has anyone out there had a child that died at a young age? my daughter was killed at 6 yrs.old in 2001?

Question

i can't deal with it and i don't have any family left. her dad was at fault as he was under the influence and got in a car accident so i beat the hell out of him and left him, now i am in a new relationship and everything was fine but i think i might be pregnant and my boyfriend doesn't want a child because he is in his mid 40's but i could not abort because i would feel like i was passing up a chance to regain some of the joy and completion that i had before i lost my daughter. but i love him and i don't think i can raise a child alone. i am agreat mom but a lousy dad. any advice would be wonderful, especially from someone who has been through a similar tradgedy

Answer 1

I'm so, so sorry to hear what you have been through.
Your right - you are a FANTASTIC mother - I can just tell.
I havent been through a tragedy like this, but a friend of mine lost her daughter Lexie when she was 8 months old. She died of cot death.
She was absolutely devestated. About a year later she got pregnant and had another little girl, and called her Gemma Lexie.
She hasn't stopped grieving for Lexie, but her new baby is so like she was, and the middle name really helps, its like she has a part of Lexie left.
You were right to leave the nan under the influence of alcohol, he killed you little girl and you won't ever forget her. She was a huge part of your life, the most important part.
But now you have a chance to raise another baby. You cannot give that chance up.
I know you love your man, but when you give birth to another child and feel that overwhelming unconditional love you have had once before, it will all be worth it.
I know you love your partner, I have had my heart badly broken in the past and it took me a long time to get over it, a hell of a long time.
But now I am in a relationship with a man I truly love with all my heart, and we are trying for a baby. And he is 49! Age doesn't mater. My dad had another baby when he was 47. Sure, he's an old dad, but he's a great dad.
Maybe your partner will come round, maybe not. But you can be a great mummy to your baby girl or boy. You can watch him/her grow up, watch them walk and talk for the first time, experience their first day at school, do their homework with him/her. Although you love your partner, if you get rid of this baby, you will resent him forever. And your love will eventually turn to hate.
You are a kind, warm and genuine person, and trust me sweetheart, women like you are never on their own for long. Certainly not forever.
I would really like to know whether you are pregnant for definate or not, and what decision you make. Please email me, and I will give you any support you feel you need. Sometimes its easier to talk to someone outside the box.
I wish you the very best of luck, you are in my thoughts.
Good luck sweetheart.

Answer 2

Dear lovechild,

My heart condolences and sympathies towards your daughter’s death. Having a son of my own aged 9, I can understand the feeling. I can’t imagine life without my child.

Nothing can console the loss. I pity for you and pray god that he should give you peace and give you enough strength.

I also feel for the dad. He would be feeling guilty throughout his life. Accidents or accidents, they are not planned. It is fate.

Blaming him and beating the hell out of him and leaving is a wrong move which you did. You both should have gone ahead and had one more child. This time he would have been more responsible father. Now that you have left him, you can’t do anything about it. Trust me even today he would be suffering more than you as it happened because of him.

Good that you are in a new relationship. If even this guy is not interested in child, even he will be an irresponsible dad.

Think 100 times before you go for child. Discuss with him and convince him.

With warm regards
Gentleman

Answer 3

I lost a daughter 21 years ago, and it led to the end of the marriage as well (no fault - she just needed space). When my new wife fell pregnant it opened up a lot of issues that I thought had been dealt with.

Find a support group, here we have TCF, The Compassionate Friends, a group of parents who have all lost children.

As far as this pregnancy goes and your relationship. You need to make this decision yourself and it may mean being a single parent.

There are obviously a number of personal issues you need to work through about the loss as well as relationships and what you attract. I would suggest EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and Resonance Repatterning amongst others.

Feel free to stay in touch.

Answer 4

I don't know about the stages of cervical cancer but I do know that my sister in law had cervical cancer when she was 21. And they did not hold much hope for her. but the doctors operated, complete hysterectomy, experimented with some medicine that was being tried. This was in 1958. She is still with us. She and her husband adopted a girl and a boy when they could not have one of their own. She has 3 grandchildren now. They know so much more about cancer now, have so many more treatments, chances have improved a lot. Your daughter probably has a better chance than was possible in 1958. And like I said, my sister-in-law is still happy and well. I hope this positive message helps you believe that the doctors will do thier very best and that it will be good enough.

Answer 5

My daughter died in a bad car accident at the age of 19. That happened 3 months after she graduated from high school as a child-care teacher. My husband and I were so distraught over this, it nearly drove us apart, after 20 years of marriage. We are still on the road to recovery after 5 years. Please seek counseling and advice as this will help. lol. Take Care!

Answer 6

I lost a baby girl, I was not married to her mother. There is pain but not the kind you feel, for to lose one at birth is bad but to get to know them would be pure hell. I have a friend who fathered his first child at fifty and he is two years younger then me. He help raise his wife's children and when they were out of school, they had two more.

Answer 7

Bless your heart:I have never lost a child,it would tear me apart but I can only imagine the pain.The Lord acts in mysterious ways,I do believe if you r preg it was meant to b.You may love this man,but this is his child to.I believe if he loves you he will stand by you thats the way it should b and 40 isn,t too old,good luck

Answer 8

My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for your loss. I have lost people close to me, but I beleive the loss of a child has to be the hardest. You should try to find some kind of a support group in your area.

Answer 9

Tell the dad that it'ws too late, either he takes the baby or he loses the both of you. find a guy who really cares for you and would go through thick and thin with you. if he's not willing to accept the baby then you're better without him. stay strong girl.

Answer 10

Get some counseling about these poor choices you are making in male company. And it doesn't matter if your BF wants a child or not, he was man enough to get you pregnant, he can be man enough to deal with the consequences.