly ok. if your teacher has a artistic bent of mind she should appreciate it.
2007-09-24 05:05:33 · answer #8 · answered by tony 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it seems okay, i don't think it's too vulgar. there's not swearing, or sex details.
2007-09-23 23:03:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It don't sound vulgar.
Don't sound like a poem either.
2007-09-23 22:32:51 · answer #10 · answered by Tigger 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋