Ok, short & simple question, my finance has just about lost all interest in "fooling around" should I go ahead & move on or try and work things out? It's other issues too, we argue over my business a lot, heck, lately we argue about lots of things...it's so strange to me how "interested" in me she was until we got a house, cars, etc. I now work 10X more than I've ever worked while she works less and less.....I'm just tired of hearing the same old lame empty promises....we've been together for almost 4 years now....
2007-09-23 14:54:28 · 36 answers · asked by charlie m 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, what do you want? Luckily you are not married yet, no kids. Why are you staying? You are seeing her for who and what she is in these kinds of situations. You need to ask yourself "do I want to be with this woman for the rest of my life and possibly have children with her"? Tough questions but you can do it and move on. There are plenty of women out there. YOU deserve happiness and a good relationship. Everyone does.
2007-09-23 15:09:06 · answer #1 · answered by jewels 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to her and tell her how you are feeling. If she is having doubts or her feelings have changed then it is better to know it now before you get married. If you are not happy with the way things are now then you will not be happy after marriage. However things change after two people have been together for a while. At first there is always alot of sex and closeness but then it seems to kind of fade away. Life starts to take over such as work and paying bills ect. So maybe you need to take some time off from work and plan a weekend get-away to talk and catch up on the things that have been missing. It takes work to keep the fire in a relationship and sometimes we get to busy to see that it is fading. Try talking and spending some time together and if it does not help then decide what to do.
2007-09-23 15:15:42 · answer #2 · answered by tami j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She could have lost interest due to the fact that you work so much. How much time are you actually spending together? If she is unhappy then fights are going to happen even about little things. Maybe now is just not the right time for you to get married. Maybe you just want to focus on your career. It will be work to get your relationship back to where it was. You should go to couples counseling. If you can't communicate about your problems then there is no hope. If you want to work to work things then do it. If you are sick of trying then maybe his relationship is not for you. There is no promise things can get better. If you are having serious doubts then get out now before you marry because it will be so much harder then. Only you know how you truly feel and if you really want to spend the rest of your life with this person.
2007-09-23 15:09:13 · answer #3 · answered by walkerhound03 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time to go. Once someone loses interest in making love to you its time to move-on. Its the ultimate symptom of unhappiness and your resentment is building, hence the references to working hard and her working less.
Arguing is usually a result of someone wanting to leave but not having the courage. If you marry her things will get worse not better.
The arguments aren't the issue. The issue is that neither one of you is happy with the other.
4 years is a long time so its hard for either of you to imagine being apart. This is not a reason to be together. At the very least take some time for yourself so you can figure out what you want. LOL
2007-09-23 15:08:24 · answer #4 · answered by Dawnmarie K 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm in the exact same situation as we speak and hes moving out on the 1st. When its over its over. All we do is argue and say hateful things . Unfortunately there is a 16 month old involved. But Id rather us be separated than my son hearing us fight all the time and the friction between us is just unbearable. Im so bored with this relationship and honestly feel that Im just not made to be married.
2007-09-23 15:01:03 · answer #5 · answered by heysanj75 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't know if this will help, but this is a basic breakdown of a couple of differences between males and females.
MALES: prefer (perhaps need) to spend the first 30+ minutes home from work etc being solitary. They may be watching TV or something, but they aren't really paying attention because they're trying to mentally distance themselves from work or whatever.
FEMALES: prefer to talk A LOT the first 30+ minutes home from work etc. Talking about what happened is their way of "getting it out of their systems" and they are NOT trying to get you to solve their problems. For females, once they verbalize what's been bothering them (or chat about the fun they had) they can feel free to let go of the day's events and become adjusted to being at home (or with their boyfriend etc)
These are each sex's preferred way to "decompress" at the end of the day, etc.
Neither behavior is an attempt to offend the opposite sex, but females often misinterpret the males' distaste for conversation when they get home as "not opening up to her." I myself used to think that if my husband loved me, he'd talk to me about his problems from that day and maybe he'd feel better. I lived and learned, and now we get along much much better!
2007-09-23 15:06:07 · answer #6 · answered by ☺ . CIEL . ☺ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to tell you this but it's not going to get better. Don't marry her. Evidently, the romance has worn off and your not even married yet. Counseling might help. Better you find out now than after you get married and you better end things now before she becomes a common law wife. In some states it is 5 years.
2007-09-23 15:04:43 · answer #7 · answered by sunny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should pull the plug and move on. At least your not married and find all this out. There is no way that this is going to be anything but a disaster. Count your blessings and find a woman that doesn't hate you already, that's all you have with her now.
2007-09-23 15:02:41 · answer #8 · answered by redd headd 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her and let her know how you feel. Stay calm and she should be understanding. Admit that you aren't sure if you are being a worry-wart but that you have concerns about the relationship and soon-to-be marriage. She should appreciate "the talk". Four years, a house, cars, and lots of love is a lot to throw away. Maybe she is having wet feet.
2007-09-23 15:00:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If no kids involved, then you called it...time to move on. Why have you been together 4 years and aren't married? Have there been some doubts there all along?
2007-09-23 15:01:35 · answer #10 · answered by ozzman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋