How to win my wife over again?

Question

My wife and I have seperated. She said she neede time to think because she said she didn't love me like a wife should love a husband and all she is doing is looking at the negatives. she thought if we seperated she might see the positives and than if it's even worth staying together. It's been 3 weeks since i moved out and i have her and my kids on my mind 24/7, can't sleep. We argue alot and this is why it's come to this, but i've realized what means the most and if I can get her to give me another chance than i'll do thingd differently. We did marriage counceling 2 times and than the councelor wants to see my wife by herself (go figure). she won't talk to me other than if it's about the kids. she says she needs boundaries and wants to find peace or get healthy. what do I do???????

Answer 1

The only possible way to win her back is to respect her wishes and let her work out whatever her problems are. I really think it might be a good idea for you to go to a separate counselor for your problems, particularly with how to cope with your current situation. Perhaps you could learn to allow your wife to make a decision about your marriage based on what is best for her. You would want to work on giving up control and attaining acceptance and patience. To respect her is the ONLY way possible to get her back, unless she falls on her butt and decides to not continue to get "healthy". She thinks it is unhealthy to be with you, if she goes back now she will see it as a relapse of her "illness". You really have no alternative but to allow her to make her decision. If you need help with that, please seek it! Best Wishes to you... ♥

Answer 2

First, I agree with previous posters that the most important thing is that you stay clean. Don't let your pain make you go back to the drinking and the drugs. You need a clear head to deal with this, and in fact it's your only hope of ever getting over this, whether you reunite with your wife or not. Second, the truth is that people make mistakes, especially when they are in pain, and you need to forgive yourself for what you did, as terrible as it was. You are human, and worse mistakes have been made. Please don't listen to the abusive comments some people have written. Not only are they damaging, which you don't need when you're in such a fragile place, but they are made by people who can't possibly understand your heart. My advice is to work on yourself, stay sober, and don't give up hope. Some women can forgive, and some never can, but you have to realize that it's out of your control. Control what you can, do your very best, learn from your mistakes, and she may again see the person that I believe you truly are, not just the one who made a big error in judgment from a place of pain. If not, believe me, eventually there will be someone else who will love and appreciate you, if you keep working on being the 'you' that you know you are. Best of luck, stay strong.

Answer 3

hmm is this what you want for the rest of your life? If she said she didn't love you, what else do you need dude? The signs are there, yes kids are involved but staying together for the kids does what? Only they will find out eventually that their parents hated each other more or less in the end... This is a hint from her, why try and change her mind when it's already made up if you haven't noticed? I may not know the whole story here but read between the lines that way you will know how to move fwd with or with out her before it's too late.

Life's way short man, be happy.

Answer 4

You know sweetie.. I applaud you for trying. That is all one can actually do. Most people just give up.

Lets see.......... I believe that the therapist wants to speak to your wife by herself because she is the one that is having the problems with the relationship, so having individual counseling will help both the therapist and your wife work out things that pertain to her and the relationship, not you, her and the relationship...understand?...

Second..... perhaps she really does need alittle time to work things out... and as much as you care and really want to be with her.. No finger pointing and blame her way... she already feels bad for not caring for you as a wife should, don't make her feel worse by saying its your fault were not together.. She knows that honey!

And lastly.... if in fact she is and does want to completely move on. Let her go.... I know that is so much easier said than done however, you don't want to become obsessive or over bearing. You also don't want to spend the rest of your life wondering of the what ifs and maybes.. you still have a lot of love to give... correct? Give it to someone who can reciprocate your feelings of love.

Best of Wishes

Answer 5

I say give her the space. You may be missing just being at home. Your kids dont need to hear you guys arguing. Your wife is unhappy because of all the disagreements. You are arguing for some reason; unhappy perhaps? If you arent on the same page, change books. You definitely need to give her the space though. Maybe when you stop calling, she'll wonder why and call you back. Perhaps though, she might be liking the house now since it is quite and peaceful. If you love someone let them go, if it's meant to be they'll some running back.

Answer 6

I don't know how to say it any other way:
You are never going to get the chance to do it differently.
The marriage is over. She is just trying to let you down gently, hoping that with a little time you will start to drift away and find other things to focus your attention on. I think she is afraid of how you will respond if she just tells you straight out there is no chance for you any more.
Whatever happens, please remember the most vulnerable ones in the relationship are the children and they need to be the first consideration at all times.
Hope you find some peace.

Answer 7

You should first think of the issues that you argue about, then look them over and try to realize if it's stupid things or are they worth arguing about. I believe that the way to fix things with her is just to start over as if she was a whole new girl with no issues to argue about, just forget about the past and start over all new as if she was your "girlfriend" and not your wife. It sounds though as if she found someone else that might be talking her into going with him and forgetting about you. Ask her (carefully) if she was into someone else and a good way to get her attention is to ignore her and simply don't call her or mention anything as far as your relationship. She'll get your attention because she now is so used to you calling her and "bugging" her, that she's knows she has you by the hair. Do the opposite, totally ignore her and you'll see eventually she'll go to you. If she calls you someday and asks what you are doing, tell her that you are getting ready to hang out with friends even if it's not true and she'll hate that even if she doesn't show it. Also, any calls that you get that same night from her on your cell, just ignore and she'll go ballistic. Trust me, you'll have her kissing your *** forever. But, be nice and forget the past. GOod luck dude.

Answer 8

Obviously there is more going on here than you have told us, possibly you don't know. Your wife is having problems, maybe depression. If the counselor wants to see her alone, it either means she has an individual problem to deal with or maybe the counselor thinks your wife can't speak freely about her feelings in front of you. You could always go to another counselor on your own to try to work out your feelings about your marriage. If your wife thinks she needs to be away from you to get healthy, it doesn't look good. Sorry.

Answer 9

She isn't in to you anymore. This is making you clingy and obsessed with her, which is another turn off for women. What you need to do (trust me) Is go on with your own life. Show her that you can be okay with out her. Be there for her if she calls but don't be over dramatic. Smile a lot and be in a good mood. I know you are upset but don't let her see it. Don't make the kids feel depressed. Just have fun and light hearted and she will see you in a different light. I hope things work out and you get your family back.

Answer 10

Friend

I have lived in the same situation except that my wife used to ask for the 'space' just within few weeks of marriage ( we were in a relationship for 4 years before we got married and started living together) i never felt she cared for me. Later from her talks ,just before being dumped, i realized she was not yet over her ex boyfriend. we also had marriage counseling in which our counselor hinted me that i was only her rebound (ie i was not exactly what she wanted). i had no option but to let her go.

in your case things seem to be bit complicated as you have kids. if your unfortunate wife doesn't care to stay with you, stopping her would not make any sense. just take care of the kids and yourself.

all the best.

Answer 11

Give her the space that she desires.

Take this time to get to know yourself again. Do not show her that you are needy. Pick one very good friend or family member that you can call every time you get the urge to call her. Make sure that you spend a lot of time with your children.

Leave her alone. The more that you bother her, the less likely she will return to you.

Sow her what a wonderful man you really are.