am i a good writer? does this make you want the rest of the story?

Question

up down. up down. My chest was thumping rather rapidly, and i was beggining to hyperventalate. up down. up down. from underneath the blanket, i could see tiny rays of light peeking through. Out side a world of fear and panic. Up down. up down. We were dogging trees right and left, right and left. and there were branches every where. up down up down. i finally muster up the courage to lift the blanket off my head, and though i want to cover my self up my hands move involuntarily. up down. up down. i feel something on my face. and as i divert my eyes praying that it is a leaf, my heart sinks and i let out a scream i'm pretty sure people heard in Maine as i realize what it is. up down. up down.

Answer 1

I am going to add more specific comments on the other post, but here I will comment overall.

Your writing lacks spark. It is just flat. I think that is because your characters are flat and I am really not learning enough about your overall plot.

You need to do character analysis and a good outline before you start. Really flesh out your characters. Think about your best friend. How well do you know them? If I asked you whether your best friend would rather go out to dinner for Chinese or Italian food, would you know the answer? If I asked you how they were like as a child, or what they were afraid of, you could probably answer. If I asked you what their dreams for the future are, you would probably know that, too. You have to flesh out your characters and give them lives. You have to know them as intimately as a best friend. I don't see evidence of that here yet. Having taught Creative Writing for a very
long time, I can positively tell when a writer has done the prep work and when a writer has just jumped into writing without their homework. This looks like it lacks homework.

And as I always tell writers, the result is the reader doesn't care much about the characters, because the author doesn't care that much about them. Not enough to give them real lives. Your characters lack that spark of life. It's like Victor Frankenstein giving that spark to his creature. You need to find a way to sparkle these folks and make me care about them.

As for your plot. Think of your plot like your spine. It runs top and bottom through your body starting at your brain. The brain is the control center, and the spine is what carries the signals downward through your body with impulses branching off of it. Your idea is the brain. The plot is the spine. It runs straight through the story and supports it. Your subplots and backstories branch off it, and they work because they are connected to your plot.

In other words, your plot has to be consistent and it has to run through the story from the very beginning. You have to give us a bone (pun intended) in the beginning. Something that draws us into the story.

I think the best author to actually do this was William Faulkner. He had this amazing ability to grab hold of the reader from the very first sentence and pull you into the book and not let go of you until he was ready to. Powerful, exciting writing, filled with energy and characters you care about. Benjy in The Sound and the Fury is an excellent example. Don't be afraid to read Faulkner and just pray that one day you can write 1/10 as well. We ALL should.

More specific comments on the other post. Pax - C

Answer 2

It's a bit confusing. Your character is under a blanket and it makes it sound like he/she is waking up in the morning, dreading something that will happen during the day. Then you wrote "We were dogging trees left and right . . ." Huh?

I will say it is interesting and would prove to be a great opener. Starting a story in the middle of action usually does.

Answer 3

Up down, Up down....Yes I've done that before ;p ...At first i thought someone was receiving first aid after having a heart attack. Then.... "from underneath the blanket".... i thought the character was having sex. Then.... "We were dogging trees right and left"..... i thought two ppl were running through the woods with a blanket over their heads while having sex. And...."though i want to cover my self"... they were definitely naked....Then...."i feel something on my face"....you should have kept the blanket over you head hon....And....."i let out a scream".....I knew they were having sex...."people heard in Maine".....In California.....

Answer 4

It's repetitive. You need to use other, descriptive words to mention your heart thumping. You need to better your grammer, increase your vocabulary, ect. How does your heart thumping make you feel? Painful? Like it might burst? The reader does not know that.
'Outside a world of fear and panic," might be a fragment of asentence, but it is the most descriptive wording in the entire story.

Answer 5

I heavily think of you have a good number of potential. notwithstanding, quite of utilising "Up down. Up down" six situations, i might shrink it in a million/2. it particularly is a few distance too repetitive and slightly stressful. have been you attempting to create suspense and/or drama? it particularly is unquestionably achievable, however the story merely desires some paintings. additionally, i desire to advise looking an editor or merely proofreading your paintings. yet to respond to the different question, sure, i might particularly desire to verify greater.

Answer 6

I personally don't agree with the people who say that your story is flat and boring. I think that it is fab, i so wnat to read the rest. Have you got the end of it!
It sounds like a good book, wot is it called?
Keep writing!

Answer 7

WOW
i think dat was really good
wat story is dis abt,


DAT IS RLY GUD!