Do you feel that 3:00 a.m. is an acceptable time for a spouse to come home from the bar?

Question

My husband left work yesterday and went out with "coworkers". The last time I heard from him was 3:30 p.m. So basically he was not heard from for 12 hours. So what do you make of that? It sounds fishy to me.

Answer 1

Ya my hubby went out w/ his "CO-WORKERS" and go figure I never knew he worked w/ the bi*ch down the street...ya not good hun!!

Answer 2

I am not writing this to start trouble, but I have been a victim of the out with co-workers statement, only to find out it was a bunch of very young, barely legal young females. You didn't say what kind of work the hubby does and if you knew these co-workers, or if this was a one time event. For me any unexplained missing time is too much. No husband should be missing in action without a phone call or some other way of letting you know where he is and what he is doing. He was very irresponsible. Me I wont just settle for the sorry I didn't call routine anymore. Would he like it if you disappeared until 3-4 am...Check any receipts he may have checking acct balances, cell phone bills from that night. You just might find the truth.....

Answer 3

An Acceptable Time

Answer 4

I would be more concerned about not hearing from him for 12 hours and the lack of consideracy in that than getting home at 3:00am. If he had kept in contact and you knew what he was up to, where he was and that he was planning on being home that late/early, you may not be questioning this at all. I have no problem with my husband going out with the boys, as long as that communication stays open and I know when to be expecting him. Not that I have to know his every move, but when you go that long without hearing from him, ya tend to get a little worried. I would concentrate more on his lack of communication than the time he got home. I'm afraid if you concentrate on the time he got home, he may not call next time either. Good luck! ♥

Answer 5

A married man, woman or significant other has no business being in that kind of a social setting. So 3:30 a.m. is not the issue here. The issue is him going to a bar in the first place. Are you sure he's at a bar?? Hmmmm, is definitely sounds fishy to me. If he'd rather spend time with others, let him, permanently. There are soooo many nice menout there looking for good women. Kick him to the curb, honey. You can do better!

Answer 6

Speaking as a middle-aged guy here ...

It is normal and reasonable to be suspicious, BUT ...

Is this a regular thing? Or is this the first time?

Sometimes a guy DOES need to "hang out with the boys" (or coworkers) and it doesn't necessarily mean he's cheating.

Are there problems at work that he needs to "vent" to coworkers who are familiar with the problems? (Been there; done that.)

Are there problems at home where he just needs to "let off steam" with someone other than his spouse? (Been there; done that.)

Are there problems in your relationship where he feels he would rather go out drinking with coworkers than come home to you? (I don't drink, but have hung out at bars with friends just to avoid the marriage problem.)

Is his "honey-dew" (to-do) list overwhelming? In other words, does he come home to a list of problems that need HIS attention rather than a loving wife in a sexy negligee? (Been there; done that. Mine used to wait at the door with a list of things that needed fixing. Most of them were things she could have done herself, and took me only a few minutes to do. But I would have liked to have taken off my coat and set down my briefcase before being handed a list of problems to deal with. And I would like to have heard her say, "Hi, honey. How was your day?" instead of, "These things need fixing!")

I'm not saying every day has to have you waiting at the door in sexy negligee, but who wants to come HOME to problems after fighting problems ALL DAY?

I know a couple where the WIFE used to do this very same thing as your husband did. I know that it really was innocent. When her husband said he wanted to go along next time, she tried lots of ways to keep him from going along. He became suspicious. In the end, it turned out that he EMBARASSED her so much in front of her coworkers that she didn't want him along. She loved him dearly and never cheated on him. She always came home to him. But she had friends at work -- both male and female -- and she wanted them to be separate from her embarassing husband. (By the way, the husband was MY coworker and friend, and even though I liked him, I knew he could be a jerk at times and could understand how it would embarass her.)

BUT ... (don't you love all the "buts" here?)

Nearly twelve hours without a call -- IF you didn't know he planned to do that -- is inconsiderate, to say the least. And it certainly gives you cause for concern.

Did the bar close at 1:00 AM and is it only a 15 minute drive home? If so, then there's two extra hours unaccounted for. I'd be more concerned about THAT than the time actually AT the bar.

Is it fishy? Probably, but not absolutely.

Maybe 3 out of 4 times it means something like an affair. But what if this is that one time it's NOT???

You and your hubby need to have a serious talk. Maybe some marriage counseling. But at least open and honest talk. Sooner rather than later!

But please don't assume the worst and be all accusatory. Keep the conversation open, calm and civil. He may be just going through job problems, feel relationship problems with you (and kids?), a "mid-life crisis", etc. He might be HEADED TOWARD cheating, but isn't there yet. How you handle this can AVOID that and get your relationship back on proper track.

Believe me when I say: As someone who has been through much of this, he WILL appreciate it if you help get him back on track in your relationship. He WILL appreciate it if you help with any work problems, even if all you can do is listen. It could very well turn your marriage into an even stronger, lifetime bond! But handle it well ... carefully.

Good luck to you.

Answer 7

Take it from someone, whom has waited many a night, for him to come home, "after the bars closed". The disrespect, the seed of distrust, the loneliness, more importantly the worry! It was almost unbearable!!!!!! If its the first time, maybe it could slide....caught up in the fun with the guys.....but if it continues.......mine, the divorce is final this coming Friday....ouch!

Answer 8

I I don't think going to a bar at all when you have a spouse is acceptable, let alone come home at 3:00 am. I wouldn't do it, and I expect the same in return.

Answer 9

It really depends, if they do it all the time or not. If he's doing this more than a couple of times, it would be a lot worse. Don't make a big thing of it right now, just tell him that it bothered you, and leave it at that. You don't want him to get defensive. Sometimes people stay out late with friends or co-workers...it happens. However, like I said...if it happens more than a couple of times, you might have a problem.

Answer 10

Whats the big deal. Things happen. so stay cool and see if it happens again. he could have honestly just lost track of time. Trust me if he is up to something you will know. Now if it happens again don't get mad get even... Tell him that you are going out with the girls and turn off the cell phone and come in t
the wee hours of the morning and see how he likes it
Good luck

Answer 11

What do you think he would say/do if you left the house at 3:30pm & didn't get home until 3am? I guess you could try it & find out & then see if there is a double standard going on here, but you could use your imagination a little & maybe figure out the answer.