i had a baby six weeks ago and me and my partner have argued quite alot im worried if it keeps happening we will end up splitting up and i love him to bits but cant stand this any more. has this happened to anyone and if so how did you mend your relation ship? please no nasty comments as it will maske feel even worse. thanks to everyone that can help me.
2007-09-22 11:00:47 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
yes, after I had both my kids my feelings were all over the place. There was times I couldnt stand looking at him. I don't know why but he bugged me. I loved him still but we would agrue. Just try and keep away from hurtful comments. You are both tired and trying to adjust to this new role in life. Make sure you tell him you love him though.
2007-09-22 11:06:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes it's hard work sometimes making a relationship work. If you fall out it can be wretched. Try writing a letter to your partner if talking is difficult. Tell them how much you care for them and your joint new responsibility, the baby. It helps sometimes to do it this way - not always of course - but you can edit what you want to say, which you can't in an argument! It is not uncommon for the male partner to feel jealous or neglected when a child arrives - you have to give the baby a lot of attention and this makes you tired and gives you less time for him. He must adjust to this and share the load. I'm assuming that he is the father. Tell him how important his support is and how much you love what as a couple you have created together, and that you love him too just as much as before, but that you need his love too as does the baby. If you are on a tight budget this can make further tension, talk to other mums and parents as to how they cope. You will find that your problem is not uncommon and might get some extra support too. God bless.
2007-09-22 19:11:48 · answer #2 · answered by dcfingringhoe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Work" is the operative word in that sentence. Relationships are work - they don't just happen. The two of you need to sit down, with a mediator if necessary, and figure out what you agree on and what you disagree on.
I think it's key that you are 6 weeks post-partum. You are hormonal and exhausted and overwhelmed. He is tired and worried and feeling ignored. Those are 6 factors that, on a collision course could lead to disaster.
Think about the things you agree on:
1. You love one another.
2. You love your child.
3. You believe that a child should grow up in a loving home with 2 parents.
4. You know that even though your child is 6 weeks old, fighting in the house is not healthy for the baby.
5. You're both tired and long for the carefree days before the baby came (not to say you're not in love with that baby!).
6. You want it to work.
7. You'll make sacrifices to make it work.
8. You'll try to see each other's point of view.
9. You love each other.
10. You love each other.
When 3 out of the top 10 include "you love each other" - there's hope. Talk to him, not at him. Remember that men communicate differently than women. You want to hear about his "feelings" and he just wants it to be over. When he's talking, you be quiet and listen until he's done, without interruption. Ask the same from him. Talk about the real issues without getting personal and never bring up something from the past. Stay in the present. Low, loving tones. Breathe. Good luck.
2007-09-22 18:18:22 · answer #3 · answered by odechiro 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your hormones will be all over the place, your partner will be feeling a little left out (that's normal), you will be knackered - and yes - you will argue or disagree. You are both coming to terms with a life changing event (new baby) that is taking up all your time - you can't find time for each other at the moment, and you are probably both terrified of the responsibility you have to your baby. Give each other time, give each other 'air space' have some quality time together - and try to remember that a baby must fit in to your life - you don't stop being who you are because you are now parents - in an ideal world, you will still be together after your baby has grown and left home. Take care of each other, and remember that it took both of you to make your baby, and it needs both of you to care for it. Be happy - and good luck x
2007-09-22 18:10:47 · answer #4 · answered by anneclent@btinternet.com 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Firstly congrats on your new baby! And i'm sorry ur not happy, try not to worry this is all prefectly normal - i felt totally like this when i had my little boy. Its all about adjusting to your new life as a trio. This is the most special time ever, try to go with the flow spend plenty of time together as a family, both spend time alone with ur new born and time alone together. We also left our new baby with the in-laws for the first time when he was 6 weeks old-we went out had a meal and a drink and a really good talk, my mans main prob was he felt like he suddenly had a huge responsiblity and didnt want to let anyone down and i had all my hormones floating round. Sorry for rambling on, just want u to know this is all normal, chill and enjoy. Good look and smile xx
2007-09-22 18:10:22 · answer #5 · answered by emmy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having a baby puts immense strain on a relationship. Me and my hubby split up after our second baby. But we are back together again now. (Just to let you know it's not all doom) All I can say is just try and give yourselves some time together, I know it's hard to leave baby with anyone else. But men do get jealous of all the affection you give to baby and your too tired to give him any. Just try and let him know it won't last forever and you love this baby because its part of him too!
Ps, try and include him in baby stuff as much as possible!
Good luck and honestly if you get through the first six months it gets MUCH better!
2007-09-22 18:08:02 · answer #6 · answered by lillyfraggle 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
having a baby always puts strain on a relationship but give it time it is a big change in both of your lives if u both want this relationship to work it will find a way of doin so i know the baby is still only young and u will both be tired but try and find a little time for each other even if its just a hour go for a walk,talk, laugh, remind each other why u both love each
other
good luck :)
2007-09-26 15:08:11 · answer #7 · answered by curious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
having a new baby is bound to put a strain on any relationship for up untill now your partner has had you full and undivided attention and now suddenly the baby comes first it is bound to take some adjusting too when the baby is asleep try and spend some quality one on one time with him and remember that not only does it take trust honesty and give and take to make a relationship work but there is also a six week gorgeous bundle of joy that needs their mummy and daddy to be there and to care for him/her good luck hope things work out
2007-09-22 20:01:55 · answer #8 · answered by driver_man37 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well communication is a must. Not screaming and yelling but just spending time talking. should set up time that it can be just the two of you also. Also just do little things for each other to show that you care. I know you both are busy with the little one and your relationship is going to pushed aside for a little bit. You are going to have to make it a top priority also. Congratulations on your baby!
2007-09-22 18:09:43 · answer #9 · answered by danee1973 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Babies bring a whole new dimension to a relationship. Sometimes even tho a guy finds it hard to admit they are jealous that they are no longer the centre of your universe. Talk....communicate.....get a baby siter to enable you time alone together. It will pass......but keep those communication channels open
2007-09-24 17:55:18 · answer #10 · answered by eagledreams 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋