me a ring. he makes over $100, 000.
Should I move on????
He has a nice house and no bills. His house is 1/2 paid off & we have no kids.
should I leave?
2007-09-22 14:36:09 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
some of you here seem bitter....
Get a grip on the reality of life and money problems for the future.
2007-09-22 14:46:04 · update #1
no. he loves his money.
2007-09-22 14:46:41 · update #2
yes, that's what I'm asking.
He's a cheapskate.
Will this work out if we are opposite???
I care about him, but I don't know if I can deal with his "love of money."
2007-09-22 14:47:58 · update #3
MONEY is one of the top issues of conflict in marriage. Until you've been married you don't know the frustration of giving 100% to someone and not feeling that your mate's willing to do the same. Its not just a male-female thing. Its about values. If you come from a family of givers you're going to expect that in relationships.
Why would your man not be willing to give you an engagement ring -- even a small one? That's a question you'll be asking yourself for the rest of your life unless you resolve it or understand it now. Seek counseling. This isn't a small matter.
2007-09-22 14:58:03 · answer #1 · answered by zupermodel 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think you need to think about what is really important to you in your life. Personally, if someone did want to marry me but didn't want to pay the necessary costs I would really question if I could be with that individual ( just like you) have you told him that his frugal behavior could possibly push you away? Maybe if you let him know you are having second thoughts about sharing your life together he might think differently about how money plays a huge part in his life.
Another way to look at it is he is so cautious with money he wants to make sure the life you have together doesn't include debt or any of those other money related strains on marriage. But little does he know...the very act of being a penny pincher can be a huge turn off.
I definitely think if you decide to go through with it and you feel you could live with it..you should strongly consider having seperate bank accounts to prevent him controlling the money you make! Plus you'd have your own money and you can decide how to spend it.
2007-09-22 21:53:36 · answer #2 · answered by greyskymourning82 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I completely sympathize with you situation. I can understand being frugal. I am guilty of that myself. When he became so cheap that he is compromising his relationship with others that is going too far. He needs to find a happy medium!
I'm not saying you should definitely leave him, but this cheap behavior is indicative of his future behavior. You didn't mention if you plan to have children later, but I imagine he will be just as cheap with them. What if he were so cheap that he avoided buying necessary things for the children? If you marry, he may control all the finances and it would drive you nuts.
This story sounds exactly like my dad. He was very well off, but refused to buy a ring. My mom went out and bought one herself. She identifies this is hindsight as big red flag that the marriage was doomed. My dad was a millionaire, but he would freak out when my sister and I outgrew clothing or shoes. He ripped the frame out of the doorway over a $20 magazine subscription. I knew better than to ask for a doctor visit, let alone to play sports. I doubt your intended would be that extreme, but he will likely keep very tight reigns on the money. Don't you want a decent quality of life?
2007-09-22 22:08:06 · answer #3 · answered by love 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
THEY seem bitter? You're the one that's upset because your frugal partner is hesitant about buying you an expensive piece of jewelry. Why does the ring matter so much? Man, wish I had enough money to make the buying of an expensive, and unnecessary, item seem so trivial.
Sweety, if you can't handle not having a ring, maybe you should spare HIM the pain and let him find a woman that is more willing to accept him for him.
2007-09-22 21:51:15 · answer #4 · answered by littlevivi 5 · 2⤊ 3⤋
You would leave a guy with whom you want to spend the rest of your life because of the ring?
Ask him why. Doesn't he want to wear one himself? Is he allergic to a jewlery? It could be much more behind it. Maybe he is extremely cheap, so a house and nice salary don't make any difference. If he doesn't buy you a ring, he probably won't buy you many things. No b-day presents, no flowers, no Christmas gifts... What is wrong with him?
If he doesn't want you and him to wear the rings, maybe because he doesn't want people to know you are married. In any case, stop guessing and ask him honestly. We cannot read his mind, only he can tell you.
Did he propose to you without a ring? :)
2007-09-22 21:46:56 · answer #5 · answered by terliuke 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It's your job honey to make him understand how important certain things are to you. If he's afraid of commitment, then you have a problem. Five years, without a ring and a date is a long time. If he's actually that cheap, then you have to decide whether that's for you. His frugality shouldn't outweigh his concern for your feelings.
2007-09-22 21:48:51 · answer #6 · answered by oogabooga37 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
This is a question that you're going to have to ask yourself. Can you deal with this for your entire marriage? I don't know if you should break up with the guy, but he sounds entirely too cheap. But if you can deal with it, so be it. Tell him that he doesn't have to buy you the Rock of Gibraltar, but a ring is a sign of commitment. That he's willing to commit to you. And the ring tells other men that you're officially off the market. Talk to him.
2007-09-22 21:48:24 · answer #7 · answered by lawstudntbynite 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Where in the hell would you dare wear a ring worth that much? how old are you and how can you be so irresponsible as to even have the hide to expect him to pay that for something ? jesus get a grip , go get a job , save your cash , buy your own house , your own car , your own jewelry like Beyonce did and quit expecting a man to be your sugar daddy , gawd if you were my daughter I'd divorce your lazy butt.
2007-09-22 22:22:36 · answer #8 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If he will not buy you a ring, and he knows it means alot to you, run. His first love will always be money.
Don't trust that he will provide for you financially after the ceremony. He won't. It only gets worse.
2007-09-22 22:34:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
he should buy you a ring. compromise, and find a good deal on a ring or make the wedding cheaper. if you love him, then stay, but if not it may cause u some pain if he wants to be overly frugal.
2007-09-22 21:45:53 · answer #10 · answered by pplperson 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋