What do I do about misery in grad school?

Question

I am in my third year of grad school in math at a very good research university. I believe
I am doing pretty well in my work. The problem is that I am extremely miserble... I typically
alternate between nervousness and depression.I get nervous about uncertain future etc. And then
depression kicks in: I ask myself, why worry about the future, would a postman's job
not bring me better pay, more rights and a higher standard of living? I am totally lost
about how I stand in society and see myself as a slave, who at 23, cannot even use a masters
degree to earn above min wage. I have never had a driver's license, still live with
a roommate and the money I make is awful. Life seems to be an unending wait for death
and I want to be sedated, or put out of my misery... I want to slit my throat, but
my courage fails me at that moment.

Answer 1

Why are you doing something that makes you miserable? Work is supposed to be engaging and make you feel like you have a purpose beyond research contributions.

Anxiety and depression affects "how people stand in society" much more than wage or salary. If the $ is calling all your shots for you, I think we can be safe to question the sanity in that, considering your miserable feelings.

Some soul-searching is in order here. You need to do what you ARE, not just what you're good at. Sometimes geniuses decide to become social workers or park rangers. You're not just smart. You're more than smart. Smart people can happily sell their souls to corporate america or academia or whatever else. People with more than smarts, on the other hand, more easily become depressed when their chosen work incarcerates them and denies them a feeling of purpose.

PS - Give the mental health systems a chance to help you out. Never know, some psychopharmacology and therapy might boost you a little.