my boyfirend is almost twise my age and is just geting divorced. he has 3 kids. he said i would be needing to change my life, due to his children he cannot change much about his.... i am still young and have not experienced any of my early years.. he is making it clear that he is making a commitment to me and would need me to make one FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.... our relationship is amazing and we love one another verymuch. i would love to spend my life with him but am wondering if loosing everything (job, friends....etc)is worth what i will gain.... all opinions welcome...
2007-09-22 07:01:39 · 19 answers · asked by beautiful stranger 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I wouldn't do it. The age isn't what I'd be more concerned with than helping to raise three children when they aren't your own and might not be that much younger than you. And losing your identity as you know it to take on a role you might not be ready for may prove to be overwhelming. I would just continue dating if possible for now and see what comes of it.
2007-09-22 07:13:20 · answer #1 · answered by indydst8 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It all depends on you and how you feel. I am not sure how old you are, but I know at 21 all I wanted was a family and to be happy I did not care about going out and having fun. I am now 24 and I am married going threw a divorce and I have a child. He is in the army so yes I had to move and leave everyone I knew. But it was worth it because I loved him so much and I wnated to be with him forever and have a family. Yeah we are not together right now and if he knew how to be faithful and not lie we would be. But the point is I don't regret anything I did because at that time I was happy and I got an amazing son and step-daughter out of it. You do what makes you happy not what makes others. I tell myself all the time I don't care if the whole world hates me as long as I am happy and my son is happy that is all that matters. Do what you think is best for you. You will find a new job and make new friends and still talk to old friends and yes someday you could find a new boyfriend if you don't move but you have to think....is he the one I want right now? and I think thas is a yes so fallow your heart. Good luck.
2007-09-22 07:12:42 · answer #2 · answered by jennie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow..2wice you age?! It's good that ur both so much in love but there is A LOT 2 consider--will his kids respect you? God forbid anything should happen 2 him--u'll have given up yer job and everything else--are you gonna b able to take care of the kids? When I say sometihng happens-I'm not saying that jus thinkin about his age--I mean life is unexpected. Giving up yer friends is probably a decision u'll regret the rest of your life! They're people who help u through messy times like these. If he truly loves you he should take in to account everything this committment is asking you to give up. I strongly recommend that if you truly love him and don't want to give him up, wait a few years(not too long taking in to account ur considering u want to devote the rest o yer life 2 him)--c if he still loves u as much..c if his attitude changes if you tell'em that you need time--may b he's asking u to make this committment because he's worried about his kids not having a mother--u shouldn't b pushing this on yourself..Wait! I'm sure his attitude will change out of anger thinking you're delaying it because u don't truly love him..but explain to him how difficult it is for you and not 2 be so selfish as to just thinking about his future and his family. Wait! N C! N personally, I don't think it's a good idea!
2007-09-22 07:26:56 · answer #3 · answered by I'mAnIdiot! 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Twice your age, okay, that in itself is not a problem inasmuch as the fact that he is JUST getting his divorce AND he has 3 kids.
Some things to think about are:
1. Do you want to be a mother figure?
2. Do you still feel the urge to go out and party and have fun, and do things with people your own age? If you don't now, believe me, I didn't, and now I have that urge all of the time.
3. Are you completely sure you aren't the "transition" girl between his wife and his next girlfriend?
4. Can you trust him? and is your connection as strong as you think? Or, is he using you for something and you don't see it yet?
5. If being with him he requiring that your family not speak with you, your friends not talk to you, and that you would be socially isolated, then that speaks volumes about what you are not seeing in this relationship when EVERYONE else sees, OR if he keeps you away from everyone. Be wise, think of your options and think 10-20 years down the road.
2007-09-22 07:10:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well since all Opinions are welcome here goes mine:
I do not think it would go well for many reasons here are some:
1. you are way younger and dealing with kids that are not yours might not sound like a big challenge but it is.
2. Secondly i can already see it started wrong let me ask are you the cause of his Divorce??? if yes no wonder he wants you to sacrifice something
3. Love should not have to be a sacrifice if he loves you he will let you work and have friends
4. think about it is it worth leaving everything you have for a man that is older than you and had kids.
5. last point i would suggest to try to make your life with someone who is at your same level meaning no kids young and trying to live life do you really want to stop living life to raise someone else kids if yes GOOD LUCK.
2007-09-22 07:14:47 · answer #5 · answered by JUANA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget this guy. He made his choices & is wanting you to share/take responsibility for them. You have the right to 'make your own choices' instead of assuming the ones he has already made. His children are a product of his choice, not yours.
He already made a commitment to another women & his kids long before he met you. He is looking for someone to 'carry' this load (one that is young enough to be his daughter).
Find someone your own age who you can love and start out fresh & at the beginning with. You don't have to lose your job, friends, or freedom if you choose the right partner.
Later on down the road, your new partner & you 'might' decide to have your own family, but then again, the two of you might decide not to have any or to delay having a family until later.
Don't give up your choices to someone who is twice your age and has already made his choice.
2007-09-22 07:21:53 · answer #6 · answered by CMA Mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nobody can make your decisions. Take a sheet of paper, draw a line down the middle, then list all the positive things for a relationship with your bf on one side, for your friends on the other. Do the same for all the negative things. Look at the 2 lists, think about them real heard, then throw them away and go with what your gut says. Good Luck.
2007-09-22 07:10:07 · answer #7 · answered by petra 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldnt have to change for anyone; there's a thing called compromise, but trying to MAKE you change is very selfish of him. He obviously has alot a BAGGAGE in his life (the divorce, the kids, etc.) that you would have to deal with. You're young, are you really ready to make that type of committment? This is something you should really think about before you make that choice, as it will effect you for the rest of your life. Consider what you're willing to sacrifice and what you're not. and if the "nots" outweigh what you're willing, then I'd say dont do it. It could cause alot of heartache for both of you in the end. Best of luck sweetie!
2007-09-22 07:39:01 · answer #8 · answered by Tam 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even though a marriage is a world between two people, you still need to have your own identity seperate from his as hes keeping his. You have your own dreams and goals so just because something like getting married shouldnt destroy those things. True both of you will have to make sacrifices for the good of the marriage but that doesnt mean you have to give up everything and assume his identity. Your not wanting to give up everything signals tha you really dont want to change totally for him but really do want to keep part of your world so do it and figure out how to incorporate both worlds to work together
2007-09-22 07:24:59 · answer #9 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My late wife was 20 years younger than I. I had to make changes to accommodate raising her child and she had to make accommodations to deal with my age issues. It is one heck of a big compromise, and it takes alot of will power and maturity on both of your parts. I believe you that you love each other, but if you are not sure if you are ready for that stuff, don't rush anything. Remember that his kids might have baggage themselves over the divorce and may or may not be happy with you in the picture. But I can tell you from experience that the May December relationship can be really amazing if you can get over the hurdles.
2007-09-22 07:09:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋