Calling all creative writers out there!?

Question

If the following sentence was the first line of the opening paragraph to a long novel that you were going to write, how would you write the rest of the paragraph??

The market, a large open square with wooden houses on two sides, some containing first-floor shops, was crowded with various carts laden with grains, vegetables, wood, hides, and whatnot.

I can't rewrite the first sentence because it was assigned to me by my professor.

Answer 1

(insert sentence)
i could smell a fresh lamb roasting on a spick in the distance and i knew that it had to be my Uncle Fredrick, even though the a mass multitude of people were also there that could have very well been roasting a lamb also. i could imagine the scene in my head of when i arrived at the small, two story house located in central Brigham. Aunt Charlotte would come running out of the house, taking a break from her long day of baking various treats and dinners, and embrace me with a warm hug while Uncle Fredrick came over from the cooking flames and gave me a fierce pat on the back. Half my family would already be there and i would have to dodge several bullets that would be thrown at me for the reasons as to why i was so late.
i was pulled away from thoughts when the only sense that remained alert in my mind jogged me back to reality. i was a mere 20 feet from the house and Aunt Charlotte was already running towards me, and, just as i had envisioned it, wrapped me in a big hug.
"Ah, Ellana!" she said while giving several kisses on each side of my face. "Such a wornderful blessing to see you today it 'tis!" i could feel the blood running to my face as she dragged me towards Uncle Fredrick who was waiting in the front yard.
"Yes, Aunt Charlette. 'Tis been too long indeed." In almost no time at all, were where in the yard. Aunt Charlette let her tight grip loosen and her arms fell from my side. Uncle Fredrick grabbed my shoulders and instead of the harsh pat on the back like i had expected, he pulled me too his rough chest and gave me a tight squeeze.
"Ah! 'Tis my dear brothers only daughter! So good to see you alive and well! But the circumstances, they are grave indeed. Are they not?"
The waring hole inside of me that i had tried so hard for the past few days to cover up ripped open once again. The pain within it reached out like a giant plague and coarsed through my viens. i could feel the hot tears rushing to my eyes and tried hard to press them back.
"Yes, grave indeed. My fathers death was unexpected surely, indeed it was. But you be sure that whoever stabbed that dreaded dager into his back will have to deal with the full wrath of me!" my tone had gone from calm and shakey to a full on yelp of bitterness and anger. Uncle Fredrick looked at me with a blank face for a few moments and then a smile smile appeared.
"You certainly have your mothers strong fury just as you have her coal black hair and emerald eyes."

Answer 2

First I would rewrite that first sentence. In my opinion there are too many commas for an opener. I'd make it two sentences. For example: The market was a large open square with wooden houses on two sides, some containing first-floor shops. On market days like this day it was crowded with various carts, some laden with grains and vegetables, others with wood, hides and ??? (NOT 'whatnot').

As for me, I love to use the word 'whatnot' when I get tired of writing some particular sentence, but 'whatnot' shouldn't try to take a place in the opening of a long novel. I'd say you're going to have to think of a third thing like wood and hides (not food), or just leave it at wood and hides.

To continue, first write a general plot line you're going to follow... that always helps when you feel a bit stuck. Like JK Rowling, you can write whole backgrounds for characters you may never use, or scenes that suddenly make what was disconnected fall into perfect sense.
It's all about continuing to write; just continue and do your occassional rewrite whenever you want (I rewrite frequently and nearly endlessly)... as long as you are writing and moving ahead in some way.

In other words you can go off on side tangents as long as the basics of your plot line are worked out, so you don't lose sight of the novel as a whole. If a sentence doesn't seem to lead easily into another, work on that first sentence before you worry about the next. It's like being a mechanic sometimes.

You're doing okay if you just focus and keep at it. Good luck!

Answer 3

The comma after the word market in the first sentence causes the reader's mind to block. Which impairs imagination for the rest of the following sentences. So ask him could you rewrite the first sentence to get a better feel for the surrounding area and there are way too many commas to keep the flow of the sentence.

Answer 4

I like the robbery idea. And think outside the box. So the professor gave you a bad sentence. Even professors need editors from now and then. Send him a message by being bold enough to rewrite it without the word "whatnot". Then tell him excessive use of commas in a sentence and the use of vague terms like "whatnot" get the old red pen from editors. Pax - C

Answer 5

That is a very difficult question because i don't know what type of story you are trying to write about. Is it fantasy, drama, action? please narrow down your question and i will gladly help you.
i've got some, but i don't now if they are what you are looking for.

1)The market, a large open square with wooden houses on two sides, some containing first-floor shops, was crowded with various carts laden with grains, vegetables, wood, hides, and whatnot. I carefully tried to not bring attention to myself as I planned my next move to strike. My tries, though, were not needed. Who would notice a small, dirty, beggar on the side of the street when there was so much preparation in order to get ready for the coming holiday? I chuckled darkly to myself at even needing to think that silly question. The answer was plain on the excited faces hurring by.No one would notice me, which was exactly what I wanted.

2)The market, a large open square with wooden houses on two sides, some containing first-floor shops, was crowded with various carts laden with grains, vegetables, wood, hides, and whatnot.I took hold of my mothers hand as she hurried down the busy street. I wondered why she was walking so fast. I squirmed as her grip tightened around my wrist as we passed a group of soldiers huddling around a firebin. I wished that I was at a firebin myself as we hurried along. As we turned a sharp corner, a fierce wind came along, creating a comotion amoung the pesterbetians. I was ripped out of my mother's hand and shoved into a crowd of shopkeepers. "Mother!", I yelled panikly. But alas, she could not hear me through the bustles of people. "That is just great, Carolina," i thought to myself, "now I am lost." I turned to the street and started looking for my mother.

Answer 6

I am not digging the use of the word "whatnot" unless this is a first person narrative and the speaker is a 14-year-old girl. If the voice is 3rd person omnisicient, then why would the speaker use a word that suggests he or she does not know or does not care what else is there.

Secondly, if you are writing a very long novel and you are asking for help on the second line, perhaps you should consider a different hobby.

Answer 7

Here's what my friend and I thought.

Hollyy: I don't like that beginning.
Hollyy: If I was the type to stop reading a book, I would if the rest of itwas description
Hollyy: I would put in a robbery
Jess: Yeah.
Jess: I like action-oriented beginings.
Hollyy: A young boy steals some bread or something
Hollyy: Meh
Hollyy: Or better yet
Jess: Even if the rest was brilliant, if that were the first sentecne, it'd bug me foreer
Hollyy: True
Jess: SHould we say that?
Hollyy: Yes
Hollyy: Welll
Hollyy: What about "Of Mice and Men"?
Hollyy: Some books need a setting up first
Jess: True, but with something embedded
Hollyy: The rest needs to come smoothly with it
Jess: A purpose maybe. I dunno.

Answer 8

suggestion:

The market was crowded, the noise of the vendors and animals frightening. Everywhere she looked there was food, the smell of the sausages, cheeses and pies reminded her she had not eaten for three days.

She would have stolen something if not for the chains around her wrists. She pretended to faint and....

( your character's impressions will describe the market square). Don't tell, show.

and drop whatnot. Add things in the market place if you need to date your piece. ( above doesn't work if you are writing 1970, but does if you are writing 1370). Make it cars and c.d.s your character can feel "chained" because she has not money or no one will let her buy what she wants.

good luck

Answer 9

The chatter of people bargaining and enjoying this wonderful saturday travelled through the air. Children ran this way and that, holding candied apples with their faces painted a world of imagination taking them miles from here to some distant land where they were not so ordinary, but fearless heroes.
As mothers with babies bought lemons and sugar placing it carefully in their bags, the wind changed bringing with it the scent of dark things and as the sky crowded over everyone fled, except one man who stood alone ready to fight....ready, to win.

Answer 10

A sprinkle of destiny whilst Time erases memories A lake of frozen memories (lake may be substituted for different bodies of water) attempt giving a call that pertains to a particular 2d interior the story. for occasion if she got here upon them in a lake after seeing a sprint in water you may desire to call it "Splash" or "A moments be conscious:" something alongside those lines desire I helped :) if u pick one among those titles call me "inconstant" my username