Okay, so I fell in love with a man that was married twice before. He would always tell me he didn't think my family liked him because of his past (both ended marriages was the result of the woman cheating), that he didn't deserve me, that he isn't that great. I fell in love with HIM despite what he thought of himself. But our relationship didn't end up working. He started to get verbally abusive with me when I would do things that his ex use to do.. innocent things, like calling him on the phone just to say hi. He use to call me just to say hi, but in time, it stopped and then he got mad at me for doing that. I was in love with him.. I loved to hear his voice..wow...what a sin. Anyways, He also got mad over the fact that I got stressed and emotional with the thought of my neice dying. So, I probably should've listened when he said he didn't feel worthy, huh? Has anyone any experience in understanding divorced men in this way? He had a chance to be happy with me. but no... he got mean.
2007-09-22 15:31:06 · 11 answers · asked by Jess 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Is it wrong to get into a relationship with someone in hopes that your love for him will help him to think better of himself?? I guess I thought wrong... he didn't value me or my love.
2007-09-22 15:33:33 · update #1
And he definately didn't value how hard I worked for him to see that my family liked him and wanted to give him a chance just about as much as I did. In the end, he said that I needed more than he could give. Why did he give up on us and himself??
2007-09-22 15:36:11 · update #2
My answer will probably be as long as your question, but I'll try to shorten it a bit.
I fell in love with a man who said the exact same thing... " I don't deserve your love" I should have listened. He became verbally, emotionally and physically abusive to me.
It sounds so similar that its almost eerie, Trust him if he says he is not deserving.. he is giving you early warning signals that there is a dark and stormy future ahead.
He is emotionaly insecure, and in my case was out to prove that if he could not be happpy and secure and have healthy relationships with other people, neither was any body that he "loved". (we both know emotional blackmail is not love).
I hope for you sake that you did not have to endure his self pitying ways very long.
Be thankful that the relationship ended, and you survived, maybe with a few heart wounds, but nothing more severe.
If a man ever told me again that I/he was not worthy.... I would hit the door running.
2007-09-22 15:47:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would not put one more thought into trying to be with this guy. Sounds like a lot of heartache and trouble down the road. I mean, verbally abusive??? And you want more??? I'm sorry, but if a guy shows you who he is, you can't be surprised when that's who he turns out to be. The truth is YOU don't deserve him! You deserve better!
2007-09-22 15:48:11 · answer #2 · answered by betternher 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
women have this power trip
in that they think they are special enough that if they love someone they can change them
and they can't
men will change when they are ready
and he is not
he got divorced for a reason
and has not gotten over it
and as such he gave you fair warning he was not good enough
of course you were arrogant or ignorant to overlook such warnings to think it could work
you must understand the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and despite your good intention unless both parties are clear of any baggage from prevouis realtionships, you will fail, as so many do
2007-09-22 16:22:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like this man isn't emotionally ready for a relationship with ANYONE just yet. He needs to get past the issues surrounding his previous relationships, including the issue of low self-esteem.
In an emotionally healthy relationship between two people, each should feel enriched within himself/herself because of the love and respect that their partner gives........and each should return that love and respect to enrich their partner. This man isn't yet capable of loving and respecting someone in that way.......he needs to learn to love and respect himself first.
2007-09-22 15:50:33 · answer #4 · answered by cautious 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like he needs some counseling to get through the issues from his previous marriages. what you said about him not valuing your love, that might not be true. i'm not taking his side, just saying that he probably should have attended counseling before going out with you.
i used to be like him in a sense, not verbally abusive, but certain words and actions really affected me because they reminded me of certain people (friends, or so i thought) who treated me badly.
2007-09-22 15:44:15 · answer #5 · answered by musiclover 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont be hard on yourself.. he has issues that doesnt apply to you.... that he hasnt dealt with yet. move forward. not all divorced men are like that, just look for signs. you do deserve better.
2007-09-22 16:46:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a very selfish man that's what it comes down to nothing else.Now you know why his two ex's cheated on him he drove them to it. I don't think you were mean enough for him.
2007-09-22 15:46:09 · answer #7 · answered by Teenie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i was just about to read your question and i stopped right at the first three lines. i have a question of my own. did he tell you that he is divorced because they cheated? if he did please leave him alone. because nine times out of ten someone else will be undeserving of him.
2007-09-22 15:55:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds unhappy and he has to work through some issues.
2007-09-22 15:38:22 · answer #9 · answered by KD 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
kai oo. u have lost the plot oo
2007-09-22 15:56:54 · answer #10 · answered by Soji Guy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋