Im hurting. My ex-boyfriend broke up with me 6 months ago. it was really painful for me. He was always contacting me even after the break up and was telling me that maybe in the future we can get back together but he doesn't want to continue our long-distance relationship for now. It was difficult for me to know what he really wants because he was always very upset if I told him that I am going to stop all communication with him. I went to see him a month ago and it was very nice and he was with me as if we are still together but then he told me we need to move on at least for now. I was devastated. About a week ago, I told him final good bye but he contacted me again telling me it's too hard. He asked me if I didn't want to save anything and break everything by walking away and cutting all communication. Since then I have taken his words seriously and did not manage to cut all communication. But now when I ask him to talk, he gets all stressed and sounds bothered.
2007-09-22 08:54:21 · 20 answers · asked by Elisa N 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I asked him to talk yesterday as I needed to talk, some clarity, I have been struggling really hard but when he called me he said he is too tired from work and I only put more pressure on him and he doesn't want to spend his time on the phone and he finished the conversation so fast. Basically he brushed me off. I am so down about this. What can I do? I thought he didn't want to loose me but now he acts as if he doesn't care. He didnt even call me back since yesterday.
2007-09-22 08:55:45 · update #1
Sweetie, you need to stop chasing him. He's putting distance between the two of you, to help you both let go, otherwise he continues to feed your False Hope that you can rely on him and that you might get back together. Could be he was trying to let you down easy.
The grief you feel is normal. You have to grieve for what might have been, for what could have been, for what you hoped would have been.
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlbreaking/
2007-09-22 09:04:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you read the book, "He's just not that into you?" You need to buy a copy because that's exactly what is happening here. Just accept it and move on. I once thought that there would never be any other for me besides the one I just lost; that was 11 marriages ago. To tell you the truth, with all the pain I felt during the divorces, I lost very little that couldn't be replaced with something better. Good luck to you.
2007-09-24 07:51:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like he is/was stringing you along until he either got you out of his system or found someone/something else to take your place. I know of people who won't even consider a long-distance relationship. From his reaction when you visited him, he might think that way too.
From your words, I think you felt more for him than he did for you, so the relationship was not a balanced one.
For your peace of mind, I would cut off all communication. You seem to be the only one who knows what you want out of this situation. Relationships take TWO. Find your life again & later when 'your' time is right, select someone who is more accessable and secure enough to know that you are the one for him.
2007-09-22 09:13:04 · answer #3 · answered by CMA Mom 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am in the position of probably knowing what is going on in your boyfriend's head because I have done to someone what he is doing to you. You are his safety net, someone he can have on hold in case what he'w working on at the moment doesn't work out. He will string you along so you don't get involved with someone else and cut off that connection. If I were you, I would just cut him off - don't answer his calls, change your number if you have to. Just don't see him at all. The only way you will get closure is by finishing it. All the talking in the world won't do it for you. Only time and complete disassociation will.
2007-09-22 18:53:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been going through exactly what you are over the last 3 months. Believe me the ONLY was to get some normality back in your life is to distance yourself from him. It will hurt like hell but cant be worse than what you are going through now. I have not had any contact for 2 weeks. If he rings, I keep it short and sweet and force myself not to discuss anything personal with him. He is extremely selfish and the only way you will come to terms with things is to get angry and start seeing him for who he really is. No one would treat a girl like he is treating you if the were half decent. He things of himself only. The more contact you have, the more you will drag this nightmare out. Believe me, I feel soooo much better. I had to hit rock bottom first. I now see my ex bf for what he really is. It is all about him and having someone in the background to fall back on when he is lonely and on his terms. Get angry it really helps! Start thinking of how you can imporve yourself. Get fit. Sort out your wardrobe, get a new haistyle, reinvent yourself, it really works! Now my life is about me not about an ex who thinks he s more important than me...... Make up your mind now. No one is worth all this upset. Believe me I know how it feels and it felt worse when I was hanging on waiting for something which had long gone.
2007-09-22 09:27:30 · answer #5 · answered by Sarah 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First off.......he's moved on. He's got something else going on in his life. It's not about him and what he wants or doesn't want. It's about you, you need to do what makes you feel good. It also sounds like he's keeping you close to be the fall back girl in case this new thing doesn't work out. I'm not saying the new thing is another girl. It could be his freedom not to have to answer to anyone. Move on, go out on a few dates, take some time for your self. Don't let what he's doing rule how you live your life. Good Luck
2007-09-22 09:01:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say it, but he's done. He wants to stay in touch so he has a "fall back plan" but doesn't want to be there for you in the meantime. It's obvious from when you needed him and he was too tired to talk about your concerns. You need to cut the strings and move on. Don't let him continue to tie you down and play games with your emotions. Move on girl.
2007-09-22 09:17:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow...that's complicated. I hate to suggest this, but if sex was tied to any of these "visits" there is no way to get an accurate read on the bf. My two cents is that you are working WAY too hard to get him to want you, but guys either want you, or they don't. Don't beat yourself up. It's HIS loss -- move on.
Also, it might help you understand him if you read this book, "He's Just Not That Into You." A lot of my single friends like it:
2007-09-22 09:03:11 · answer #8 · answered by Sweetie P 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Time will tell. I've been through something like this and it's so hard because it's SO emotional .There is two sayings that seem to be very true,"Let it go , and if it comes back to you it was meant to be." But I like this one even more. Have him need you because he loves you, {can't be without you} not love you because he needs you! YUK, hope this makes sense and helps. So if he really; truly loves you he'll be back in my opinion.
2007-09-22 09:29:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
blimey love this sounds complicated. seems to me that he's either confused about his feelings for you or cant bear to cut all communication as he feels so close to you. i think it would be best not to call him, if he calls he calls if not then you'll know where you stand. i know its easy to say but if he doesnt want anything to do with you then u will have to get over it
2007-09-22 09:01:51 · answer #10 · answered by Crissie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋