When does the pain stop being so intense?

Question

First I know this is not the singles/dating site, but everyone on there is about 15 years old. Since I am dating second time around (ie divorced) I am close to 40 but feeling like 15. The guy I was very seriously dating and in love with broke up with me 2 weeks ago to give it another chance with his ex-wife. He has since told me he thinks he made a terrible mistake, but we are still not together as he needs to figure this out once and for all before I will even consider dating him again. But God it hurts so bad. For the last 2 weeks I feel like I can barely function. I push myself through work and taking care of my children. When does it stop hurting so badly? How do you make it stop? I sound like a whining idiot, but it is taking everything I have not to call him today.

Answer 1

The only medicine for a heartache is TIME. Seriously.
Good luck.

Answer 2

Don't call him!!! You don't need a person that is looking out for HIS feelings and not yours. If he wasn't sure leaving his wife was a permanent thing, then why involve an innocent third party? Suppose you gave him another chance, are you willing to forget all the pain you're feeling right now? And what if he decides, for a second time, that he wants his wife back or maybe someone else??? Don't put yourself through that pain again. Your break-up is still too recent, so give yourself more time. Trust me, the pain will go away. And then give yourself the opportunity to look again for REAL love. Good luck!

Answer 3

Hi friend,
This must be a very tough situation for you. And honestly there is no time table when the pain will subside. But I've always advised the same thing. If you need to cry your hearts out, please do so.. Because it's like releasing posion in your system. But when the tear subside (atleast for the time being), you simply have to will yourself to stand up and do something. Anything, I would suggest, not to keep your mind off him (because honestly you can't for now), but more on avoiding a mental & emotional breakdown. Do some walking..A lot of walking in fact..Think of him during the walk if you want to. Then cry and cry at night if you need. One day my friend, you'll realize you have no more tears to shed. It means you're on the way to recovery. Actually you're acknowledging the pain & it's a healthy approach. The worst thing is to "repress it, pretend nothing happened & pretend to move on" while keeping all the hurt inside. Yours in better, because you are facing the pain and have a better chance of fully recovering. Remember every pain will subside. Yours will also.

Answer 4

I know just how you feel. I am so sorry for your hurt and I know how difficult things seem right now and that you don't know how you can live without him. There is no magic, I am sorry to say, but time does have a way of healing. It would be smart to stay away from him and let him figure things out all alone. He is confused and I am sure that you don't want him back until he is completely sure of what he wants. Get a babysitter and go out with your girl friends one night and have a good time. Try just one night of not thinking about him. If you can do one night then you can do two. Don't jump from the frying pan into the fire. Give yourself plenty of time before you start a new relationship. I know life seems so unfair right now and life sucks but you have children you must think of and they are innocent, they have no idea as to what you are going through. But they know its something. Give them extra attention so they don't think it's them. Good luck.

Answer 5

In some ways it feels even more intense and disconcerting being displaced at and near 40 than at a younger age because we always assumed by this stage in our lives all of these kinks would have been worked out for good. Life throws us unique challenges at every age, and if there is one upside to this horrible truth it's in the realization that we can still "feel" just like we did when we were younger...(that is, a broken heart feels just as crappy now as it ever did). That means we're still alive...and it also means we still have the capacity for other things too, like happiness, fulfillment, passion and a host of other wonderful things. I have no idea how long the hurt will last...it's unique to every person, and a lot of factors go into defining the healing process on this occasion, but one thing is sure: at two weeks out, it's far too early to try to focus on the length or passage of time. It will only compound your misery. Just be good to yourself to the extent that you can, and take things day by day. Having trusted outlets of friends or associates to talk to about what you're feeling is also helpful, but avoid chronic misery-mongers who seem to revel in their pains because you're seeking catharsis, not stagnation. (Continuing to"move forward" is even more important to us at this age than when we were younger because time is at a premium). Lastly, though it's harder this way in the short term, go ahead and face the pain, because it will make it easier to love again when the time is right. The false security you get from shutting down will age you prematurely and erect walls where they don't need to be...they'll be barriers to your future happiness. Slowly, as you're ready, branch forth and meet new people, and you'll eventually meet kindred souls with experiences and insights that eventually lead to a place where you'll find fulfillment. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. You can do this...Be good to yourself.

Answer 6

awwww....sorry you feel so bad. time heals all wounds and it's true. he's moving on and so should you. your recovery time is not going to be overnight, but it will come. I'm not going to say don't think about him, because that's not realistic.

You have to be strong for your kids. Make sure you are eating because I know that type of situation will make you have a loss of appetite. It can even send you to the hospital if you're not careful. Just take it day by day. Good luck.

Answer 7

I so understand !! Its the worst pain. It takes time unfortunately .Talk to your family and friends open up, cry , get angry. Put your focus on your kids. Keep your self busy. Do things with your girlfriends. Plan a trip or something to look forward to. Sometimes it takes counseling.
I am willing to listen just contact me if you need a shoulder.
It does get easier.( Divorced, dated and now remarried.) Good things will come your way. I truly believe that.

Answer 8

once you get through the tear sheds and pull yourself together, you realize that he is playing games with you and his ex wife.

just think about it, he all of sudden breaks up with you to go back to her. then when he is with her he tells you he made a mistake.

he knows that you are a vulnerable time in your life, so what he is trying to have is his cake and ice cream.

nothing can we tell you can heal your heart. this type of hurt goes way beyond words. we all have been there and done that.

but what i can tell you is don't allow him to play emotional games with you. he is going to call and say things like "i really want to be with you, but..." then he is going to drop by the house and try to be intimate. in the beginning you may give in, i mean after all you love him and miss him, but after a while you realize that this is part of his game.

be strong my sister and thank your lucky stars that you found this out now than later.

Answer 9

Get a babysitter, get drunk, get laid, then build a bridge and get over it. There is always another man around the corner and hopefully the next one won't have the baggage he did or it will already be in storage. Good Luck finding a new boyfriend.

Answer 10

Minute by minute , hour by hour , day by day.It will take as long as your heart need's to get over him , he made a choice to stay with his wife , dont become the other woman for any man it isnt worth the pain.I'm sorry your going through this.