I have trouble making friends and keeping up conversations, is there any1 who can give me advice?

Question

I have had trouble making friends all my life, i was bullied and picked on during most my school life and didnt really make my first friend till yr 7, im 17 jst about to turn 18 now and i feel so depressed, ive made a few friends at college but i dnt get on wth them that well and we just hang around together because nobody else wants us. i also had a boyfriend who left me and doesn't talk which has just stirred my emotions up even more.
so basically is there any1 who understands me or can relate or can give me advise on how to make friends?

Answer 1

Well,see if someone likes something that you like and talk about it.Or help them out in something.I have the same problem,so I just make friends with the ppl nobody likes,like me,so if there ain't anyone like that and if your life goes the same as mine I reccomend changing the place where you are...

Answer 2

First off, Im not sure if your a girl (since you had a boyfriend) or a guy (since your name is Tom1000) so that would help people analyze your situation.

With that said, I completely understand your situation. I am 19 and I just started college a few weeks ago. I also didnt make freinds until I was about 7 (when I started school) and I have kept very few of them through the years. I have been diagnoised with Social Anxeity Disorder, which is my main problem. I also took some **** growing up although I dont think it qualifies as bullying. My only friend in College thus far is my room mate but he isnt around so often.

My advise, find a club or organization within the school that sparks an intrest in you, its the best way to find like minded poeple. If possible, get a gob, you can meet a lot of people working and you will also make money. I recomend avoiding relationships for the time being just because if they dont work out it can be devistating to any progress you have made making friends. Ive joined a few clubs, still havent really met many people but I am in theopy (have been for years). See if your college has a theropist and then see if you can get an appointment. If he/she is good, they will listen and give advise. If you are attending a community college, then you might have less luck in which case I would go for the job. Good luck, it all gets better with time!!

Answer 3

Know who you are and build healthy human relationships built on mutual respect. Listen to people, smile and ask questions that demonstrate you really listened.

It's amazing how many people in High School have all kinds of acquaintences they call friends. I took a course at a junior college called "Human Relations" I was 43 when I took it. I wish I had taken a course like that when I was 17. The teacher recommended a book it was called "Peoplemaking" by Virginia Satir.
I'd also recommend "What Do you say after you say Hello?" by Eric Berne

Also where I work I deal with a woman who has always relied on her good looks. She's vain and mean and specializes in getting everyone to go to lunch with her. Everyone plays her little game and follows her. Most of the time I don't have the money to go to lunch. There's been a few times when I had the money but she wouldn't tell me where lunch was. In a way I am a victim of this female good looking bully.

As you can see below, someone told me I need to be on a talk-show "People Who Quote Books".

Answer 4

You may not entirely understand this answer but I think it will make you feel better. Sylvia Brown had told a women in the audience on the Montel show that the reason she feels alone and different from everyone else here is because this is her last life here on earth meaning she has an older soul then most others here so it's harder for her to relate. I feel that way sometimes although I do have a few friends. We have great relationships with those who watch over us so try to look more spiritually into yourself and also start thinking more positive about yourself and build your confidence up more. Your no longer in high school or college so don't stay in that mindset and be yourself, do not try to be anything your not. You'll attract more people to yourself that way.

Answer 5

When someone is special and better than his mates (you're the special) might make his "friends" become jealous and at times it is at this point where bullying and teasing come in. This happens because this is the last resort to put people down, by picking and bullying who is better than them. As you grow you will get to know and encounter more mature people and who are able to understand you. I don't know where you live and how big is the town you live in, but may be you should try and change location (I mean where you usually spend your time out) and go to another social club.
When I was in secondary school I was bullied myself and I know what it means to have the full attention to make a mistake and all my "so called friends" start picking on me.. That is a phase in life, you need to believe in yourself and say that you are the best; because if you believe in yourself you will have success. There are 9 billion people on this earth don't let a dozen make your life miserable. Good Luck!

Answer 6

Sorry to hear about your trouble.
I found the best way of making friends is try to have a more positive outlook in life. Your best bet is to join a club, u might find some on bulletin boards in the college. Once you go, be open and honest with people. Try talking about anything that's happening in the World. Music, politics etc. Ask people's impressions on what they think and listen. Try to see the funny side of things and share the joke with them. If you can do what I have suggested you will find people will warm to you and ask if you want to do other things. Remember, you need to have a positive outlook. Even if you feel down, to make friends they need to see a person they can have fun with. If you are finding depression a problem, the colleges usually do have counsellors that can help. You have to talk to them and open up to what is causing your depression though. Good luck.

Answer 7

Most often people with these problems are extremely shy. However shyness means THAT ONE IS ALL TOO AWAKE TO ONE'S OWN LOOKS, ETC., ETC.. If you sit and just think of your nose or something like that you make people think that you are a bore.
Interesting people to others are the ones who listen and takes an interest in others, not only themselves.
As to making friends now I should suggest that you find a group of people who share your interests. Then your may easily find someone to talk to and from there many a friendship has arisen out of the abyss - to put it that way.
Always remember that friends follow those who are not wrapped up in themselves.

Answer 8

Insecurity is most likely the cause of your problem. You need to work on developing a greater self-confidence. If you don't feel comfortable with yourself, then most likely, you're not going to feel comfortable making friends with others, for fear of rejection. You first need to be comfortable in your own skin, before you can start being comfortable around others.
I'd advise you to utilize the counseling services at your college to help provide you with any further assistance. Hope I've helped somewhat.

Answer 9

I'm pretty much the same, and 40 in a few days. I got by ok I have trouble showing enotions and recognising emotion too, although I know what i like but it's hard to explain. You'll be ok I hope..

Answer 10

I use to have that same problem as well; I could never fully understand the alien cultures of other people. That's when I got diagnosed with Aspberger Syndrome. At first it felt stigmatizing to have Aspbergers but because of the diagnosis, I was able to get social skill intervention and learn how to understand others social cue’s and people were more understanding of my social errors. People with Aspbergers tend to have above average intelligence but have difficulty understanding the basics of social behavior (Einstein was believed to have it) so for now try to get help for your depression and then consider weather you should be tested for Aspbergers. Otherwise its possible that its not Aspebergers and maybe that your from a culture that is different from your peers or raised differently then your peers that makes it difficult to make friends. Usually the best thing to do is at appropriate times inquire politely with people you don’t get along with on "why they don't want to be around you?" "What is it that I do that bothers you?" Sometimes the answers may be assertive or helpful other times it may be rude and insulting so be prepared. If there answers are not informative like eg. They respond with "because you act like an idiot" (Your no where near one, this is just situations I dealt with) then ask them "what is it that I do that makes you perceive me that way?" If they don’t want to answer your questions find someone else. Other strategies I used for coping was watching other kids hang around peers and taking notes of what got them accepted or rejected. Compare how you act to how others act (don't try to conform just learn basic things about being good with people) other strategies I also used was watching comedies that had laughter in the background eg. Friends or Seinfeld and take note of instances when people crack up in the background especially if the character does something that you tend to do as well. That’s when you know that a certain behavior is inappropriate and should be changed. Or other strategies would be to talk to yourself in the mirror and observe how you look when you do it. (Don’t think its crazy or anything; many politicians do that before they make public speeches. Martin Luther King did that a lot and that made him a good public speaker. Just only practice in a mirror in privacy not public.) I wish you luck in finding acceptance. But until then I suggest you get counseling for your depression first because when trying to figure out why people don't accept you, you may sometimes find reasons that may be unsettling about yourself. For example is may you may find out that its something you have little or no control of that causes lack of acceptance. So you need to be emotionally strong to be able to figure out how to get along with people. Oh yeah one last thing, when people are telling you how to be included be aware they may sometimes lie about what to do and take advantage of you so make sure others do what they say as well and never do something you don’t feel comfortable with and observe weather they behave different when your not around then when you are.