A friend and I went to an all you can eat restuarant to have dinner. He can be a little picky about his surroundings. He does not like to eat beside families with small children and he does not like eating near loud teenagers. (I can somewhat understand). When we sat to eat we moved from one table near small children (ages 1 and three) to another table.
A family sat beside us with a "mentally challenged" daughter. She looked like she was 10 years old and my friend wanted to move again b/c he said looking at her made his stomach turn. At this point, I drew the line. I told him that his behavior was "snooty," childish, cruel and unnecessary. He was angry at me b/c he said that I was being rude for not respecting his wishes and I was trying be controlling. To make along story short, we ended up moving b/c the argument became a little heated and the family was beginning to notice.
QUESTION FOR YOU
Was I wrong for taking up for the family instead of moving right away!
2007-09-22 18:50:08 · 23 answers · asked by Andre L 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ People with Disabilities
No you were not wrong in confronting your friend about his behavior. He really needs to learn to be more tolerant of other people... he was very cruel, snooty and childish!
2007-09-24 06:23:08 · answer #1 · answered by junebug 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If that girl was not being very loud or behaving badly then I don't think there was really a reason to move. I think it's silly if just seeing some person makes one's stomach turn and I'd think it was quite simple to just look in some other direction then.
I wouldn't want to move between tables several times during a meal, especially when there is no real reason why to do it. On top of that, it surely doesn't feel good for that girl's family if people keep moving away from them and avoiding them as if she's some sort of a pest.
I think it was normal that you drew a line there and I actually think your friend was quite rude to both you (for insisting on you moving several times to ensure his comfort) and that family. Your friend was exactly what he accused you of being, not respecting your wishes and being controlling.
You were absolutely not wrong, you were right. Your friend could learn a lot from you.
2007-09-24 09:23:57 · answer #2 · answered by undir 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Andre, it looks to me like you did the best you could with the way your friend was behaving. You objected and then, to avoid disrupting the family you described, you moved.
It seems oddly amusing to me that your table-hopping friend accused you of being the controlling one. No one likes to be called snooty or cruel, and so maybe your friend was trying to defend himself.
It is never easy to confront someone who shows little sympathy or empathy towards other people. Don't expect a gracious reaction. The best any of us can do is to try and carefully chose our own words, and then move on.
The "turning my stomach" comment really hit home for me because I have a family member who has used this comment about other people, repeatedly. After years of trial and error, I've found phrases like this one do the trick: "Well then, don't look over there, pay attention to my cute face instead". This family member does not comprehend that her phrases are cruel, at least not in the moment. Discussing things with her later sometimes helps, but has not been a cure. I think it's sad that some people can not see 'the person', they only see 'the differences".
2007-09-23 06:54:29 · answer #3 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No-
Your friend in a butt! Do not feel as if you were in the wrong. I have 5 small children and their restaurant ettiquette is exceptional! I do understand that this isn't always the norm, but give people a chance. Then, and only then, if there is a problem, ask to be moved. I will say that his preference for not sitting next to the family with the "mentally challenged" child because it makes his "stomach churn" leads me to believe that you could certainly pick better friends. Maybe you should consider a different dinnermate next time.
2007-09-23 02:07:44 · answer #4 · answered by chamie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are many restuarant. Parents should teach children and teenages how to behavior in a restuarant. But they should be allow to chat and be excitted it might be someone birthday. Some places are kid friendly and are not made for a quite meal.
He has to give a bit on his part too and accept some level of nosie. Try not moving unless the nosie level does became a problem but not before asking them to quite down a little.
Or go to a restuarent where they do not allow children.
2007-09-24 08:30:44 · answer #5 · answered by jobees 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No --
I think you had the better opinion. I think that's discriminating of your friend to feel that way about people with disabilities, families with small children, etc. If I were in the table with the girl, and your friend's making snooty remarks about us, I'd feel insulted.
I think it's quite refreshing to have someone stand out for people who are discriminated, insulted and the like just because somebody else doesn't like what they see. I know that everyone's entitled to his own opinion, but the way your friend acts is just taking it too far.
2007-09-23 04:10:40 · answer #6 · answered by Hanabi Yuu 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I think you were right. Going out in public is a public affair. He should know that people he might be uncomfortable with could sit near him when dining outside of his home. He needs to learn that people are all different. After all, how would he like it if he made someone's stomach turn when he sat down next to them 'forcing' them to move? I use the quotation marks because no one is forcing him to eat in a public place, and frankly people like that are just ignorant to the beauty in differences.
2007-09-23 21:15:32 · answer #7 · answered by Super-Pop 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you were not wrong and people are just discriminatory.
We live in a world where everyone wants you to be body beautiful intelligent and perfect. God bless you for being so kind, your friend on the other hand could use some compassion in his life.
2007-09-26 00:02:28 · answer #8 · answered by encourager4God 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend was being a jerk. When I go to a restaurant I always request a table AWAY from kids. I won't accept one if they try to seat me near some.
I don't need to sit next to a family that takes the ankle biters out in public once per year.
Yes I had my kids-if we went to a nice restaurant we ALWAYS requested to be in a corner or next to the kitchen. If one of ours began screaming, we would TAKE HIM OUTSIDE.
2007-09-23 11:02:36 · answer #9 · answered by WooleyBooley again 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no., unfortunatly this is how sum ppl act. U can try 2 change him or get a new friend. Ur friend seems 2 like 2 discriminate ppl. If u keep hanging 'round ppl may think tht u discriminate
2007-09-23 09:20:46 · answer #10 · answered by elle 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋