This question is a repost of sorts, I have received some great feedback and I am looking for more. Here is the situation; I am a 33 year divorced father of 2 boys (ages 4 & 6) I have been raising them mostly on my own as my "baby mama" is a nut job. I was lucky enough to meet and fall in love with a wonderful woman. I had no intentions on looking for love after my divorce, I just wanted to be a daddy, but when you aren't looking love finds you. Anyway... We have been together for about a year and a half now and have only a few issues in our relationship. Most of them are the common everyday problems that arise in all relationships, we take great pride in our ability to communicate our concerns and solve the issues quickly.
The big one, a possible deal breaker is this: I have been very wishy washy when it comes to the number of children we would have if we were to marry. She has none of her own and at first I wanted no more. It caused us to split and she moved out of my house.
2007-09-23 03:23:22 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Shortly after I realized that I love this woman too much to let her go over something like this. We then started our relationship over and once again I changed my mind on wanting children with her. Once again breaking her heart. Since then we reconciled and once more I changed my mind on having babies. But then after some time apart and long talks with my best friend and my girl's mother I have come to the conclusion that I love this woman and fatherhood too much to not have any children. I now embrace the idea of having a baby or two. So basically I have played ping pong with her heart for awhile now. My fear is I have caused too much damage to fix the relationship. Is there anything I can do to show her that this time I mean it? To show her once in for all I want to spend my life with her and raise a family. I told her how I feel and understandably she feels like "here we go again" and said she is not sure she can allow herself to give 100% of her heart to me AGAIN! I need some help
2007-09-23 03:23:48 · update #1
I have to be honest, at first when I read your topic header I thought you had done something horrible like cheated on her. I don't think what you have done, changed your mind, is really unexpected...especially from a man...who has 2 kids from a previous relationship and actually HAS experience with raising children. I can, however, see where she is coming from the first time around when you said "no children". For a woman who is in love and no doubt ready to make a commitment and have a family, those are hard words to hear. Especially if she has always wanted children and she was just waiting for the right man. SO, I understand her hurt, however, I am a little surprised she didn't come around when you changed your mind. You put thought in it, consulted other important people in your life about it and came to a great conclusion...one in her favor no less. Explain to her how you came about your new opinion and I think she will slowly realize it's a good thing for her...and yourself. If she loves you, her heart will soften and she will come around. Good luck to you!
2007-09-23 03:39:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't think you want this woman! If you did, you would not care about this issue so passionately. You've broken her heart several times, and every time she walks away and you think she's gone, you say, "Oh wait, I think maybe....maybe I DO want to give you what you want!" Then you reel her in just to change your mind again. You have serious control issues, and you are manipulating her. Leave her alone. Let her go find a man who cherishes her. She is way too good for someone like you. I'm sorry if this is harsh or if it hurts your tender ego, but you don't yo yo people you love around this way. You wouldn't treat your kids this way - or at least I hope you wouldn't - and you have no right to treat her this way either.
2007-09-23 03:48:46 · answer #2 · answered by Kitten Hood 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
So have you made up your mind where you stand on the children situation? You should work this out, once and for all, before trying to reunite with her.
Let me tell you from recent experience. If you love her, don't let another day pass without telling her. It will take time for her to trust you again, but you being there and reassuring her each day that you love her and you're in it 100% will make it an easier decision for her to make.
Best of luck.
2007-09-23 03:40:24 · answer #3 · answered by Stephanie 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You don't go back. Once somebody breaks up with you, it can never be a good relationship. You move on having learned your lesson unless you want to be her fall back plan so she doesn't have to be alone while she looks for the new turkey.
2007-09-23 03:31:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, it's going to take more than words to convince her that you have completly changed your mind. You are going to have to pull out all the stops, and you are going to court this woman. First you need to start talking again. Write her a letter and go shopping. I want you to go to the store and buy something adoreable for a baby. A bib that says "I love Mommy", or a little outfit. A precious little girl outfit since you want a little girl, who looks like just her Momma.
The letter and the "gift" will be the start. In the letter ask her for a date. Start slow, but everytime you see her or every couple of days send her something for a baby. Or a maternity top for her. A baby album, fill out the Mother and Father part. You get the idea, and if you do happen to win her again, don't break it again. Admit to her just what you said her, if you want to, show her this.
I wish you good luck, and I am hoping to hear in about 10 months a birth announcement, and hear how happy your little family of 4 are doing.
God bless us all................
2007-09-23 03:50:14 · answer #5 · answered by totallylost 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
you could admit to her what you said here -- that you feel you might have gone too far to fix the relationship, but that you want to... tell her how you feel.
you might also discuss finances and figure out if/when another child would be feasible.. it takes money and a good sense of responsibility to bring a child into this world, as you know
so if she accepts your apology and is willing to listen, the two of you can figure out if and when you want more kids.
kids don't necessarily make a marriage better, and in fact, can put a strain on a relationshp....
you both need to come to some sort of agreement about this very important and huge decision to have kids or not, if things are going to work out.
take care and i hope things DO work.
2007-09-23 03:36:12 · answer #6 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
What is this? Tennis?
You did it 3 times already.
You should've figured it out by the first chance, and even by the second chance, and now you want a 4th chance?
It's up to her if she wants to play ping-pong with her heart.
2007-09-23 03:52:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rule number one - if you ever do or say anything really BIG DEAL that has caused heaps and heaps of pain, then dont go back.
Write it off as all too hard and thats the one you buggered up and hopefully learned a hard lesson from.
IF she ever trusts you again then boy oh boy - I would not open my mouth EVER again without thinking.
2007-09-23 03:54:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should get the children decided before you get serious. I know having children of my own is very important to me and I made sure my husband felt the same way before we married. I wish you lots of luck and hope it all works out.
2007-09-23 03:33:16 · answer #9 · answered by babygirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is challenging to even picture that a book can help people to alter their fates however } countless mens and women, individuals that they have actually benefitted in a big
2016-05-18 11:54:47 · answer #10 · answered by brian 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋