How do deployments affect relationships?

Question

When people come home after several months away, is it hard to fall back into step with their spouse, or does it tend to work out?

Answer 1

Deployments affect relationships in many different ways. If your relationship is not good prior to deployment, most chances are you won't make it after.

Most relationships can make it with hard work, prior, during and after deployment. You need to be honest and upfront with each other, give each one space when returning from deployment. It's not only the Soldier that needs to readjust, but the spouse also. First the Soldier needs to realize that their spouse has dealt with everything at home for a year or more. The spouse usually feels they have done a pretty good job of it.

The spouse also needs to understand that the returning Soldier may feel the need to take over what they were doing prior to deployment. They need to feel needed again.

The Soldier will also be dealing with all kinds of emotions. They may not want to talk about what they did/saw over there. The best thing for the spouse to do is not to ask questions, let the Soldier talk if and when they are ready.

There are reintegration briefings that the the couple will go through prior to returning. If they listen to what they say in the briefings, they will be fine. They also have a mini getaway for couples to reacquaint themselves to each other.

Things will work out if the couple really wants it to.

Answer 2

It's always a bit of an adjustment to have a spouse come home after a time away. You've both experienced unique things while you were apart and you've both changed some. You have to "relearn" each other a bit. Hopefully you've been communicating well so that he knows you've learned how to deal with a car breaking down on your own and you know at least a bit about what he went through in battle.

They've been out of the loop, too, concentrating totally on the job they had to do, while you've been home taking care of responsibilities that both of you usually share. You both need to work out how the "home" responsibilities are going to be divided again and how fast or slow the transition is going to be. Like does he need a few days before he has to remember to take out the trash again. Or do you need an immediate break from the kids this time around.

From my point of view homecomings are easier when you have good communication with your spouse

Answer 3

Well being an Army wife I have gotten lucky because my husband has not deployed. But talking to some of the other wife it can be really hard on both of them. When some one comes home from a long deployment it is hard to go back to living a normal life. They have seen things that we have only read about ON seen on TV. Some spouses tend to smother there loved ones when they get home not giving them time to adjust to being home... I know alot of couples that have stayed together but sadly it doesn't always work out that way. I'm bothered by it because my husband ships out in Dec, and even though I will stand by him always I am afraid he will come home a different person.

My little brother is in Iraq right now and things did not work out for him and his wife. There where married for 6 yrs. i guess both partners have to be very strong. I just hope my marriage is strong enough to make it through this up coming deployment..

Answer 4

Be determined to not give up on the relationship!! Be patient, be understanding, let them know you support them, let them take on the roles they had before they left (doing bill, yard work, etc.) when they are ready, let them know if they need to seek professional help you won't judge them(I could only imagine what too many have had to go through), give them space but at the same time do stuff together (stuff you did before they left or go on a date). Communication is vital!! Don't take some things personally. like some have said in previous answers pay attention during the briefings and actually apply what you've learned!! While they are gone and while they are home try not to argue, you can disagree but try to keep the peace. If you both are having some trouble getting back into the swing of things get help, most military installations provide counseling!! Enjoy each other before and after the deployment. This isn't a slam on you or anyone but be faithful while your man is serving!! There are so many horrible stories out there! Most of all PRAY! Prayer can help you and him in so many ways! (Especially when you are worried)God bless!

Answer 5

It totally depends on the people. Most relationships that were "ended" because of deployment weren't strong before deployment. Some people cannot handle long distance, but others can. I've been on 4 tours and each time, I have a really easy time adjusting to being with my finace again. Being home is a worse adjustment for me than the relationship part.

Answer 6

deployments are hard, I won't sugar coat anything for any new military spouse...I've been a veteran and a spouse far too long to see so many marriages go down the drain for our military men and women trying to keep a job and family together.....

Yes, they are hard, but both of you can make it just that easier by staying in touch and work together to make a marriage or relationship work.... you both must want it, because one can't do it by themselves.... especially with Iraq dragging on, you must expect the worse out of them because they've seen the actual facts of war and how it can affect even the most brave of them all....

things will fall back into step....it might not be the way it used to be, but this is the life we chose and we will have to live with it or start calling the first marriage counselor/lawyer in the yellow pages...

We've got 2 yrs to go, and I pray we'll make it, because years ago I thought we'd never get this far.... so if I can do it...anyone else can..... good luck.....

Answer 7

Sure they affect them, but how depends on the couple. A deployment can either make a good marriage stronger or a bad marriage fall apart, but it rarely will ruin a good marriage.

There is a reunion cycle that every couple goes through when the active duty member comes home. The one left behind has to be willing to relinquish control over things and be willing to share responsibilities again. The one returning home has to remember that he/she is part of a family again, and not in the field. They have to make adjustments to changes that were made while they were gone. They have to be willing to step back up to the plate and be hubby and daddy (wife and mommy) again. They also have to deal sometimes with a newfound strength and confidence in their partner.

There are generally sessions offered through family readiness to help with reintegration and reunion. Take advantage of anything they have to offer!!

Answer 8

hey there!! My bf was gone in Iraq for a while and it made our relationship sooo much stronger. Although i got to talk to him ALOT more than usual. Sometimes it was hard watching tv thinking about him over there fighting and me having it soo easy back at home. When he got back in April it was wonderful. I wanted him to be able to adjust to everything at his own pace. He finally got back into the regular routine after about a month. He was injured while over there and also has PTSD so its kinda hard some days, but all in all it made our relationship sooo much better. Im glad he came back to me, and that we were able to make it through it. God Bless!

Answer 9

I think it tends to work out. Being apart is when it's tough to keep things together.

Answer 10

its probably one of the hardest things that could happen . You have to stay strong though, through thick and thin...dont get me wrong...it really sux being apart for a long time.