My husband has been at the lowest point of his life for the past 2 years. I have been the "force" that the keeps my family together. I'm sure bec. of this he has kept to himself and has totally abandoned his sexual duties as a husband. I have sent feelers that my needs has to be addressed but all for naught. I have been harboring lustful thoughts that I want to get it from somebody else but I know that would just be getting into a bigger problem. I feel less of a woman now and I feel that my sexuality has reached the deadend. I feel that this is so unfair but at the same time think that it is just sex and that I would soon be pass this. Enlighten me.
2007-09-23 03:43:42 · 34 answers · asked by nuana 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If I were your husband I would so want you to talk with me about your needs !
Thats why I married you...to be there for each other.
Please, discuss this with him before you take a wrong turn on this crazy road we call life !!!
A very dear person i know has this similiar problem...she made the wrong choice...feel free to e-mail me...maybe you could find something helpful from her mistake.
2007-09-23 03:55:08 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
In my opinion here's what you should do, if having an affair of lust is out of the question then you need to visit your local adult 'toy' store and purchase a comfortable vibrating devise that will excite as well as pleasure you in ways that only you will know how needs to be done. But if it is an affair of the carnal desires that you need then I would suggest you seek a suitable participant from a city that your husband does not frequent. These type of liaisons can be found by looking in the personals pages of a news journal or paper.
Just keep one thing in mind if you choose to go through with an affair of the flesh, you will be the one that has to bear the guilt of what you have done each and every time you look at or talk with your husband, can you live with that guilt?
The best bet is to just buy a vibrating devise and pleasure your self either in bed or in the shower...
Good luck
2007-09-23 03:59:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would like to know why you are still fighting for this marriage? It seems to me that he is not doing anything on his part to help your situation. I don't think he cares any more, and why should you have to suffer? I don't know if you have considered divorcing him, but if I was you, I seriously would. There is only so much somebody can take. There is no point to live with a person that doesn't even care for you. And by the way, sex is not just sex. You would become frustrated, bitter, unhappy, and depress. You need to find a man that would care for you, that would love you, respect you, please you, provide for you, but above all that would take the time to make you happy. You deserve to be happy, and i don't think you will achieve that with him. I'm sorry if I sound cruel, but why would you stay in a boat that is doom to capsize.
2007-09-23 06:23:11 · answer #3 · answered by Ricardo R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know about that but I hope the best for your marriage. It's one thing not having sex but living without intimacy altogether is something else, it can be hell living like that. For yourself, join a support group, gym or class of some sort. You may also want to get some therapy, it's easy enough to take care of a cold or sprained ankle but what happens when your heart/mind need help? Remember, how many men will admit to having a sexual problem? Even to their wife/girlfriend. Unfortunately only your husband can seek the help he desperately needs. Take care & best wishes.
2007-09-23 06:34:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
.OH HELL NO!! It does NOT make you less of a woman at all. Even if your sex life were awesome right now it wouldn't be wrong. And good for you realizing that an affair would not help your current situation. So go to town honey!!! Truth be told I gratify myself all the time. I use old memories, or I'll grab one of my sister’s trashy novels because some of those sex scenes in the books are so hot it’s unreal. Or I picture myself doing my sexual fantasies. I have this sexual fantasy that I would probably never do, but it turns me on to no end. So I imagine that. Don't be afraid to think about anything that turns you on. They are just thoughts so none of them are wrong. Even it's you being with another woman. After you get comfortable pleasuring yourself maybe one night you could hit on your husband when you go to bed and if doesn't want to do anything then simply say "well would you mind or be offended if I pleasured myself here in bed before I go to sleep?" Now, if he says he would mind then just excuse yourself and go do it anyway. DO NOT get offended or act hurt. If he's at a low period in his life it's just that, not you personally. But you can be damn sure if you leave to go pleasure yourself that's all he'll be thinking about, for days. If you do end up pleasuring yourself in front of him, it might take you longer to orgasm but keep at it, and just dig deep for thoughts that totally turn you on. Also, don't let him make you feel guilty about what you're doing, ever. Tell him that all you’re thinking about are some of the past hot sex you’ve had with him and thinking about some new things you’d like to try with him someday. And if you are in the middle of pleasuring yourself and he decides he wants to become involved and have sex all the better, but have him help you orgasm first by telling him exactly what to do. So after you finish then he can get off without the pressure of making sure you get yours. Good Luck
xxx
2007-09-23 04:23:37 · answer #5 · answered by Shel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no your not..we all do it even if our sex lives are great..its natural.as for wanting to get it from someone else,abandon that idea if you love your husband because that will end in disaster and the grass is not greener on the other side.i've been there and it did nothing for me sexually or any other way.all it did was ruin a good marriage that was like yours,sexless and i thought as you do that getting it elsewhere might help but it don't and i would never suggest it to you or anyone.just do what you got to do for now and in time hopefully he'll come around and you 2 will have your sex life back.
2007-09-23 03:55:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Lowest point in his life is the clue here - Build his confidence and make him feel like a man and needed and you willl " get some " in due time. If a woman does not feel sexy her drive will diminish and if a man does not have confidence - well same thing. Please give it time ! Hell break the car, refridge, lawn mower and ask him to fix it. When he does , be blown away at how he figured it out and did it so quickly... Give him a gift of gratitude that evening . I happen to love aggresive women - to take the lead once in a while - makes me feel desirable - women feel the same way right ? Why don't you rape him - no holds barred sexual , to hell with everything - RAPE. Slip into the shower with him.
2007-09-23 03:55:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Gratifying yourself sexually is normal. But that's not the problem here.
The problem is your relationship with your husband. He's been at his lowest point for TWO YEARS!!!! Either he needs to get help or he needs to get out. If he is that bad, I can only imagine the impact it may be having on your kids.
As far as sex, it's not just about intercourse, but everything that goes with it. Masturbating will help with the physical need but it is no substitute for the intimacy that your marriage is lacking.
I applaud your effort in keeping your family together, but you also need to think about yourself. And what you need to do to keep yourself together.
2007-09-23 03:53:17 · answer #8 · answered by candy'sroom 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Women are the first ones to put others first. Their children, their husbands, everyone else's basic needs always take precedence. But WHY? Your needs are just as important as everyone else's. And if no one else is tending to them, then you're just being ignored. Don't be unfair to yourself. Take care of yourself! You'll live longer, and have more fun in the process.
Less of a woman? Hell no. You're a better woman for taking care of your needs. It'll help you focus better on the rest of your crazy life.
2007-09-23 03:53:49 · answer #9 · answered by staggerlee337 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Wow, 2 years? I hope your husband is in therapy, because it sounds like he has depression. You shouldn't feel guilty about taking care of yourself, you are probably saving your marriage by doing that. With a husband it's never "just sex", it's a way to show your love for each other, and when something changes it does hurt.
2007-09-23 03:52:24 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No you are not less of a woman for gratifying yourself sexually. If you are not sure why he is doing this I would ask him to enlighten you not here and especially for your 1st question.
2007-09-23 04:40:01 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋