I am so sick of when i ask a question, i get horrible answers from people. All I asked was why people want to have so many children. I have an 18 month old and I dont understand how people deal with it...thats all! I love my son with all of my heart and he loves me, its just that at times, things get a little frustrating. Im here on this island by myself with a deployed husband and no family to help me out. I'm supposed to be thrilled and happy when I wake up with a migrane and I have to hear the moaning from him? I know its not his fault, its just the situation. I'm supposed to be happy when he throws tantrums???All i want to do is cry! What do other moms do? Thats what I'd like to know? I just want to have just one night for myself where I can have a couple drinks, chill and relax. Just ONE!!!!
2007-09-22 13:14:54 · 28 answers · asked by Indian beauty 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In my opinion, YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOTHER!!! Most mothers go through the same thing that you are going through. I know that I have. I have now have 2 children and at times, I wonder why I became a mother but you know, it is all worth it. You did need some type of help to let you have some alone time every once in awhile. Maybe since your husband is deployed, you and other wives/mothers could form a little support group to give each other some help with the kids and let each of you have a break. I think that would be good for you and others. I hope that everything works out for you and I hope that your husband returns home safe and sound and really soon. That will help you out also because you are stressed with worrying about him and others. Good luck and god bless!!
2007-09-22 13:26:53 · answer #1 · answered by M 2 · 6⤊ 0⤋
We wanted to have more because the joy outweighed the trials. I think if I was in your situation I might not feel the same. Having a toddler is pretty stressful and more so if your spouse is deployed and you have no family around. Of course you feel frustrated! I totally understand! This is about you working on building your own support system. If you are "alone" on and island, can I come over for a visit?? (lol) You just need to get out with your son and meet some people, make friends. Find other mothers who need a break and support each other. There is nothing like having a hand full of girlfriends who all have young children. You lean on each other for support and it's nice to have someone to call when you have a migraine. Its even nicer to trade off kids so everyone can get a night out. Just getting together to socialize with every ones kids runnin' amuck is a blast. Wanting to cry is normal. They don't call it the hardest job in the world for nothing. You need to set your life up so that you ARE thrilled to get up and be a mother every day. The power is in your hands to change this. You just have to focus on what you want and how to go about it. Take a night, after your son goes to bed. Get a pad of paper and start dreaming. Dream of how you want your life to be in the near future. Dream of what life will be like once your husband returns. Dream about the kind of wife and mother you want him to return to. Write down every detail, even if it seems small. Then start making a to do list. Then get to work. You can either spend time being upset about where you are in life right now, or you can take the steps to change it. The power is in your hands. Once you get started you'll be a much happier mommy , I promise. Hang in there and hugggggggggggggggggggggggg. :)
2007-09-22 13:36:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
India it sounds to me like your suffering either baby blue's or post natal depression , raising a child is not easy even with a husband who is home from 5 or 6 pm and on weekend's , you mentioned you have no family close by so therefore no support system , I thought Army / Navy wive's on bases were huddled round and treated each other like family ? well they do here in Australia.
It does become a strain when your sick and the child is screaming , teething , throwing tantrums from being overly tired and it's hard on you , but word of advice , next time you feel the urge to cry , let it out , it might actually calm your baby down if he feel's the tension leaving your body as you release your tear's , remember he was inside you for 9 month's he learnt how to sense your tension and thusfar react to it , so if you release it he'll feel it and may in turn calm down.
I have 5 children and I raised my older 4 alone while their dad worked from am to pm so I know how hard it is I didnt have family I could ring and beg to take them once every second weekend or anything I was alone , but I did it and it took me having my 5th baby with my 2nd husband to work out that my emotional outbursts effected my son , when he'd wake up teething or crying for something I'd get tense and that only made him worse , so I started training myself to breath and just try to remain calm it took me until he was 7 month's old but it worked.
None of my kids slept through the night till they turned 3 and when hit 3 I was so relieved , but with my older 4 by the time they were 3 I had a new baby to deal with , so I learnt what caused babies and fixed it lol.
Honey it's not easy be a parent of 1 let alone 5 and I raised 2 step children while raising my 5 so 7 kid's all up did get on my nerves quite a lot , I am calmer now because my kids are 17 , 16 , 15 , 13 , 12 , 9 and 6.Your life will become normal again you just need to be able to speak to someone is there a mother's group on your island? check the yellow pages or ask around make a flier and put it in your local shop stating you want to start a mother's group and see how many replies you get.Good luck hun and dont think you are failing or being a bad mum your just dealing with a lot right now thats all.
2007-09-22 14:20:57 · answer #3 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
girl, people who bash you are either in denial or forget what it's like to be a new mom!!! first of all, i feel like motherhood is so glorified in the media that when you have "down" moments, you feel so ashamed of yourself and think you're a bad mom! you're not, having emotions is what makes you human!!! being away from the family is very hard... i was 6 months pregnant and just moved overseas with my military hubby, and september 11 happened and he got deployed for a month... I didn't know ANYBODY... it was horrible... and I didn't even have the baby yet... you're feeling overwhelmed and maybe ashamed that you can't be a super mom that society seems to want you to be... I agree with the others, contact family support services, take advantage of parent's night out, and remember that we all have moments, it's just that not everyone is brave enough to come on here and bare their souls... good luck, sweety, it will get easier... I promise....oh, and I'd also talk to my OBGYN to make sure you dont' have post partum depression....
2007-09-22 14:23:25 · answer #4 · answered by This is what I think 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not a bad mom, being a mom is the most rewarding and also the most stressful position you can be in especially when you are alone without support of your husband and other loved ones right there for you. You need some alone time just for you and you should look to the other mothers around you to see how they are handling things - if you do not know anyone, It is time to put yourself out there and get to know them. There is nothing at all wrong with needing some help or asking for it. You also need to learn to relax at times when he is napping etc. Take a nice long hot bath and relax for a half hour. Make sure you have some you time when he is sleeping it will make life alot easier. best of luck to you and reach out we all need help at times.
2007-09-22 13:37:20 · answer #5 · answered by Cynthia F 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your not a bad mother not at all! you just want a day to yourself where you can relax and things like that. Which isn't wrong at all! You are just going through alot of pressure with being the only one right now to care for your child since you have no family to call on to watch your child for a couple of hours and since your husband is deployed. I know you might get a little frustrated and things like that but what you should do is just take it day by day....
2007-09-22 13:27:51 · answer #6 · answered by MC85 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
NO...you are NOT a bad mom....just normal! I have a 15 year old and a 2 year old. I go through days where I think that life sucks and all I do is wash clothes and cook for everyone.
My advise is to get a trusted friend to watch your infant for a few hours and go to a movie, take a shower, read a book or go to the beach w/ a glass of wine. Take a few moments to reflect on the happiness and appreciation you have. If you think that you are depressed and could hurt your baby, then, please get some help asap. There are people on base who can help you.
If you need an email friend, I am happy to help!
2007-09-23 09:31:05 · answer #7 · answered by Hey There! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HI well your not a bad mom every mom goes through that and if they say they dont they lie... everyone thinks different about the number of kids to have some its there faith, some was only child and want there kids to have someone to play with. i had 2 that is all i wanted. well you need to make some friends there and find someone to babysit and go out have your couple of drinks talk to other adults and relax. your not a bad mom for wanting to do that. and we all need that time away from the kids from time to time. that is way babysitters get paid so good now days.. good luck and really i know your in a different place but try to make some friends . it will help if you can. God Bless and hang in there.
2007-09-22 15:34:41 · answer #8 · answered by tweettreat 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some people can get pretty nasty here and I am one for telling what I feel. I am a very honest person and i hold nothing back. There is nothing wrong with how you feel, having a young baby to raise on your own when your husband isn't there is very hard. I remember times when I felt like pulling my hair out. If it wasn't for my in-laws living across the street I don't know what I would have done. Yes I said my in-laws that's how desperate I got. You forget about what all the Stafford Wives said to you you are doing nothing wrong.They make it look so easy on TV I think that is the wrong thing to do because when the baby comes and the crying starts you think what am I doing wrong. Trust me most of us have felt just like you so don't sweat it you will be fine and remember it is normal to feel like you are it will pass I promise.
2007-09-22 13:50:16 · answer #9 · answered by Teenie 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Oh, honey, of course you are not a bad mom! Who ever told you that? I am a mom myself and I know it does get frustrating sometimes. Or most of the times! Especially with an 18-month old. Kids are handful at that age, and there is nothing much to do about it other than being patient and waiting when they get older. Things become much easier after that. Hang in there! :)
2007-09-22 13:29:48 · answer #10 · answered by OC 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋