i am 47 and have already been married once, she is 33 and has the same story. For four years I have been complaining I never want to get married, but over teh summer I have really fallen in love with her and at the same time have been making a whole lot of mistakes with her. I really went overboard around augsut 25th and hurt her. she sucked it up and didn't say anything, i felt like i was going to lose her so I called her and propsed, but she seen right through and said ask me agin when you have a clear head. So a week later I told her I was serious. I never asked her face to face or bought a ring. She doesn't go around telling people or talk about it much, but she cries alot and thinks I am just toying with her heart. I tell her I'm not and I'm not real sure how to rectify the situation. I can affor d a ring just dont want to do all that agin. this is her 2nd marriage why would she expect a ring and wedding. she hasn't asked for either, just said we can go away 4 a weekend.
2007-09-23 12:16:39 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
this is a wonderful woman and i could never find one any better, she just isnt convinced that i want to get married. we have been together for 4 years and i have never bought her so much as a card for b-days, xmas, anniversary or valentines day. if you start that they expect it. she gets her feelings hurt but shes a trooper, she lives with it. so i dont want her to expect a ring and i'm not willing to wear one either, i did all of this with my first wife and it got me nowhere. wont do it agin, if she wants the extras she works she can pay for it herself.
2007-09-23 12:19:30 · update #1
but i dont want to lose her, ireally want to marry her but dont know how to convince her of this so we can make some plans soon, i dont want to loose her
2007-09-23 12:21:50 · update #2
she is a very romantic very thoughtful woman that never asks me for anything unless it is neccesary, like a tire for her car or help with a important bill, she wont even call me if she is broke down on the road or sick, she takes care of herself
2007-09-23 12:23:57 · update #3
LOL...
Sigh. You know, my husband doesn't get me stuff for my birthday/ valentine's/ etc... and I'm finally divorcing his @ss! I wouldn't marry a guy who didn't spring for a ring. It's not about the material things-- it's about feeling that you're important enough for someone to make an effort. Women see withholding gifts and romantic overtures in the same way that men see women who withhold sex. To us, that shows that you're a cold person who doesn't cherish us, simply put. If you really want to be with her, I'd suggest adjusting some of your philosophies. She's not your ex-wife.
2007-09-23 12:24:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is her second wedding why should she expect a ring and wedding are you kidding me????? Ummmm, because this isn't her second time marrying you. And because it is important to most women to have the man who claims to want to spend his life making them happy and safe show that to the whole world with a sign like an engagement ring! Duh. Why should she ask for it? Why would she want it if she had to ask. It's supposed to be a promise regarding your everlasting commitment to her. My goodness. Read what you wrote and if you do so you will clearly see why she is hurt and sad and cries a lot. Sheeeeshs. You think just because you did all the wedding stuff with your first wife that it counts for her too????? She wants to feel special and adored and spoiled. Hello?? How did you make it to 47 without figuring at least some of this stuff out about women? Lol. Go and pick a nice ring, take her out to dinner, bring her somewhere romantic or even the front porch, drop down on one knee and give her the proposal and romance she deserves. You won't regret it!
PS.... if you stay the way you are and she marries you, I also guarantee she WILL regret it and you will have another ex. She is not your ex. Not the same person. She deserves to be loved, cherished and, yes, taken care of... you know husband stuff.
2007-09-23 19:58:17 · answer #2 · answered by naniannie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry this happened because unfortunately, it has set the tone for how she is feeling and I can't blame her. If you are still 'messing up', do you think perhaps you may not be ready? I know you say you don't want to lose her, but if she is still having to 'suck up' how she feels about the things you are doing - believe me - eventually they will come out. I suggest that the two of you sit down over a nice dinner, doesn't have to be that expensive, but talk it out. Communication has to be the most important thing on the table between you. Both of you have been this road before and you have to be completely and totally honest with each other. The thing is - if you are really, really not ready to marry and you are afraid to lose her, your marriage would not be founded upon a real truth. She might eventually discover that maybe you were doing this just to 'keep her'. Please be honest with yourself and don't play games with your lives. Marriage is too important of a commitment. Make sure you both have talked it out and looked at every detail. Give her a chance to really say what's on her mind. I wish you the best.
2007-09-23 19:23:30 · answer #3 · answered by THE SINGER 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you already know what a good woman you have but you insist on making a fool out of her. you sound like a fool. it doesnt matter if she has been married ten times. you need to get her a ring and by the way she deserves about a three to four karat for putting up with you silly unappreciative butt. she should have left you alone along time ago but she didnt Why because for some reason she hoped that you would changed and start to show her and the families and friends that you do really love her. she doesnt have a damn thing to do with your ex wife. you are starting off on the wrong foot. maybe you should do her a favor and just leave her alone and allow her to meet someone who loves, respect and cares about her feelings. and is not afraid to show it. someone who is mature enough to handle her with care. GROW UP you are too old for this non sense. you need to start with some self evaluations. ask yourself do you really deserve this woman, how can you make changes in self so that this marriage wont end like the other, are you capable of loving and respecting and treating her like a woman and not the brunt of your jokes all the time. you really need to grow up and act your age and not your shoe size. GodBless
2007-09-23 19:33:18 · answer #4 · answered by Crystal G 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i think it is this attitude that makes her think you are not serious. a ring is a symbol of your commitment. women are emotional and even though we deal with the hurt, doesn't mean we aren't hurt. men may not realize it but most women imagine their weddings from the time they are really little. yes you both had this before, but not with each other and not with this love. i'm not saying you have to go all out. what's wrong with buying an inexpensive ring. my wedding ring cost a hundred dollars and i love it. it's not the ring, it's the commitment and love it represents. and as far as a wedding, you can elope or just have parents and/or siblings there. you don't have to have an elaborate thing, just show her you are serious and you do care and love her. the first marriage may not have lasted for you but it wasn't the ring and wedding that doomed the relationship. try to talk to her and/or figure out what is causing her to cry. and try to help "fix" things. work on it together as partners and show her you are serious.
2007-09-23 19:28:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, actions speak louder than words! If I were her, I wouldn't take you seriously either. Maybe you should start by getting her those cards or buying that ring or doing more around the house or buying her flowers! Women hear the words, but we also need to see the actions. Tell her how you feel HONESTLY and back it up with actions (being whatever you did to hurt her on August 25, make sure it doesn't happen again - AND APOLOGIZE FOR IT!!!! Don't assume she just "knows" you're sorry. Don't apologize with an excuse either. Maybe it's time to grow up and start thinking about what's really important to you!
2007-09-23 19:24:20 · answer #6 · answered by Shannon H 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Judging from what you've written - this woman should RUN (not walk) to the nearest exit, and not look back.
It sounds to me like this is all about you, and what YOU want. A real relationship needs to balance what you both want. If you are serious, and really believe that this is the right woman for you, buy the ring and don't make her ask for it - and don't make her have to ask for a birthday card each year. Love makes you WANT to do things for your loved one, not rationalize about your own selfishness.
If you are determined, you both need some serious counseling before committing to marriage.
PS: (Yahoo Answers doesn't qualify as counseling...)
2007-09-23 19:34:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u do sound a little confused urself. u cant propose to a woman without a ring first of all. and if u dont want to take that next step and marry, then thats fine also. but what i would have done if i was a man, and in ur predicament was to give her a PROMISE/COMMITMENT RING. its a ring to commemorate the love and values of a relationship, stating the obvious, yes, and gives that person a sense of security about ur true feelings towards them. its not like u have to marry her the following day IF u give her a ring, whichever one it may be.
2007-09-23 19:30:47 · answer #8 · answered by Ebony da *Dimepiece* 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be a gentleman and let her go. It will hurt her but not as much as a life with a guy who won't do all the loving things a woman needs and deserves. If you love her you will gladly do all the little things you can to make her happy. If you really love her, give her the ring and a wedding and everything else you can the rest of your days. Otherwise let her go.
2007-09-23 19:32:21 · answer #9 · answered by ozzman 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Do not marry this woman or any other woman. You have the maturity of a 13 year old boy. Actually, a 13 year old would know to show affection by appropriate wording and some flowers. Leave this good woman so she can find a decent man.
2007-09-23 19:23:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋