Make me smile tell me a joke?

Answer 1

This isn't really a joke, per say but its certainly amusing ;)

The following is an actual question given on a Washington State University Student chemistry mid-term.

The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.

Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

Answer 2

An old man and his wife were getting ready for bed when he heard some noise coming from his garage. He peaks out the window and sees some men taking his stuff. He calls police and the dispatcher asked if they men were in the house or putting his life in danger and the man answered no. The dispatcher said well we will send someone out as soon as possible that they were really tied up right now and since they were not in direct harms way the police would not respond right away.
So he waits five minutes and calls back, "that's ok, you do not have to send the police anymore. I have shot them all." "You what?," yelled the dispatcher... about 3 minutes later the police pull up and run right into the thieves...They put them into custody and asked the old man, "I thought you said you shot them?" The old man asked, "I thought you guys were busy?"
Moral of the story. Do not mess with old people.....

Answer 3

Last week a very important meeting took place among God, the Pope and Moses. They were troubled because the President of the United States was behaving in an inappropriate manner and there were many people who saw nothing wrong in what he had done. They decided that the only course of action left was to create an 11th Commandment to get their message across.

Now, the problem remained exactly how to word this new commandment so that it matched the other commandments in style and holy inspiration. After great meditation and discussion they concluded: "Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff."

edited:

here's another good one
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off the bus at the next stop.

When the bus starts on its way the driver says to the hippie, "I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you". The hippie says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery and prays to God. If you went dressed in a robe and glow in the dark paint mask she would think you are god and you could command her to have sex with you.

The hippie decides this is a great idea, so on Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun to show up. At midnight sure enough the nun showed up, while she was in the middle of praying the hippie jumped out from hiding and says. "I AM GOD" I have heard your prayers and I will answer them BUT ... first you must have sex with me.

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity because she is married to the church. The hippie agrees to this and has his way with the nun. After the hippie finishes he stands up and rips off the mask and shouts "Ha, Ha Ha I'm the hippie!!" Then the nun jumps up and shouts "Ha Ha Ha I'm the bus driver!!

Answer 4

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.

Answer 5

I knew this guy suitable and he have been feeling ill for particularly sometime now I have been telling him to pass see a doctor and because his undertaking improve into getting so undesirable he desperate to pass see a doctor so off we went. He went into the medical doctors room sat down and improve into informed that he had some form of uncommon intestinal virus. He improve into subscribed with suppositries and informed to take 2 an afternoon. The well being care professional stated he could supply him the 1st one. as quickly as we've been given lower back to his domicile I had some beers and left then it improve into time for his next one so he requested his spouse if she might desire to do it. So she positioned her hand on his shoulder and thrusted the supositry into his ***. He screamed and his spouse stated "What’s incorrect? Did I injury you?" He stated "No - I in basic terms realised the well being care professional had the two arms on my shoulders!!!"

Answer 6

I cant remember where i got this from:

A teenage boy sat next to an old man. The teenager had spikey, rainbow-colored hair. Curious, the old man stared at the teenager.

"What's the matter, old man?" asked the boy. "Haven't done anything crazy in your life?"

The old man answered, "I slept next to a peacock once, I'm just wondering if you're my son."

Answer 7

two hillbillies sitting in the restaurant and talking over what they done all day,sitting in a table behind them was a lady an she was choking,one guy turn around and said to her can't swallow can ye,she shook her head,can't breathe either can ye, she shook her head and turning blue, so he stand her up, pulls up her skirt and pull down her panties and licks her on the butt, she was so upset what he done and mad at him that she forgot what she was choking on and cough it up the other guys sitting with hime says Dang i heard of the maneuver but never seen it done....

Answer 8

Did you hear the one about the man who found a rabbit in his icebox? He opened his icebox and there was a rabbit sitting in the middle of it. "What are you doing in my icebox?" the befuddled man asked. The rabbit replied, "Isn't his a Westinghouse?" "Yes" said the man. "Well," said the rabbit matter-of-factly, "I'm westing."

Answer 9

One day a monkey asked his mom
mom why are we so ugly
the mother replied son thank god we look like this
you should see the poor b@5tard reading this message.lol

Answer 10

i got this from a comiden, DUDE I WAS WALKING IN THIS ZOO and i paid 5 $ like 1 $ for each animal, it was bad in there, they only had ducks, and a cat ? who does this ? who makes a zoo only of cats and ducks with no monkey, donkeys, elephants, ectra... LOLOL !!! .... it was more funnie when he said it bc hes fat and he was makeing faces but yeah hahaha :)) !

SMILE NOW !

YAYYY !


plz help me http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070921225206AAbSqln&r=w