After not even being married 4 months my husband has told me that he's leaving me. He says that he can't handle the commitment of marriage and that he doesn't feel the way he use to about me. He says he can't let go of things from our past that hurt us. I have and I have moved on and want him to do the same. I don't want a divorce but nothing I am saying seems to matter! What can I do to try and save my marriage?
He says he has been to counseling and that everyone has told him to do what he thinks is best. He thinks there is no other option. I need help please.
2007-09-23 10:03:34 · 20 answers · asked by Froggy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He can barely look at me. He doesn't hug, kiss, or touch me unless we are sleeping. He'll hold me but nothing sexual. He said he is pretty much set that this is what he wants.
2007-09-23 10:20:19 · update #1
you cant make him stay, if he wants to go then let him, if it was ment to be then he will come back.
2007-09-23 10:12:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to tell you this because you are obviously hurting but there is nothing you can do to save a marriage that doesn't want to be saved. Both parties have to want it and if one doesn't, it's doomed. Let him go and get on with your life. Hopefully, you don't have children together and can go your separate ways with no strings attached. One day soon you will look back and know that this was for the best. No one wants someone that doesn't want them, even though it hurts. Good luck to you and stay strong. Be with people that do love you; I'm sure there are many.
2007-09-23 11:22:24 · answer #2 · answered by mab5096 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am twice divorced from the same guy. I got over our past problems when we got back together and he couldn't. He ended up leaving me for a married woman. I am much better off without him, now. At the time though, I thought I could help him get over his issues, and got very hurt in the long run. I sorry to hear things have fallen apart so quickly, but you can't force to him to change nor convince him otherwise of how he feels. You can't make it work if he's not willing to no, matter how hard you to try it won't work. Think of the situation as a see saw, you can't go down if he's not willing to come up. There's no middle ground for you, give him what he wants or you'll just push him away more.
2007-09-23 10:22:27 · answer #3 · answered by spiffymo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing that you can do to make a man stay when he really wants to leave, and there's nothing that you can do to make him leave when he wants to stay. I don't mean to sound insensitive or hopeless, but it's true. Been ther done that. You mentioned that he had been to counseling, why didn't you two go together? Maybe he's lying about that one. The best thing for you to do at this time is to think about yourself. Let go and start the healing process, because the longer that you try to hang on the harder it will be on you in the long run. Good luck
2007-09-23 10:19:49 · answer #4 · answered by mimi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him go, If he doesn't want to no longer be married. Why should you still be married to someone who doesn't feel the same way as you. There are more fish in the sea. I'm not sure how long you two were engaged before marriage,but next time take a even longer time getting to know the next special someone! Good Luck :)
2007-09-23 10:16:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry you are going through this. I have been through this also, but in my case I have been married for a lil' over a year. There are things in the past externally influenced and internally influenced that has caused my marriage to become a shattered one. Lots of hatred and resentment. Very unhealthy. In your case, there is probably some hurt inside that was swept under the carpet. Just like mine. Sometimes in a marriage, you die....spiritually. This happened to me. If there is no hatred b/w u two, then there is still hope. But if your spouse or you harbor hatred and resentment, then sorry you will end up in my situation
2007-09-23 10:16:48 · answer #6 · answered by Blk Angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
save marriage
2016-02-02 05:59:37 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has your husband given you any more information about why he is unhappy? Check out Dr Willard Harley's site on saving marriages. www.marriagebuilders.com. Look up emotional needs and lovebusters under Basic Principles. You may find what is affecting your marriage there.
2007-09-23 11:58:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it's better to just let him go. I don't know what's in your past but maybe he just can't get over it. You can try to suggest going to counseling together but otherwise, it might be better for you to let him go and find someone more comfortable with commitment. He should have told you his feelings before you got married. It sounds like he's had these issues for awhile but thought they would go away once you were married. He should have been honest and stopped or postponed the wedding rather than doing what he did.
2007-09-23 12:17:31 · answer #9 · answered by abrennan01 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say he's been to counseling....but have you been together? The thing is...both parties have to be interested in saving the marriage. I know this is hurtful for you...but it sounds like he's simply decided that he doesn't want to be married anymore. How f*cking convenient for him!!! You can't make someone want to stay married...and frankly my dear-heart...why would you want to? Value yourself!!! Pray and you will never receive more than you can handle!! Keep your head up...for this too, will pass!!
2007-09-23 11:48:34 · answer #10 · answered by Love Lady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You probably can't save your marriage. Less than four months doesn't seem like he has put in much effort here. Let him go, and do what you think is best... find someone worthy of you!!
2007-09-23 10:19:45 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋