Should an adult tell her parents about childhood sexual abuse?

Question

Please, serious answers only.

First of all, the abuser is long dead. Second I am seeking therapy.

My therapist suggested that I consider telling my parents what happened to me. I have not told them. It happened over 20 years ago, but it messed me up for a long time and it still hurts.
My husband thinks I should tell them because it might help me. I think that it will just make them feel guilty and upset. Let's be honest: there is nothing they can do about it now! Why make them share this pain?
My therapist says it helps some people a lot, but others not.
I will be honest though that I still resent them on some level for not protecting me when I was little, even though they were great parents and I know (rationally!) that they would have moved heaven and earth to help me had they known.

I have a great relationship with them.

Any thoughts could be help. Thank you.

Answer 1

Hey there I know what your going through, I was abused when I was younger by different people anyway I never told because I was so scared so I kept it to myself. I still haven't talked to a counselor but I know I need to. I always felt I had to protect my mom, I always felt I had to be strong for my mom. I don't know why maybe it was the fact my mom and dad divorced when I was young. I am now in my 30's and it wasn't to long ago I sat my mom down and told her everything. I couldn't hide it everything came back to me in my dreams and your mom is supposed to be someone you can talk to no matter what happens. I suggest you talk to her I know it helped me out allot as far as getting it off my chest. My daughter to was at her fathers house and she came home one day not acting right and she told me about one of her dad's friends touching her. I went through alot with her but one thing that made me proud of what kind of mom I am is because my daughter felt comfortable enough to tell me and she didn't have to feel alone. I am sorry this happened to you but with your family's support you will begin to heal. Just remember one day you will have children if you don't already how would you feel if your children kept a secret like that. Woulden't you be glad that you have that open communication. But you have to do what you feel is best for you no matter how hard it is just remember your not alone. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

Personally I would be very careful about doing so because you're going to open up something that they knew nothing about and which they'll then start hurting themselves trying to figure out if they could have spotted. It could possibly hurt your relationship with them as they might wonder what else you've not told them. I can kindof see why sometimes it might help, but maybe there are some secrets that are best left buried especially after a length of time. However I also can understand the feeling that you wanted their protection, but they are only human at the end of the day and most likely wouldn't have forseen anything. It's a really horrible thing for you to have to carry around I know, but I'm just not sure that telling them will make anything better per-se.

Answer 3

well u should tell them but make sure that it not out of the blue or anything because than they will feel kind of guilty but even if they are guilty they will be glad that u told them and it will help you with a lot of stress because life is stressful enough without being able to share that with some close

Answer 4

You need to do what you think is right. And only you can truly answer that question.

I was raped as a child, and although i know that my parents have a right to know what happened to me, i am not going to tell them it happened. I used think, and i used tell myself that one day i would tell. and in some ways i think they should know. But why?, why tell them, it would only tear them appart, not to mention i'd have to tell my siblings.
Why tel them, why make them share the pain. Yes it is a big crime, what this man did to me, but i don't want to shre this with them.
But don't let me influence you, you have to take into consideration so much, like you're character, you're parents chracter, how many family members you have, cos don't forget, if you tell you're parents, it's highly likely they would tell other people too, friends and family, why? because it is a huge burdon to pass on to, they would need to talk to their friends, to work out their own fears and concerns, not to mention they would be left wondeting why you hadn't told them earlier. You need to look at their character, as well as you're support network, don't forget, once you tell you're parents, something in you will also change, quite likely for the better, but you never know. You need to konw, what difference it will make. What do you want to get out of telling you're parents you're secret?

Answer 5

As long as the victim continues to keep the abuser s sin a secret, the victim is still in a cooperation. I say shout it from the rooftops! This sets you free! You re a victim not the victimizer, although you continue to hide their secret, as per their command!. Let it go!

Answer 6

It will be a great release for you, and they will get over it .

Answer 7

I agree with your hubby and tell them it will help to get it out and it will help with your therapy . good luck dear .