Abusive Husband?

Question

One of my good friends called me today crying. She said that her husband grabbed her wrist hard enough to hurt her because he was angry that she put something in the wrong place and wanted her to put it down when she tried to correct it. This is the second time that something like this has happened (the first time he pushed her a bit) and both times were in front of their children. The strange thing is and this leads me to my question, when he isn't angry anymore he swears he didn't lay a hand on her. In fact he says that she is making it up. She absolutely believes that he doesn't remember doing it, is that possible that someone could be so angry they forget doing something? She also doesn't believe it is abuse because it happens so rarely and when he isn't angry he is a really good husband/father, but I have noticed that he gets angry and yellsover pretty much nothing, he even yells at her in public sometimes. Would you consider that abuse and do you think it will escalate?

Answer 1

He should be taking anger management/control classes.

Answer 2

Yes, it probably will escslate and she should be looking into where she will go when it does. Does she have a job?Has she got a copy of the marriage license and bank account information? Does she have some money squirreled away. does she know where the nearest womens shelter is? Does she have family close by? She must begin thinking about these things because her life and that of her children may depend on it. Unless her husband has some kind of organic brain difunction, he knows exactly what he is doing. Does his employer require an annual medical exam. I would wish that she could get him to a physician to have him checked but this could cause a flare of temper. She should speak to her own physician about this problem as well as her pastor so that if she must eventually go to court for her children she will at least have documentation that someone else knows. If he hurts her again it is time to leave. Personally, she should probably be gone already. Anger management classes are great, but she really doesn't have the power to make him go. It is usually the court that has to compel a man to confront his problem and unfortunately, it may already be too late for that.

Answer 3

Not only it is physical abuse, but also mental abuse, because he is forcing her to forget what he did. Not only that, it is also going to escalate later on. An abusive husband doesn't change, he is going to get worse. She is in a tremendous amount of danger. She needs to break the relationship. Have you women not learn that it is not okay to allow a man to abuse you? He obviously doesn't love her, nor does he care for her. A man that hurts a woman is nothing more than a filthy cockroach, a mere insect, a sorry excuse for a man. How long are we going to stand for things like this to happen in this, the most powerful country in the world? Our job is to help and protect those that can't do it on their own. As a friend, you should contact somebody from child services, or even the cops. Believe it or not, your friend is living like a prisoner, she is a victim of a monstrous man who swore to protect her and love her, and is doing exactly the opposite. She needs to get out of that relationship for her own and her kids sake.

Answer 4

Abuse is abuse. It doesn't matter how often or sporatic. He put his hands on her in a violent way. Maybe he was so mad he didn't remember. My ex husband did that sometimes. But the fact remains that he should not push her, should not grab her, hit her, yell at her. She doesn't deserve it. She needs to get help and so does he NOW, before things escalate to a point of no return.

Answer 5

When I was involved in a domestic the police told me that violence ALWAYS escalates and that I should get out before it got worse. If you keep trying to get your friend to want to leave then she may not want to be your friend anymore. I have had a couple friends like that and they will stand by their man no matter once. Its ok to offer one time to help her leave the situation and tell her that the offer will last forever and that if she wants to leave with the kids then she needs to talk to you and make a plan of how to do it safely. Most abusive men get more violent when they know its over or when their wife is leaving them. Just dont keep telling her to leave him everytime because eventully she may not want to talk to you at all and if she mentions it to him that you want her to leave then he could turn on your, too, and he can make sure that you cant come see her again.

Answer 6

This is abuse and it will get worse. Just because he's a good father/husband doesn't mean that it's not abuse. He needs to have anger management. I suffered for 12 years and it just got worse when he pulled a knife on me with my baby in my arms and my 21/2 standing beside me. I knew that it was time to get out of there and i did. It was the biggest and best decision I ever made. Tell your friend to get him some help or get out of there before it gets worse. Good luck.

Answer 7

Is he abusive? absolutely. Is she co-dependent? Yes. My neighbor called me one night after she called the police on her husband who grabbed her and pushed her down. He was out of the house for 3 weeks, but she took him back. He hates his job, still complaining, short fuse and I expect in time he'll explode again. they have 2 beautiful little girls. this guy was so into denial he filed with the court to say she was an unfit mother...gee what a charmer. My advice to you, is to give no advice to her. abused women sometimes take 3 or 4 times before they get rid of the abuser. Just listen and give her information on local shelters in case things get really bad. Mostly be a friend, non judgemental, so that she will have someone to turn to. that's what I'm doing with my neighbor. Good luck.

Answer 8

Yes, it is abuse, and yes, it will escalate. He remembers it, he just consciously denies it to asbolve himself of any responsibility. Any man who exhibits anger toward a wife or girlfriend will become abusive. Verbal abuse, emotional, psychological, or physical, it is still abuse and should never be tolerated no matter how infrequent. Children who see this are prone to perpetuating this behaviour. Boys become abusive, girls become tolerant. Nothing good comes of it if it is not stopped. No man should prey on a woman, and no woman should ever allow him to do so.

If he doesn't get help or counseling she needs to leave for her own safety and that of her children. She and those kids are in a volatile and dangerous environment, and it will only become worse.

Answer 9

I am sure he is aware of what he is doing he is just to as hammed to admit it. It sounds like they are both in denial about it. This could turn in to so,something else. How does she know that he is not hurting the kids when she is not home. They need to sit down and talk about the problem before it escalates. If he was to really hurt her in the future then she would feel stupid about letting this go.

Answer 10

Your friend needs to get out of the situation NOW and take the kids with her. Domestic violence always starts with yelling, then it goes to grabbing, slapping, and eventually beating. If he was a good husband/father, he wouldn't be treating her like this. There are domestic violence shelters that she can go to and get help. Ignoring what is really going on is never going to help the situation any. If she won't report it to the police, it is your job as a friend to do that. Good luck.

Answer 11

Yes it's abuse and he's defensive which is why he denies he did it. But he knows he did. It will escalate maybe. Even if it doesn't she's in for a life of being ridiculed, chastised and made to feel small and unworthy. Who wants to live like that? She needs to go get counseling to deal with this.