Lazy husband...?

Question

My husband does next to nothing all day. The 2 oldest children are in school and he has a 4 year old at home. My problem is not that he doesn't work it is that he does NOTHING all day long. I leave him little notes he says he lost them or throws them away and says that I did not leave him one. I love him but I need to motivate him to help more and maybe even appreciate me. He will tell me that just because I work (well over 40 hrs.) doesn't mean that I am exempt from housework. Please help me. This is not how I want my son to treat his wife or for my daughters to be treated in a relationship. Well any suggestions would be helpful....Thanks!

My husband always worked at least one job until about 3 years when our son got sick. We did not feel comfortable with putting him in daycare so we decided one of us would stay home with him. I could get overtime when needed so we decided that I would be the one to continue to work.

I have no problem with coming home and cooking or dishes, laundry any of it but I am not coming home from work to a he l l hole and be expected to everything. I have told him that if I come home to a clean house than it would be 50/50 for the rest of the night. I think that is fair.

Answer 1

Hello:

I am sorry to have to be honest where it may sound like I am a you-know-what about this,but this is what I would do if it were me! I would take the children and I would seek a divorce NOW! I am sorry if saying this upsets you,but do you really want your children to grow up thinking that it is okay to live in such filth and to have such disrespect and disregard towards women?

I am sorry,but I wouldn't put up with it I would leave and find another home for me and the kids,because what this guy is doing is crap,pure and simple! He says he lost the notes that you wrote for him of the things that you would like him to do,yeah right! It is because he doesn't want to have to grow up and act like a responsible adult by helping you out around the house and with the kids too! How much effort does it take to pick up the house,do dishes,laundry or sweep around the house?

I am sorry,but I would not tolerate this,and I would get out of this marriage now,because it is plain as day that he doesn't care about you or your children by the way he is acting. You can keep leaving him note after note about what you would like to him to do,but he will not do it because he is acting like a rebel in the sense that NOBODY TELLS HIM WHAT TO DO and it sounds like you can't tell him what to do either!

I don't know what the circumstances are as to why he doesn't work,but I can tell you one thing,I would tell him,"You need to get up off your lazy BEEEP and find a BEEEP BEEEP right now,or else the children and I ARE GONE AS OF RIGHT NOW!" Of course he will think you are joking or just overreacting about the messy house,but YOU HAVE TO STAND YOUR GROUND ON THIS ONE!! I would be VERY BLUNT with him and tell him that if he doesn't want to be a REAL MAN and a REAL FATHER to these kids,than you will find somebody who does!

I know this sounds really harsh honey,but if you don't stand your ground RIGHT NOW,this crap will just keep happening day after day after day,UNTIL YOU SHOW HIM THAT YOU ARE DEAD SERIOUS ABOUT THIS!! Good Luck and PLEASE think about the children and what kind of a negative influence that he is being on them!! ((Hugs and Good Luck))

Answer 2

Well, dear, how nice for Jack.

Just let the man know that if you can't rely on him to cover the house and the kids while you're working, then he needs to have a JOB.

Forget the notes. You obviously have a computer. E-mail him his chores.

The other thing is: If he's doing nothing, and you are shopping and cooking then there is no need for him to have access to the finances.

Have your pay direct deposited into an account in your name alone, do not carry cash, use your ATM card. Do not leave him with credit cards. Cancel them if you have to.

If finances are strained, discontinue cable and internet. I did. We are all still alive.

Let him know he gets X number of dollars on payday, and that any expenses he wants to incur ie: new game controller, new game, etc...he's going to have to save for.

Or...when you e-mail him his chores you can attach a monetary amount. Dinner and Dishes 5 bucks, laundry 3 bucks a load, washed, dried, folded, and Put Away. etcetera.

Also, if he has access to your vehicle, go get your keys. He doesn't need the car. You're working. You take it.

The day he tells me just because I am supporting his household does not exempt me from housework while he does Nothing....would be the day his um hum hit the pavement.

Either he can contribute, or he can't. Whatever.

P. S. Exhaustion kills the "I love him" thing, so don't worry, that part is going, going.....

Answer 3

Marriage is a partnership. Both help each other; both do what needs to be done without being begged or given an ultimatum; both should be responsible for the home. You have a child and that home should be kept clean for the child's sake. Your husband should be smart enough to know that you would have no problem coming home and helping out if he did anything at all to show you he appreciates what you do for the family. No man would put up with a wife who didn't cook and clean and take care of the kids and do the grocery shopping while he was at work. I stay home, the kids are gone, but still I expect to have to do everything in the house myself. I only ask for help with making our king bed and if I need something heavy lifted. Hell, I even clean the garage and mow the yard!! I appreciate that he works and works hard!! Tell him how it is, no more notes, make a list that needs to be done weekly by both of you; do your part but leave his part. You will have to be satisfied that it's not done to your satisfaction every time, nor will it be done in a timely manner, but has to be done weekly, at least.

Answer 4

you are NOT going to change this man. He has to figure it out on his own. You can go on strike. I would strongly suggest it as well. Keep a few dishes clean and hidden for yourself. Stop cooking, cleaning shopping or doing any of things you ask him to do. ANYTHING - especially if he is home all day. I've even heard of moms putting big signs on the front lawn just like unions announcing they are on strike.

it will be hard and house will turn into a pig sty, but he may see the light.
If not... hire a housekeeper and the heck with it. It might kill your budget but it's better than killing yourself.

Answer 5

Has he ever worked and held down a steady job? You are going to have to make a decision on whether this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life and the children's lives with? If yes you need get more involved with his job search, support him in going back to school and put your foot up his butt and give him a ultimatum. I hope he changes If not you will have to take drastic measures.

Answer 6

Go on a strike and don't do nothing other than your job that you get paid for. Let him worry about the laundry and everything else trust me it will be a ugly sight to come home and see the mess if you have to close your eyes he will either get tired of looking at it and help or he will pack his stuff and hit the road because he will than know you ain't his maid

Answer 7

He has not job? God Don't hint to him, Order him to get a job. Don't let him stay at home, then after he has a job, make him do half of the work, but also understand half of the work is the yard work, house repairs, and car repairs, not just inside work, Good Luck

Answer 8

Just clean up after yourself and your son. Not my business and I don't want an answer but, does he not work because of an injury or just because he hasn't found the right job? I ask only because maybe he is bored and depressed about it. Maybe he is feeling worthless and unhappy about his/your situation and is too hopeless to get the energy to do anything about it. Talk to him...if it is because he is just plain lazy., then pretend he doesn't exist and take care of you and your son.

Answer 9

Don't do the housework either. If you work 40 hours a week and he does not he has to do most of it if not all of it. Let the house get dirty, and if he doesn't do anything about it in two days, just leave.

Answer 10

funny read this also :Her husband had passed on and the new widow was so distraught that she sought out a spiritualist who told her that her husband was just fine. She added further that he was eagerly awaiting a reunion with her. "Is there anything he needs?" the distraught woman asked, between tears. The spiritualist went into a transient state, then replied, "He says he'd love a package of cigarettes." "I'll send a carton immediately." the woman said joyfully. "But did he say where I should send them?" "No." replied the Seer somberly. "But he didn't ask for matches." "If you're going to work here young man," said the boss, "one thing you must learn is that we are very keen on cleanliness in this firm. "Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?" "Oh, yes, sir." responded the young man. "And another thing we are very keen on is truthfulness. There is no mat." said the boss. Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself. "I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me." "Excuse me?" the accountant said. "I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back." "I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?" "I'll start you at eighty thousand." "Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?" "That," the owner said, "is your first worry." Little Johnny went to the store with his grandmother. On the way home, he looked through her bags to see what she had purchased. In one package, Little Johnny found some panty hose and he began to sound out the words "Queen Size." He then turned to his grandmother and exclaimed, "Look Grandma, you wear the same size as Mom's bed!" The husband was adjusting his tie in front of the mirror tonight before this awards dinner and he asked his wife, "Honey, how many great men do you think there are in the world today?" "One less than you think," his wife replied. According to "Newsweek" magazine, because Americans are getting so fat, they're coming out with larger toilets. There's a new one called The Big John. It's 5 inches larger and can handle up to 1200 pounds. Let me tell you something... If you're 1200 pounds, you don't need a larger toilet; you need a smaller refrigerator!