Gentle and sweet the whisper seeps in the forest so deep beyond where
the king of three winters grow in the forest so dark there lies a spark.
Can you hear the silenced lark?
Soft and tender is my step to the old woman who has wept for the things
she has not kept. The forest is unforgiving for those among the living
but there she sits at the singing spring defiant to her fears and still
can she hear?
Curious eyes watch in sorrow for none know what brings on the morrow.
I kneal in the fern in the moon's glow and feel the tear trickle below.
She cradles the warrior like a child deep within this forest so wild.
Limb to limb, root to root I dance but not once did our eyes meet to
chance. In the moss they search for what is lost, their way distorted
and amiss to find a place like this.
Rustle the leaves for my whispers are free. Her sobs tell of the soul
the gods have robbed, brave he must have been this warrior she cradles.
Silent feet lead me close within the shadows of her soul.
"You hear me dont you healer? What will cure his wound grows deep in
the thistle dew, take my hand for I am no different than you and I will
show you where they grow. Fear not for your warrior so bold and brave
for this place will not be his grave if you truly believe."
2007-09-22 04:41:59 · 5 answers · asked by Doom Solig 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
hmm...sounds kinda depressing in a searching for hope kinda way...i like it.
2007-09-22 04:51:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The line breaks are off and the language is archaic (which is fine if you're going for the effect) but it is not consistent.
I doubt you can really hear a silenced lark...
I'm not so sure if I know what a lark looks like as opposed to another songbird, so I'm concerned that you have sacrificed too much meaning in the poem for stupid rhymes.
And there is much in terms of run-ons. Many poets are famous for writing long sentences in their lines, but they almost always are punctuated and designed so that they are grammatically sound. This shows laziness.
2007-09-22 09:01:29 · answer #2 · answered by Nathan D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Syrupy and trite... Worn out subject matter, used by amateur poets over and over and over... add nauseam. Don't quit your day job.
2007-09-22 04:52:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like how it rymes a lot. I don't really read many like this. Good Job!
2007-09-22 04:48:11 · answer #4 · answered by Me Myself & I 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you email this to me so I can concentrate more just before my bed time and think of it.
2007-09-22 04:52:55 · answer #5 · answered by anjelniki 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋