This is a poem from the book Lyrical Darkness. It is a book I wrote of poetry.
Transition
The things that my heart once felt
have long since gone away
Stagnant are my memories
no longer will they play
Emotion shut completely down
freeing back my mind
Bindings of felt misery
beginning to unwind
Peace instilling within me
restoring my once lost faith
Holding back transition
while for an answer I wait
Hope transferring feelings
as slowly I transgress
Pondering on my next move
this I must confess
2007-09-23 10:51:51 · 5 answers · asked by slip2eternity 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
It is quite a deep poem. I tried to check it out but ended up with some British rap musical group.
If it is already published, you may not revise but I'd suggest you reconsider:
Bindings of felt misery
what are those?
This is a loaded word, better think of another that could be appropriatehere: "transgress"
Overall, it is an excellent poem
2007-09-24 22:10:51 · answer #1 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I really like the poem for its gentle thoughts of letting the past go and pondering what lies ahead. Very nice work!!
FYI, I might change a couple words toward the end. At the third line from the botttom, I don't think "transgress" accurately describes the thoughts you develope up to that point. Maybe something like "progress" would be better. The last line just seems out of sync with the poem. It could actually be left off.
These are quibbles, but you did ask for feedback. Keep writing and good luck.
2007-09-29 11:16:00 · answer #2 · answered by ohenry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I question having memories in play? I also question holding back transition? There is some confusion here.
2007-10-01 10:28:28 · answer #3 · answered by Wylie Coyote 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Morbid to a point of depression, I like it, nice images, great flow, a tad receptive though.
2007-09-29 14:23:23 · answer #4 · answered by kissaled 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It a poem that touches everyone.
2007-10-01 08:05:46 · answer #5 · answered by linda d 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋