Is Courtship and Relationship necessary before Marriage?

Question

In many christian home today, courtship or relationship between the opposite sex is considered as a sin if not taboo. To them marriage is hanourable and so on.

But from experience (history & events) lack of courtship and relationship before marriage has resulted in early divoirce in many marriages especially those contracted at the alter. The couples involved complained that they did not understand each other very well before marriage and as a result the only solution to his/her problem is divoirce. What is your view.

Answer 1

Courtship and developing your relationship prior to marriage is essential to building a lasting, solid foundation that will carry you through eternity. People today are in such a hurry. They want to jump into bed before they even know each other's names. I read questions on here from teens and preteens agonizing over serious relationship problems that they shouldn't even be contemplating much less experiencing. It's ridiculous.

If you do not take the time to build a friendship, love cannot grow and florish. Love is friendship set on fire. It can't be rushed and it can't be forced. You can't love someone you don't know. You can admire them; you can like them, and you can even have a crush or lust after them. But until you now who they are as a person and what makes them who they are you cannot truly love them.

I think if people would step back and stop rushing the physical aspects of a relationship and start cultivating the aspects that build mutual respect, love, and friendship we would see a sharp decrease in the divorce rate worldwide. That "free love" attitude has done nothing but denegrate the family.

And that's my soap box speech for the day. :)

Answer 2

I don't respond very well to religion, so I won't comment on that, but I will say this...I think it's INCREDIBLY important to know who you are marrying. I personally believe living with someone first is best, BUT, I must admit, I think marriages failing is because of a lack of commitment, a lack of understanding that love changes and won't always be all gushy and sweet, but deepens and turns more in to a partnership over the many years and other reasons. Yes, I think it's better to try to the goods first, as they say...but that's just me. Sexually, (and I think it should be after a long courtship by the way, because sex confuses getting to know someone) it's important to know how both of you like things. There can be sexual issues that will never work out, and if you marry without knowing them...well, good luck.
I'm sure religious people disagree.

Answer 3

How do you know if you will get on with the person or not, anyway even if there was courtship and relationship you still might not get on, most people find once they live together there are things that they dont like about each other, i'd suggest living together would be a better test of your commitment to each other.

Answer 4

my experience of the christian life is that courtship and relationship (although not sex) is very much encouraged before marriage.

i don't believe in arranged marriages, but i think it's important to know the person as much as possible before such a big committment as marriage, because the less you know the more shocks you have in store! At least 2 years should pass before a couple marry, in my opinion.

I personally think people should live together before marriage but many christians cannot do this bu they can still spend time together and get to know each other in most ways except sexually, before committing to marriage.

Answer 5

Yes and also divorce occurs in marriages which did have courtship. I think it has been proven in some cultures that arranged marriages where the couple did not know each other beforehand have worked. I think in present day society, people want their independence, they live longer and do change their preferences along the way, and thus marriage is a hugely difficult endeavor .

Answer 6

Its better to hold off on sex before marriage because sex can complicate things instead of help the couble know each other. The woman is in danger of getting used because the man could do or say anything to get her in bed. Why buy the cow if your your getting the milk for free. On the other hand if you hold off on sex until you know each other the romance between the man and woman last longer and the day you give your selve to each other on that special day will make it even more special and exciting. I was 28 yr old when I got married and saved my self for the person I would spend the rest of my life with. I'v been married for 7 yrs. My sisters did the same and the oldes will be married 19 yrs. In my whole entire family on my dads side and mothers side only two divorced. My dad has 11 brother and sisters. My mothers side has 9 brothers and sisters. And all of the cousins together makes more than 100 family members total. We are catholics and believe in holding off until marriage. I have attended up to 50 yrs aniversaries. We all have the same beliefs. And I'm instilling beliefs in my family.

Answer 7

It depends on the people and your beliefs.

Arranged marriages, rarely end up in divorce.
The couples who meet, fall in love, get married, quite often do.

Is that about tolerance, compromise, settling for somebody even if you're not entirely happy.. your beliefs?

I personally, think you'd be crazy making that kind of commitment, in this day and age, without knowing a person.. I think that some religious beliefs are quite archaic and not realistic for modern society. There has to be some compromise. Well, it's not my cup of tea..

Answer 8

Having a courtship and relationship doesn't have to involve sex.

Every couple needs time to get to really know one another. There are many successful couples who courted for a while and remained virgins until they married. I think it's unwise to marry someone you don't know. A recipe for disaster if you asked me.

Answer 9

Courtship as you call it ,is very necessary,would anyone marry instantly, someone they did,nt know.?i don,t think so.It is not even sensible,a great degree of compatability is needed for a successful marriage.

Answer 10

From someone who has been through hell with an ex I sometimes wonder if my parents would have done a better job. They certainly knew me better than I knew myself because they have not liked any of the men I dated and eventually I understood why. In the bible couples weren't just thrown together, it was usually someone they knew and there was a year of betrothal to get to know each other. Actually the divorce rate through history was much lower but I am sure there were a lot of unhappy people too. I wouldn't want them to choose for me but I have learned to listen to their guidance.