I recently found out that my husband cheated on me at his bachelor party. We have been married for almost 5 years. He is not the one who told me however I know for a fact it is true. I have not been perfect either but he doesn't know that. I'm wondering if this is a conversation worth having with him.
2007-09-23 02:48:29 · 29 answers · asked by Butterfly16 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
talk to him about it. were you married when you cheated? if not then there really is no difference in what you both did. if you were, then you REALLY need to talk about it. tell him why you did it & if that was the only time you did. this can only do two things: 1) bring you closer together or 2) let you both know how you really feel & maybe end the marriage because it may mean you dont want to be married.
either way communicate with him & let him know that you know about it & how you feel knowing that he couldnt tell you himself.
2007-09-23 03:10:50 · answer #1 · answered by gorf79 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well he cheated but you also cheated, just let everything alone because then both of you are going to be angry at each other. You guys can go see a counselor and get it all out that way and maybe work it out with the counselors help. You guys should think before doing. At a bachelor party they do this because they have 1 more night to be free not because they want to it is scary tying someone down for the rest of their lives. Even some women do it. If you did it at your baccalaureate party then maybe you guys will under stand each other. You were not married yet and you had one more night of freedom that is what these parties are all about. You should really do counseling though because without help I don't think you guys would get through this. You guys can try to get it all out THEN counseling this will help I hope I was allot of help!
2007-09-23 10:10:49 · answer #2 · answered by lostinlove1919 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that somewer this relationship isnt going right and u 2 need to tlk about wot is going rong to mek u wnt to cheat on each other. If it is really eating u up inside then confront ur husband about his affair, but because u have been married for 5 yrs, wud this make ne difference? maybe he was just really drunk? i no that is not a very gd excuse but either way its an indiscresion that probablywont mek ne difference to ur married life because it happnd so long ago.
About ur part in affairs - he hasnt mentioned to u that he cheated so even if u r planning to bring up his affair, i wudnt bring up urs unless it is really eating at u. maybe honesty is the best policy and its better the get it out of the way now, especially if u u feel that he might find out some how, but ovawise something r best left unsaid. It cud reali put a further strain on ur marriage.
the best thing to do is not mention any affair, just say that u no some things are going wrong and try to address the issue. if it needs to come up during the conversation then it does.
xx gd luk and hope this helps xxx
2007-09-23 10:38:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
At this point, I don't see revealing anything like this or letting him know that you know would serve a point. It certaintly wouldn't help your marriage. Yeah alot of people may say clear your conscious. If you can live with your actions and are accepting of his then why bother to say anything. Apparently even though you are not innocent, it seems to be bothering you that he cheated because here you are asking perfect strangers if you should tell. Don't mean to sound harsh but been married for several years and got married very young...finding out secrets without being told is VERY BAD. Causes unnecessary hurt feeling and resentment toward each other. Can you handle NOT saying anything? That is what you need to ask yourself.
2007-09-23 10:08:36 · answer #4 · answered by HBIC 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He wasnt married at his bachelor party was he? Then it was not cheating. Sounds like some little lady is looking for a way out, What is the real problem here. It is not the fact that he had a stripper at a bachelor party now is it. What do you really want....
2007-09-23 10:04:30 · answer #5 · answered by Johnny C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you have to decide what type of marriage you want and work towards that. I think that if you are ok with a cheating marriage where everyone "pays back" the other (even if the other isnt aware of it) then you should say so. That kind of marriage seems childish to me though, so I suggest getting everything on the table and committing to having an honest marriage.
2007-09-23 09:53:09 · answer #6 · answered by boomerang3que 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you set the path didn't you??
You can either out with him, telling him that you know, but you forgive him since you did it too, but want to start afresh from now, or you let that one go, and see if something else happens.
Personally, I'd have it out with him, as if he finds out that you know he did and never confronted him, then he'll either wonder why and will eventually work it out, or, he'll think that you don't care or that you're not too bothered by it, as long as he comes home to you.
Your call!
2007-09-23 10:39:06 · answer #7 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not just swing together and save the cheating part?!
If you both feel the need to seek sex with others, why not do it together? Join a swingers club, or an on-line swingers meeting place and enjoys each other while you enjoy others.
Otherwise, continue "cheating" and be miserable!
Humans are not a monogamous species, so stop pretending, while building your marriage, talk with your spouse and tell him you know he's had sex with others and you have too and you love him and want to do it together...it works for many people.
If it doesn't work, you're no worse off then those who skip swinging together and go straight to divorce.
Swinging works for my wife and I , and for many others! Human beings are meant to have multiple partners, so why not share the experience with your loved one?
2007-09-23 09:55:42 · answer #8 · answered by Greenman 5 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Time to clear the air. Your relationship is based on lies right now by both of you. If you value your guy and this marriage, then set him down today and tell him everything including what you know about him. it wil be a bit tense for a few days, maybe even testy for weeks but you will both have a clear head. Good Luck.
2007-09-23 10:00:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
doesn't sound like you have much trust or faith in each other and don't communicate well.
and if you've been cheating, i guess you don't respect him.
if he cheated at his bachelor party, that was also wrong. you found out through hearsay, so you can't know it's true, unless you have pictures or a video.
2007-09-23 09:59:09 · answer #10 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋