Am I making a mistake? Is this all too soon?

Question

My title sounds dramatc...but...
I am 16, and in my state, 16 is the age of consent.
I am dating a man in his 30's.

We have been best friends for two years, and he was the only person who got me to stop doing drugs, smoking cigarettes, drinking, and generally ******* up.
Nobody can make me smile or feel like he can, and he has helped me get away from abuse and so many problems.

He loves me,I love him.
It may sound dumb at my age, but I know what I feel.

I just...I don't know. I know that at 18 I want to immediately be with him, but he has been married once [for ten years] and has a 7 year old boy. I think he wants to get married ASAP and I just don't. I'm too young for that, right? I want to have a child with him, but not when I'm fresh out of high school. It just scares me that I'll be moving too fast, but my way would be too slow for him.
Help!

BY THE WAY: We don't plan to get married NOW or have kids NOW...I think he just might want to get married when I'm 18, and have kids a few years after that.

Answer 1

You need to examine your relationship with your father. Getting that serious as young as you are, though legal in your state, is a big red flag to me. Can you seriously ask yourself if you are looking for some kind of father figure? When you talk about him, you say "he got me to stop doing drugs, smoking, drinking" These are things that a father might do. These are things your father SHOULD have done for you. You are asking good questions for good reasons. You need to take some time to really think about what you want in life. Do you want to be an instant mother to a 9 year old at 18? Do you want to be independent and educated and able to stand on your own feet if things don't work out? Do you have a back up plan at all? You are really young and you have no idea yet how you will mature and change in your twenties. You are scared because you know this is going too fast. Listen to your gut and you'll always be fine. Good luck :)

Answer 2

Look I am not going to judge you if you say you are in love I am nobody to tell you otherwise,however, I do believe you need to do yourself a favor and slow down. Go to college and keep dating him if you want and you can see if you guys are still compatible but live your life for you first before anything else. If you do get married and have kids with him right away you are always going to wonder wht could have been and what life could have been life but youll be stuck, live your life for a few years at LEAST just so you know and if this guy really does love you he will understand your need for that and he will support you if he doesnt then hes probably not worth you giving your youth away. And Im not going to chasti you becaus ei have no place but just think of why a 30 year old mean is with a 16 year old girl even if he helped you before he could be taking advantage now so please just take care of yourself and keep your guard up because he doesnt sound like he has your best interests at hear bringing up marriage and kids at such an early age.GOOD LUCK

Answer 3

Hey sweetie, you love is very real and don't let anyone tell you it's not. Just because you're 16 doesn't mean you don't know what love is.

BUT. At your age you are entitled to take it slow. If your boyfriend was the same age you would take it slowly, date for a few years, become engaged and get married in your twenties. It's not fair for your boyfriend to take that from you, and if he's pressuring you then he's not respecting what's right for you. There should be no rush for him, it's not like men have a ticking biological clock. My husband read this and thinks he wants to marry you quickly so you don't get older and change your mind! He also cynically said that this guy may have straightened you out to "groom" you for himself. I guess there could be a little truth in that.

One thing about young marriage. Even though your love is real, you will change A LOT as a person in your twenties. I married my husband at 22 and now we're in our 30s we are completely different people - just by luck we are still compatible. You need to experience life, go to school, do all those things and find out who you really are before committing the rest of your life.

It is wonderful this man has straightened out your life. He's obviously been good for you. but just let him know that if he really loves you, if he wants you to be the best wife you can be, he needs to give you a few years to "grow up". Being married won't make a difference to him. You will still be together. He can wait!

Answer 4

Back way off here. A guy that old has no business whatsoever being with a teenager unless something is wrong. You have allyour best years coming up to do alot of thinking and growing up to throw away on any guy, old or young. He wont stay around much longer as his friends will pressure him and so will his ex wife. This is an adult game in which you have no business playing because youre only going to lose in the end and then youve ruined your entire life. Be thankful to him and friends but nothing more or youll have way too many regrets way too early. Youre not mature enough yet to have a family so wait about another 9-10 yrs to start one. Think long and hard about this,please and good luck

Answer 5

O my god you sound like me at 15 years old.Yes you need to slow down enjoy your life make sure you go to your prom and graduation and any other school events you enjoy.If you don't you will regret it. I was 15 and with and 27 year old man with a 9 year old son. Beleive me I was not different in the end.I wasted all my teenage and highschool years playing house with a grown man that had no business being with me.Age did not matter to me then either and still does not as long as both are adults. I m now 30 when you are my age you will be able to look back and know what I am talking about. Slow down. Oh and I too knew this man I was with for 5 years before I was with him.

Answer 6

It is barely possible you two might have a great life together. But, the odds against it are high. Very high. This "prince" has been involved with a 14 year old CHILD- you. That almost certainly means he's both a pervert, and a criminal. Now, even if you overlook that- a really positive standard to decide if he's possibly OK, or human scum is: "Does this guy take care of his responsibilities concerning his son?" Does he see his son? Does he pay to support his child? Or, is he a dead beat father, who has a yen for young girls? When you answer that question- you'll know if there is ANY hope for a future with him. Personally, I doubt he's worth bothering with.

Answer 7

Huge mistake. He is twice your age and by the way if you are sleeping together, he is up for charges of rape and child abuse. So he was a nice friend who helped you clean up your life...that's all he should be. A normal 30 yr. old man doesn't hang with a 14 yr. old child. You are too young to know what life is about and your images of love are school girl attitudes. If you do this, you will find yourself back where you were. If you really want to do something with your life, go to college, find a career, and get your own life. This guy should be in prison.

Answer 8

You are too young, and you say so yourself. If he loves you the way it seems you hope he does, he will give you the room and freedom to grow up at a normal pace.

Not even going into the 30 year old dating someone who is still somewhat a child, I think that you realize that everything needs to move slowly, and at your pace.

If he's not willing to wait for you, send him away. I think you're strong enough now to have a full happy life on your own without ******* up anymore!

Answer 9

I was 14 dating a 21 year old , everyone threw up a big stink , my father tried to kill him , they couldnt understand how I could think I was in love with him , he treated me so kindly , effectionately , he was my rock when my dad was spending all his waking hours at the pub with his barmaid g/f's and drunk mate's , he didnt care where I was as long as I was home by 10pm , my man was in the army , and I like you was convinced I was "In Love" with him , when he'd go to work I'd linger all day waiting for him to come home , and then we'd sit round and do nothing while he worked on his car or drank beer watching football , I didnt care long as I was in his arms.

He went to jail , and i spent 15 years pining for him I married had kids with my 1st husband because my man told me not to wait for him , he abused me and said he'd used me that I wasnt everything to him I believed I was.It took meeting him after I married my 2nd husband to get the closure I needed from those feelings when I was 14.And I finally moved on .

My point is , this man doesnt love you , your a toy , a convenience for physical pleasure , he suffers a sickness that need's to be seen to , this isnt right.

You were using drugs , and basically ******* your life up so you replaced 1 addiction with another , thats all you did was a trasferrance , , obviously being so young and being on drug's you were incapable of having any real relationship with your own father so this man is giving the father/daughter relationship you never had with your own dad.

You need to go speak to someone and stay away from this man , he has a child , you dont want to play house raising some other woman's child , and trust me when his ex find's out how old you are and what you mean to him or allegedly mean to him it wont be your mom n dad you hafta worry about calling the police in on him , she'll do it and she'll call child safety and use it against him in a court of law to keep his child away from him , is that what you want on your conscience? knowing you were responsible for this child no longer having a relationship with his father? NO you dont.

So stay away from him , go home to your parents and continue your education , dont throw it all away on a dream just because you think you know this is love.Good luck.

Answer 10

There is a reason why he is targeting you, because you are young and naive. Why is he not with someone his own age? That's great he helped you out and all, but that doesn't mean you owe him anything. Not sure if he is a family friend, relative, or how exactly you know him, but there's something up that you're not telling. Hopefully he is not a pedophile, but I can't discount it since he started to "help" you when you were only 14 years old!