Seriously, you can be commited w/out marriage. Love is commitment, family is commitment. I will get married one day but I am so sick of people saying marry for your family. We are a family no matter what our legal statis is. Sure, marriage is the final step in a relationship but it doesnt give you a better one. I believe marriage is sacred, dont get me wrong, I just feel it is pushed on people and sometimes done for all the wrong reasons..like legal purposes. Someone said, "get married so if the die you'll get something". Now, what kind of woman would I be if that was my thought walking down the isle? And someone else said, marry so they cant walk away so easily...Why have a messy divorce(not that I plan on it but it can happen). And someone else said to me, "my child is illiginement in Gods eyes b/c we arent married" How can yoyu call yourself religious and say that? Dont people know that God doesnt judge? Im sorry I just need to vent but there are some messed up minds out there....
2007-09-22 16:13:01 · 18 answers · asked by Samantha 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sry..messed up question.. Why do people say marriage makes u commited?
2007-09-22 16:14:24 · update #1
Don't be turned off by what other people say about marriage. It is the final level of commitment, but I agree with you that you can still be committed without marriage.
On the other hand, I have to tell you... that becoming married somehow strengthened that bond and commitment for me. Before we were married (we'd been together for 2 years), I didn't believe I could possibly be more committed to my husband, but I realized the morning after my wedding that I actually loved him even more than I did the morning before.
Good luck with your family situation! You'll know when the time is right.
2007-09-22 16:28:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋
Your opinions on this subject are proably being clouded by the way you said your mother raised you in another question. She did not give a stable environment, so you really haven't lived with people who are in love and have a good, solid marriage. If you feel occasionally feel like you should just leave your bf, that's not really a committment to me. Whether we were married or not, I don't ever think about LEAVING him.
You are correct, it should be done for the right reasons and you should love and respect the person you marry. But, there is more to it than that. Yes, you can be committed without being married, but it is harder to just walk away once you are married. You shouldn't go into marriage thinking the worst may happen. Be realistic about what you would do if the marriage didn't work, but be hopeful and work as a team.
As far as them dying and you getting something, I wouldn't worry so much about that. I would worry that if something happened to me and I was hospitalized or he was, the unmarried person has NO legal rights to say anything about their care. I have seen boyfriends and girlfriends cut out of ALL the decisions and some that have even been forbidden to see their gf/bf in the hospital. The next adult relative is the one the docs and nurses will go to. You opinion doesn't count. In my case, they would go to my dad who has NO idea how I feel about being on a ventilator or how I want my last days or funeral to be conducted. In my state, Georgia, if you aren't married and don't get married, the father must go to court and "legitimize" his child or he has NO legal rights. God may not judge, but the state court does. So, if you died, your parents would have more rights to the child than their father. Would you really want your child's father to have to go through that after he had tragically lost you?
It doesn't matter if you are married or not, if you have a child together, the break up will likely be messy. You still have to go to court, just as if you are married. Not getting married is not going to keep you from that pain or hassle.
You can't look at marriage as a trap. If you do, you are starting out on the wrong foot.
2007-09-23 10:44:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Traditional, marriage is a commitment. This is a true statement so isn't 1 out of every 3 marriages will end in divorce. Yes, I am realistic. They do have to call marriage a commitment because it is just a different kind then a dating commitment. Marriage goes way back so it is hard to explain something that means different things to many people.
You have your head on your shoulders, you know where your going and how your going to get there. Don't worry about others because they don't worry about you eventhough they speak of marriage, children, etc. Times have changed but some people's beliefs and values have not.
Who cares??? if your happy that is most important. If your child is loved and cared for, THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS. Stop trying to figure out something that you obiviously know doesn't apply to your situation. I would be proud knowing my daughter had her life together and is happy. Good for you. And no, God does not judge, just people. I am glad you did vent sounds like you may feel better now.
Good luck with your family commitment, I am in the same situation and life is good.
2007-09-22 23:28:04 · answer #3 · answered by JW 2 · 5⤊ 1⤋
I believe that it truly doesnt matter if you are or aren't married. Just because you had kids with the man doesn't mean that you should marry him. Many couples really don't have a choice and after exploring it myself I found that alot of state's have that "common law marriage." For those people that do love each other and spend it like a married couple but rather not have a formal wedding.
Personally, I grew up in a christian household and married a pagan. I believe in god and finally got married in the courthouse after having two children with my spouse. My husband and I had an agreement that after we have been successfully married after 5 years we would renew our vows and have the BIG wedding. We truly love each other but dont believe in that artificial "let's get married, right now just because everyone else is." We don't even have wedding rings but we truly love each other.
2007-09-23 01:21:27 · answer #4 · answered by Ashley 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A commitment is a commitment whether it's legal or not. A child born out of wedlock is still a child born.
I married a man that was of Catholic faith (I wasn't, did my Catechism classes, nothing finalized). We had premarital sex, I stopped taking bc, a year later I became pregnant.
Needless to say, I was told the only reason he married me was for the fact I was pregnant and that happened when I was 7 months pregnant. We divorced when the child was 2.
When he went to remarry, I received this letter in the mail to consider our marriage annulled.
When I asked the question on how could our marriage be annulled in the eyes of the Catholic Church, would that not make our child illegitimate?
The response was "The child is still legitimate to the Catholic Church and I needed to seek help".
Parent's are never married according to the Catholic Diocese yet the child is legitimate. It doesn't make sense to me either.
There are many messed up minds out there and I didn't mean to offend anyone who is of the Catholic religion.
2007-09-22 23:48:26 · answer #5 · answered by Mignon F 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I agree with you, if your in love you dont need to be married to be commited to some one, a pice of paper and some one saying your married dosnt make you closer to some one, it's what you feel inside that matters the most. And I belive like you that god loves us all the same weather we have childreen married or not he loves them all the same and weather we are married or not I was married for 15 years and ended up divorced I took vows and my ex fell out of love, if we had not been married and lived together for 15 years the hurt would have been the same either way. If you want to get married your should if your happy the way you are then that is all that matters is how happy you are with the person you are with people are so judgmental live you life for your self and no one else in the end all that matters is you have no regrets in your life that you have done what you wanted to do in your life
2007-09-22 23:23:12 · answer #6 · answered by mary 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋
I hear and understand what you are saying.
But may I first point out that the notion that God doesn't judge is not based upon the Bible or sound doctrine. On the contrary it is quite clear that God does judge. He has warned us about judging each other since we are often in error or have incomplete information.
Marriage makes you no more committed than being in a garage makes you a car.
A lack of marriage does seem to indicate a lower level of commitment than a marriage, but the inverse is not necessarily true.
2007-09-22 23:30:03 · answer #7 · answered by ozzman 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋
People have always celebrated special moments in their lives by having a get-together of family and friends to share their happiness. When a man and woman stand in front of God and assembled family and friends and promise to be faithful, loyal, trustworthy through whatever lies ahead of them, it is indeed a sacred moment. God is the ultimate judge! A marriage is a sacrament in the eyes of God and should be taken very seriously by all involved.
2007-09-22 23:24:13 · answer #8 · answered by missingora 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
it is easy for you to say you are committed in a long term relationship when you are not
the high divorce rate today i part form selfish people who held out for so long ( they are living together or shacking up as on would say ), and later decided to get comitted, but to play married with out getting married is like saying you are religious, but then never going to church, it doesn't work, and you cannot bend the rules to suit your selfish lifestyle. marriage is about 2 families joining together, not about a couple on their own, it does makr the entry into adulthood formal with respect to discard the selfish self and contributing to another for a life long commitment, but many now a days do not like that message
there prefer independance inside of a marriage a redefining marriage as they see fit
hence why marriage is no longer seen as something once held up as a higher virtue
people are quick to point out the divorce rates and cheating as reason not get married, i'll say to people not to get married ( or keep a GF long term ) for the simple reason that people in general no longer value it.
and God does judge
he has given his rules
you can disobey them at your peril if you wish
he did give all of use the freedom of choice
to choose his way or not
and many are choosing their own way
his rules are not flexible
they were not meant to be modified to suit the selfish self
2007-09-23 00:05:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
you answered you own question Samantha , the book of life better known as the Bible , the funny thing is 99% of the answer giver's here dont go to church , they dont follow the book to the hilt and if they did they wouldnt be on line they would be out making their marriage's and families work better , and their here because their own marriage is confused in some way and are hoping to gain answer's here and to give their view of advice to those willing to be bible bashed.
Hypocritical I know , but thats how it works.Your child is loved by both mother and father so no it's not illigetimate , you dont have to be married to be a family and your right about people using money issues as being wrong , yes your spouse might die but will his money make you happy ? will it bring him back? NO.
I have read so many questions and answers stating that if your not married you cant be supported with medical , dental , life insurance , health insurance , car insurance , I mean come on people is that all marriage is to you? please , as if.
samantha dont worry about what they state where the bible and god are concerned because until they start living by the preaching's of the bible they are just wishful thinking their lives mean something because they have part beliefs.
2007-09-22 23:50:11 · answer #10 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 2⤊ 3⤋