Divorced people...?

Question

What went wrong?

Knowing that now, would you have changed it for the better or are you better off without your ex?

Just wondering.

And would you or have you remarried?

Answer 1

I thought we were headed in the same direction, but we really werent and obviously there wasnt enough communication. I think mentally I am better off without him. I will definitely get married again and this time communication already is incredible.

Answer 2

Hello again Dr. E! You've hit upon one of my main areas of interest. Although I've never been married, I think that you might get a better cross-section of opinions if you were to open this question to everyone who's been in a committed relationship & failed, rather than only those who dissolved a marriage.

I've never felt it necessary to get married, simply by virtue of the fact that I'm not interested in having children. Yet, I've been in relationships as serious as those of any of my married friends.

In my estimation, there are really only two reasons that relationships go wrong. Either we don't really know our partners well enough to BEGIN with; or we do know them well, but time CHANGES one (or both) of us.

Just to be clear, I am including in the first group, those who have had to suffer with a partner's infidelity. People never stop growing & changing & sometimes we do so in opposite directions.

I believe that there are so many varieties of problems & external factors interfering with interpersonal relationships, that there's no way we can ever be totally prepared for all of them. When there are serious things like infidelity going on, it can be far better to cut our losses & practice a little bit of self-preservation.

Unfortunately, I've known an amazing number of women who are nervous & distrustful of ALL men, because they had been treated so poorly by the first one to whom they gave their hearts. Some men fall into this category too, but the number is outrageously disproportionate.

Children as a result of the relationship only serve to make these decisions even more difficult. However, based upon my experience & research, it is almost never in the best interest of the children to keep an unhappy marriage together for THEIR sake. What this almost inevitably does, is effect their perception of marriage & intimacy negatively.

Children learn first & foremost, by example, & growing up with parents who don't get along (or worse!) greatly impacts their ability to embark upon happy relationships when they grow up.

Of course, we can't forget about the couples who DO perservere through the bad times & have a richer, happier life by staying together than they would have, if they had simply walked out. Remember, something worth keeping is almost always worth fighting for.

The vast majority of couples who break up (for reasons other than infidelity) do so because one or both partners feel neglected, undesired &/or unloved. These areas can always be improved by working together & obtaining counseling when necessary, in order to put things in proper perspective.

The most difficult part of all of this can be figuring out whether a relationship falls into the first category or the second. Being so close to a particular situation can completely impair our abilities to think objectively on our own, which is why counseling can be so important.

A therapist cannot tell a couple whether a relationship is beyond salvaging, but they can guide couples toward more objectivity, in order for them to ascertain this for themselves.

See you on the bunny trail, Dr. E!

Answer 3

I'm much happier without the ex. He was a very selfish man. I would marry again if I found the right man!

Answer 4

My ex was happiest dressed as a lady - he didn't discover this until we were married for awhile. It was a huge turn off for me. I don't regret getting divorced, but I regret letting him keep the house.

Answer 5

I'm planning on dating for like 5 years, just so my kids don't have to go through that.

Answer 6

widower
never divorced