Am I the only one that thinks it's okay for my husband to be the "boss" of me?

Question

When I was growing up, I lived with grandparents, and my grandfather always made final decisions in the household. Their marriage was awesome. Now that i'm married, I think it's best if we make decisions together, but whatever my husband decides is the final answer. This is the way the Bible said it should be too, but even when I see marriages of church going people, they don't always live this. Am I the only one left? What are your views on this?

peachpie, he doesn't eat apple pie, but I do make sweet potato for him. Also, I guess I should mention that I have been married for 9 1/2 years. I'm 28, and just to clarify, I don't fold. I put in my opinion, but my husband definitely makes the final decisions.

And for even more clarification, my grandmother had her own mind.. we're not answering questions about my grandparents, and don't comment on them again. I asked about your thoughts, and if you do or don't believe this.

I guess this'll be my last detail.. lol. I DO have a job. I also go to school. I'm not restricted to my home, and I live a full and happy life. I was just curious as to what others thought, and how your marriage or relationship worked. I do so love reading all the answers left for me.

Answer 1

I understand where you are coming from! I am a Christian now but I was not raised in a Christian home. I was a little taken aback the first time I heard this. But I have read many Christian marriage books and they all say that. And it is in the Bible! I hope I do not sound archaic but, when women upsurp their God-given role of leadership, it tears away at their manhood. It is not to say men are better. It is just someone has to be the leader and God chose the husband. I am with you! And try not to worry about other's approval--there is only one true judge.

Answer 2

In every relationship there has to be someone who takes the helm and steers so to speak. Whether it is the man or woman someone has to take command for lack of a better word. I do not believe it is the man who is always best equipped to do so, but in many cases I am sure it is. The important thing is that respect and love is at the heart of every descion made for the household. As long as there is communication between you two then it doesn't really matter who is the final spokesperson. Nobody should live under a dictatorship and from what you have described that is not the case in your relationship. If you have a harmonious, loving system that works for your family then congratulations you have more than most. I wouldn't worry what other people think all that matters is that it works for you two and you both feel happy and fulfilled.

Answer 3

I believe that marriage is a full partnership....decisions are made together for the good of the couple/family unit. People use Bible translations as they see fit, but i believe that God gave us all a brain and free will...so I use them both. My experience has been that when one person makes the decisions exclusively, it is an upset of the balance. This is assuming you both care about the issue to be decided.

In this society/ marriages, if men have ALL the say or the FINAL say, there is a higher instance of abuse of that power. THAT would concern me. Remember you are setting patterns for YOUR life, not reliving your grandparents choices.

Live your best life...whatever that may mean to you.

Answer 4

Well I say that there are some marriages that work that way. I mean sort of at times my own parents marriage works that way. But like the first responder said there, that there should be more discussion between the two partners in the relationship about what to do in a given situation. I mean I could understand it being the final decision for the husband if its mainly his problem. But if its something that is effecting the both of you and not so much just him. Then I say I have a right to have my say and help in the "mutual" final decision making. Because there is no way one person can always come up with the right decision solely by themselves and say that its the final decision. Also as I look at it, I'm not anyone's child but God's and my parents. I don't need to be treated as a child by my husband. He married me and asked me to be his partner in this life and maybe the next. So for that promise to be true we have to be equal and upfront partners. Not one above the other. So back to you, if you feel you want your marriage to be that way. Go for it, but I just couldn't see it happening for myself that way. Good luck.

Answer 5

There is a HUGE difference from your grand parents marriage time to your's , expectations of the wife was different as was the expectations of the husband , that's why it worked.

For you to stamp your feet and say dont mention them again show's your maturity.

It is folding when you put your opinion across and your husband over ride's it wether you like it or not , truth might hurt but you opened yourself up when you press submit question , so you had to expect women were going to jump you for it .

As for the Bible it was written by man for man not by woman for woman , so if the bible said jump off a bridge would you? , it also states in the bible if you'd bother'd to read it completely that a man and woman should love each other equaly and respect and treat each other as they would themselves like to be treated , so once again my point proven of human being's turning the words to suit themselves for their own gain.Learn to read people.Other church goer's you see have read the bible properly not just verses they want to live by to keep a marriage that is based on ownership.

You are NOT the only left who lives like this watch Dr Phil , 60 minute's some time and see how many other's out there live this life style , if it works for you fine , but dont expect society to pat you on the back and say job well done because we just dont think like that.Sorry just the hard truth.

I think it's sadistic to live this life style , but then I am very strong minded and wont have any man tell me what's what when he can carry a child to term and give birth to it , breast feed it and stay awake with very little sleep for 3 years then he can maybe have the right to be my boss as you so cleverly worded it , if you want to be bossed round why dont you go get a job.Just my own personal opinion.

Answer 6

If this works for you, and you are quite happy with it, don't let anyone else's opinion influence the way you and your husband have chosen to manage your marriage.
In most successful marriages and relationships one person is the major decision maker, and if that person is able to take responsibility for making a less-than-wise decision (as we all do sometimes) even better. If you look around you and analyse other relationships you will see it is never, ever, ever a 50-50 split.
I am the major decision maker in my relationship. I am the 'strong', rational thinker, he is more emotive in his decisions. We have discussed the way we make decisions and he is more than happy for me to make the final decision so long as I listen to his opinion. Sometimes his suggestion is excellent, sometimes not. Same for me. But it works, and that's all that matters to us.
I have learned to live with the comments from family and colleagues referring to him as my wife. We are the ones who live together, we don't live with them.

Answer 7

If you are happy in your relationship, why worry about what others think? You must live by the values you believe and if it works and you are content, that is all that matters.

I must say one thing, though, if the final answer the man gives is absolutely wrong; it is better to open your mouth to point out why you feel the decision will be a disaster. Bosses can also make errors.

Answer 8

I agree with you that as a couple the subjects should be discussed between both of you. However, when it comes to a final decision, the man should be the voice because he will be voicing what you BOTH have agreed upon. ; )

This is WHY it is so IMPORTANT that we as women pick great partners. A great partner is one that can be trusted to be responcible.

Man and wife are one flesh. Man was awarded the role of head of household. As such he will provide and protect for his family. He will take out the food of his own mouth to feed them. He will give his life to spare theirs. The woman is his companion in all of this. She will watch his back so he can lead them to safer grounds. They will compliment eachother with their strengths and weaknesses. When there is unity there is strength. When there is division there is doom.

Answer 9

gurltaurus, u really don't need an answer on this, do u.
as long as u 'n ur husband r happy with the situation isn't that enuf. who cares what others think about how u 2 make decisions. ever heard the song "it works" by Alabama, the lyrics should b answer enuf 2 u.
Good luck and GOD bless.

Answer 10

Live your life through a book that was written by men thousands of years ago when a man had the right to kill his wife if she disobeyed him. I guess your grandparents did have a good marriage after all she had no mind of her own .It's women like you that keep us in the dark ages know one has the right to tell you what to do. Are you a Mormon ?