2007-09-23 05:56:24 · 21 answers · asked by Manu 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
I think you should be careful before you make too many speculations (often negative speculations) as to why they aren't there for you. Try this approach:
1. Ask yourself, do they have enough information available to know that I need support? As in, have I sufficiently indicated it to them?
It's often the case that others aren't simply enough unaware of your plight. It could be because you have a reason to hide it from them. Have you said something directly and in a manner that communicates the gravity of the situation? Some times people communicate their problem, but in a lighter way than it should be taken. There are often fears of revealing problems to others that may prevent you from communicating it directly. You may wonder: how will they take it- what if they ignore me or abandon me? will it make me come across as needy? You may also expect the other person to be more of a mind-reader than they are- that they should ask you about it because you feel upset on the inside- but how you're feeling on the inside isn't always communicated on the outside.
2. If you're certain you've communicated clearly and you're still not receiving the support you'd like from them, ask yourself what the situation is for the person currently in terms of the circumstances in their own lives that may be preventing them from being emotionally available to you. Consider asking them directly (and non-judgmentally!): I don't feel like I'm getting enough support from you- is something going on with you right now?
Jobs, family, friends, lovers, moving homes, car accidents, etc etc can all cause significant amounts of stress in our lives which prevent us from being open to others at times. Also, if you are not open and sensitive to the circumstances in their lives, it may prevent them from reciprocating.
3. If these can't explain it all- you may have to consider that they aren't committed to being in a relationship (love, familial, friendship, etc.) with you. Or they may be, but don't know how to support you or what you need.
In the latter case, often people cry on each other's shoulders not for advice, but for comfort. In my own experience, I don't think my parents know how to provide emotional comfort- they go straight into advice giving. "Well, why don't you do this?" Or, "moping about it won't help you." Advice has its time and place of course, but it shouldn't be given during times when one is seeking emotional comfort. In this case, ask yourself what you want from the person (advice, comfort, a night of escaping your worries...) and communicate that with them. That way, if they are motivated to support you but don't know how, you can teach them how.
2007-09-23 06:22:33 · answer #1 · answered by Pundit Army 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's always possible that you really don't need him/her. I usually have a difficult time telling the difference between my needs and my wants. The truth is, I never really need anyone. Sometimes I would like certain people to be there for me, and it's very nice when they are, but going through something alone can be an even greater gift than a friend can give.
2007-09-23 13:03:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's why it's important to learn to be self sufficient and independent. That way you're not so let down when they're not dependable. Might not be the answer you're wanting but you'll save yourself some hurt.
2007-09-23 13:00:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need them the most because it's a lot of crap to deal with, and people don't want to deal with all that crap... especially when it isn't their own.
2007-09-23 12:59:02 · answer #4 · answered by Mickey Mouse Spears 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because we have lives of our own and if our mate was with us all the time i'm sure we would get very bugged
2007-09-23 13:00:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm, for me, he's not there because he's the reason I need him so much, if that makes any kind of sense.
2007-09-23 12:59:29 · answer #6 · answered by Fröken Fräken 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry to hear that you have that problem,
I dont mine is there when i need him but everyones situation is different.. Im sure it will get better..
2007-09-23 15:04:44 · answer #7 · answered by debbie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this person could not like you or just is really busy to have time to talk to you
2007-09-23 13:01:27 · answer #8 · answered by jwallman24 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe pople should be dependant on themselves instead of others.
2007-09-23 13:01:00 · answer #9 · answered by Jessicca Francis 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because they only care about themselves.
2007-09-23 13:02:07 · answer #10 · answered by jasmin2236 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋