I was sexually assulted ......?

Question

First off im actually girl, but my profile hasnt saved to girl. I am 17 yrs old.

About a year and a half ago, twice in the same range period, i was secually assulted by two different guys. Since then i have not been able to trust guys, or see them in the same way that girls should. Instead i have turned to being attractive to girls more than guys, and i feel more comfortable. I dont have anything against lesbians or bi-sexuals, but i dont want to be one due to the fact that my family dont accept it, and they wouldnt accept my reason. I have to hide it all the time, i will NEVER tell them, but at the same time i dont want to hide the REAL ME. I get very angry, and upset for this matter. But at the same time, im not all into the girl-to-girl sex thing due to be assulted.

So how can i DEAL with this pain, and find the right girl who just wants love and comfort.

I thanks your comments a lot, also i have been to the police, the first guy got let off with a caution, and the other guy they couldnt find.

Answer 1

Right, first of i know where you're coming from sweetie. I was raped at 12 yrs old. So i know how hard it can be.

1. First off, you WILL GET THROUGH THIS.
2. You're life has now changed forever, you will never be who you were before. (not in all ways, but in most ways.)
3. It's you're life, and it's up to you to choose how to live it and how to make the best out of it.

4. Now you need to find somebody you can talk to. (If thats what you feel will help you, for me it helped writing it all down in a diary and venting it all in there. I still do this now, not to vent about the rape, but just about life, because i'm not the kind to open up to people, partly cos i'm naturally shy, but also cos of the rape, i still at the age of 21 have serious trust issues, but i'm working on that!)
5. Write it down, draw, listen to music, make music, just generally be creative.
6. Finding that right girl, sorry to say is unlikely to happen, Why?, because unless you've actually been through something like that nobody can possibly understand, no councellor, no sexual abuse worker et etc, can possibly understand unless it's actually happened to them.
7. You NEED to let go of the old you.
8. You NEED to embrace and welcome the new you. (You are now changed forever, and it doesn't mean, or have to be a bad thing, remember what i said above, it's you're life and you make it what you can and want.)
9. you are NOT gay, trust me. it's a trust issue, i have this even after all this time.
10. you must, and i cannot over emphasise this enough, you MUST, MUST, MUST put yourself into situations you wouldn't normally put youself in. Don't push it too hard, you don't want to end up crumbling and completely breaking down.
11. Cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, and......cry.
12. If you have to, read life stories if you feel you a whallowing in you're own self pity too much.
13. have LOTS of time yourself. You need this in the beginning, you need to get to grips with the new you, you need to get to grips with you're emotions, on how it feels saying hello and goodbye to the old and new you. right now you probably have so many emotions going through you, you can probably not put a name, or label on them.
14. Do some good for other people, it's good for the soul. (Not to mention everything else.)
15. Is there anything you can learn from what happened, could it have been prevented etc etc.
16. Remember life isn't fair, so don't whallow in you're own self pity for too long, it'll only come back to haunt you.

Above all smile, and remember, you are not in the wrong, they are. and men who do these thing to people like us should be locked up. In fact i think they should have their manlyhood snipped. (Sorry if i offend anybody)

Answer 2

I can tell you how to deal with the pain. You need to get counselling and you need to do it before it eats you alive. I was raped as a small child and then again as a teenager by someone I trusted. My memory shut it down because I couldn't deal with it and the pain I felt came out in blind rage. That pain turned into a second and then a third personality. One is me, one is a 6 year old child and one is Her, the One-Who-Will-Avenge. She's the one who comes out when all I see is red and I've put holes through solid wood fences with my fist (scary...) or taken after someone with a machete. Luckily I didn't get arrested.
Don't let this happen to you. Please.
Get the help you need (and you *do* need it) and let the pain go. Then you can find the love you're worthy of. And you ARE worthy of Love, I'll tell you that. You're a beautiful loving person, my Daughter and no one should ever take that away from you.
May you find Happiness. I did. Blessings.

PS: I agree with Bekka ; they should be castrated...and I "know" Someone who would be happy to do it......but I wouldn't call Her....

Answer 3

Number One -- Go directly to the police -- NOW -- identify the men who raped you -- it isn't an easy row -- but it is more truthful, and more protective of others.

Number Two -- From there go directly to a mental health professional. No one becomes homosexual due to rape -- that is a fantasy of those who don't understand homosexuality. Females however are more sexually fluid than males -- so it is possible that you are displacing your feelings from males to females. That doesn't make you gay though -- if you were gay you wouldn't have had feelings for males in the first place. You need help from a professional to allow you to sort things out.

Your family is immaterial to this. You aren't gay, not unless these feelings were always here and the rapes were incidental. We really can't help you, realistically - but a mental health professional can. If there are none available in your area that you won't have to pay -- go to one of the following four churches and ask for help (I list these four and not the 1400 and some others because I know that these four will treat the situation professionally, while I know that in some other churches they will send you to frauds): Roman Catholic, Episcopalian (not Pittsburgh or San Joaquin dioceses though), Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (NOT any other Lutheran group) or Unitarian. Show then this post and my response if you can't bear to talk about it -- and ask them to help you to find someone professional whom your parents won't know you are talking to.

Reyn
[e-mail]
http://www.rebuff.org

Answer 4

Don't look at this negatively, but you really need to seek out counciling... if you do not you are going to continue to build a wall around yourself and eventually become a loner in the world and feel all of lifes disappointments are all your fault or that people are out to get you. It seem from your comments that you just want to find someone in your life that makes you feel whole and wanted and needed. Before you can even go there, you need to feel happy and one with yourself. Counciling can be just between you and the other person. They do not have to tell anyone, including your parents unless you want them to or that they feel you are going to do physical harm to yourself or others.

I hope this helps you and good luck. Just remember, the longer you do not deal with it the more it will build up inside and feel like the weight of the world is on your back. You will meet wonderful people all throughout your lifetime, but if you do not deal with this it will side track you and you will miss out on those opportunities.

Answer 5

The trauma of a sexual assault takes some time to get over. I suggest seeing a counselor because that will help you heal faster. Also, it may make you feel better if you start taking precautions to make yourself feel safer. For example, carry mace and take a self defense class. I have done both and they were very helpful. Protecting yourself is a way you can feel a little more back in control of your body and your personal space. Good luck!

Answer 6

I'm very sorry to hear of this dear.
The other posters are right- you need to get help, bt make sure your psychologist is qualified & professionally trained in sensitive issues like these. If possible, don't think of anything for now, just concentrate on yr recovery.

I most empathically understand your feelings, bt i need to clear this up- there are just as many manipulative, abusive women as there are men, so turning to other women is actually just as dangerous. Do be careful of who you socialize with -both men AND women.

My heart bleeds for you, sweetie.
Lots of gentle hugs fr a sympathetic stranger

Answer 7

that's completely understandable why you don't trust guys (you didn't deserve to have that done to you) and completely understandable why you've turned your interests to women, it's a safety net in a way. you really don't hear about women pushing themselves onto others. you don't want to be a bi-sexual or a lesbian as your family won't accept it? why does that matter? families don't accept alot of things we do with our lives, but they deal with it. it's your happiness, not there's. and if your happy being with a woman then so be it. but you have to come to terms with being happy with a woman first.... then present it to your family. also no woman that you'll get involved with will just offer you love and comfort (eventually sex will get into the picture, and if you find the right woman she should respect your wishes and wait till your ready).... eventually they'll want to accepted by your family and friends they won't always want to be on the side lines...

~best of luck~

Answer 8

I think you should report those incidents and should get counseling and treatment and then go from there. It will never go away completely, but if you don't "deal with it" with professional help, it will mess up your emotional health forever. Don't worry right now who or what gender you should be with sexually or anything like that; just try to get some counseling first and work through some things and the rest will play itself out.

Answer 9

I am so sorry for your ordeal. I too am a victim of sexual buse. I can clearly say that you must speak with a professional, you have to work on the anger and trust issues. find a friend to comfort you for now. You will heal, it takes time and alot of work. You can do it. If you wish to speak to me email me please.
god bless and keep you.
my prayers go out to you.
Once you take care of the issues that are on the front burner and need to be addressed, then you tackle the parent issue. I say take it one step at a time.

Answer 10

Trust issues are difficult and best dealt with by a professional counselor. But afterwards you may still be inclined to be with girls and then you will have to face the truth. But for now...get help.