I almost got excited when you said we would talk much more.
I almost got excited wen you said you'd show up at my door.
I'm sorry that I almost got excited when you said you really cared.
I feel stupid that I almost got excited when you said you'd be there.
I try and try not to get excited when I'm wishing I'd be in your arms.
So excited that I would be with you and out of harm.
I guess I've learned when you get me excited you let me down.
Then I'm not so excited because no one is around.
So If it excites you to hear the sound of me crying.
Guess your in luck
Because to get excited that would be dumb as ****.
2007-09-22 19:48:13 · 4 answers · asked by xxdamned_angelxx 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Honestly, here is what I think.
You have a very clear and imaginative way of expressing yourself. With a little applied effort you probably could become a fine poet.
What you don't have, at least at this time, is a basic knowledge of poetic form, meter and pacing. You also should be careful to edit what you offer to the public to read because, at least from this sample, your grammar needs some work.
2007-09-22 20:20:39 · answer #1 · answered by Doc Watson 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a pity you need to put a swear word at the end of your poem, becaue I liked it up to that part. I think it's very heartfelt. Try some other rhyme instead of luck, and it'll make more of an impression.
2007-09-23 03:13:18 · answer #2 · answered by jenesuispasunnombre 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My honest opinion? Brush up on poetry101. It lacks all the poetic disciplines required in composition.
2007-09-23 04:21:09 · answer #3 · answered by Gray Matter 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well written poem, but it is a little vulgar, you should try re-writing it with emotion not vulgarity!
2007-09-25 18:49:53 · answer #4 · answered by kissaled 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋