Is my dad right?

Question

I am 16, and have only one friend my age. Only of my best friends are from 26-45. It's hard for me to really get along with anyone my age, and the same goes for my friend who is also 16.
My dad says that all my older friends are perverted, whether male or female or how we became friends.
2 have been schoold teachers, and the others I've met through work or just around town, and they have all helped me to make wiser choices, but it's like my dad doesn't care about that.
He only like me being around my 16 year old friend.
Is it really wrong for me to have friends a whole lot older than I am? I don't try to just have older friends, I give everyone and anyone a chance, but I get so bored and annoyed with people my age.
I don't think there's anything wrong with that...but am I wrong? Is dad right?

By the way...I DO understand where my father is coming from, and that he wants to protect me because he loves me, and is a great man.

It's just...he has banned me from all my friends and even checks my phone records to make sure I don't talk to them.

I'm lonely and I try to find new friends but it doesn't work because at work the few people I like are too old for me by his standards and I am just trying to be a good daughter. I don't know what to do.

Answer 1

You sound like a very bright young person for your age. I especially like your maturity in being able to see your father's concern as well. Your willingness to give "everyone and anyone a chance" is admirable, especially if you remain alert to "bizarre" behaviors, and the cautions of your friends and parents about certain people.

I too connected better with those older than my age. And they were and are my "mentors" and I too am a better person for their wisdom.

You also have acknowledged the benefits of having trusted adults in your life ... "they have all helped me to make wiser choices."


Personally, I think you father is too restrictive without knowing the whole story.

I would suggest ways in which you can introduce your father to your friends. It doesn't have to be an extended thing ... but invite him to meet them. If you have a trusted adult that is a family member--discuss your dilema with him/her as a possible "go between" and advocate for you.

I do admire the way you look at things for your age.

Answer 2

Your Dad has a point, it is a bit wierd for a girl to hang about with people 45 years old, an teachers at that. These people are old enough to be your Dad if not older.

I can totally see his point, if you were hanging out with people say 18-24 maybe he wouldnt worry so much

But on the other hand some of these people are not going to lead you astray and maybe will help an guide you.

Think about it though these 40+ year olds you hang with were 24+ when you were born. They were over 30 when you you started school see the picture, i mean that is a pretty scarey thought

If you were a couple of years older and working with these people your Dad would probably not have an issue, im 30 and get on great with folk 19-20 in my work but if some of these guys are/were teachers id be concerned if i was your Dad

Answer 3

Tell your dad that mixing with only same age friends is an artificially constructed situation by making children go to school and ONLY mixing with people their own age. My son (8) is home educated and he has friends of all ages, from 5 yrs old to 84. He does not make any distinction between them, only that he talks about different things to them and relate to them in a different way. When we used to have small communities and villages, everyone mixes with everyone. It is just that the media tends to sensationalise a lot of the bad news and people pick up on that. I am careful with my son in the sense that if I do not know an adult friend of his too well, I will stay with him while he chats to his friend. Most of the time, his friends are mine too. You just have to ease your dad's worries and show that you are sensible enough to know right from wrong. Age is only a number anyway!

Answer 4

I can see where you dad is coming from and would suggest that you let your dad know what you are doing and where you are going when out with any of your friends, just as a matter of courtesy.

Now I have always got on with people older than me never did relate to those around my own age. My teenage son is just the same often his friends irritate him and he describes them as "silly". I get on well with his friends they describe me as "cool" because I talk to them normally and don't treat them as children. On the other extreme I get on really well with people 20 years older than me you can have some really interesting discussions.

Anyway make sure your dad realises you know he cares, you don't mention your mum if its just you and your dad hes guaranteed to be super careful about his "little girl". I am still my dads little girl and well over 40 !!

When you have a child of your own one day you will understand exactly what your dad was on about. Until then just realise its his way of showing he loves you.

Answer 5

No I don't think its wrong to have friends who are older than yourself.However I do think your dad is showing how much he loves you by being concerned and I do think he is right to a degree and I think you should at least give him the benefit of thedoubt.Its healthy to have friends of all ages, I think it makes us more experience about life and more diverse as people, but I do feel its unhealthy to only have friends much older than yourself whether you seem to only get along with them or not.A variety of aged friends I think is good, and I think that if you tried to mix with people your own age, you might find you have a lot in common with them.Does this make sense.?

Answer 6

Congrats Ben!! How some distance alongside is she? (: i become going to declare Father and Son, dammit. BQ: Breathe in the Air - pink Floyd BQ2: i'm gonna see if i'm able to end this portray for him with the aid of Sunday. My family contributors isn't that huge on Father's Day, however. Edit: Haha, this is interesting. you will make a great dad, i'm particular :D

Answer 7

My best friend is 9 years older than me. So, no. You are okay. I have been through the same thing you are going through and your dad is going through what my mother was going through when I was your age. Just know who your friends are and be careful. Your father just doesn't want your older friends to take advantage of you in any way. OK?

Answer 8

The problem is not you. It is that someone of that age (26+)being a close friend to a girl of your age is not "normal" for them. They are therefore a "risk" to you, hence your father's concern. Any normal person of that age would not normally be close friends with someone of your age because of the huge differences in abilities, thinking, interests, etc. So, in general, they must be abnormal, or they wouldn't be there doing that, which means they do not have your best interests in mind. It's just too risky for you.

It is normal for a girl, especially a mature young girl to be attracted to more mature people, but it is not normal for them to be attracted to you.

Play safe for a couple of years until you are 18. Then you can do what you want and take what risks you want. But right now, your dad has a right to be concerned about your safety. Even if he wrong in the instant case, it's still too risky: Like walking a high wire without a net.

Answer 9

I'm a dad. I can understand your father being reluctant for you to have older friends. You must consider his feelings, he his only trying to protect you. In time, you will meet and enjoy the company of friends about your own age. You sound like a very young person, who just needs more experience in life. Always remember this, your parents were young too, they are only passing on their qualified knowledge of life to you, so that you have a better understanding of the world.

Answer 10

He is not right. And yet you are not right either. Hanging around people your age gives you an opportunity. By hanging out with people much much older than you, you are really just saying you don't like the current timed people. But you might be mature. Or you might be reincardinated. Highly unlikely. Sorry for the bad answer. I just really wanted to reply to this one because my dad does that to me too...