my girlfriend is going to go to a girlfriends house for a camp out tomorrow night. It started out that there would be no guys just a "girls night".
I do trust my girlfriend but her friends on the other hand are trashy. One has been with about 8 guys (shes 15), the other was on pills, and the others are just blah. But my girlfriend is NOTHING like them.
But then they started inviting guys over. It started out with ones boyfriend and then the two guys which are bringing them alcohol then one that another girl likes. But they claim none of the guys are staying the night.
Is it wrong for me to have a hard time seeing my girlfriend go to such a get together. I mean its just hard for me to see who shes with and what could be happening but she claims i just need to trust her alot more which i do. but the situation is hard.
My morals say that its wrong to go a "camp out" which exposes you to alcohol and guys there without your boyfriend of half a year. PLEASE HELP! thanks
2007-09-21 17:49:21 · 22 answers · asked by redskins4life20 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Yes, I would be nervous too. Its easier to say no to temptation when temptation is not there to begging with. ALcohol is a very bad thing. I mean is ok to drink if you are of legal age and are a responsible drinker. The thing is that alcohol lowers your inhibitions so you may act out on impulses because that little safeguard that tells you "hey, maybe I should not do that" goes to sleep while under the influence. Then there is rape but lets not even get into that.
You say you know your girlfriend but do you really. I'm not saying that she is bad or isn't because I don't know her. What I'm saying is that you have to be with a person for quite a while in order to get a basic idea of what they are really like. I'm even going to be bold and say that the minimum time is about two years or more. The reason being that in about two years you have been with the person long enought to go through hardship. It is during the hard times that the persons true personality comes out. Also, nobody can fake it that long. At some point they get comfortable with your and they let their guard down. If they where hiding their true nature it will come out right about that time.
That being said, she may be a really nice girl that under any circumstances will not betrayed you. However, I myself would not feel comfortable because no only is there alcohol there but also her friends my come in with peer preasure. Besides if every body is having a "friend" over, why is she going to do there by herself. IWs like going on a group date with two other couples but you are the only single person. So, why bother going you know what I mean. If I where you I would talk to her and inform her of how uncomfotable you feel because the thing sounds sketchy and that there are going to be other guys there. Then sit back and observe her reaction. Will she be considerate enough to you so that she takes your feelings into account. I mean is she really likes you that much wouldn't she rather spent the time with you than spent the time with some friends that won't have time for her because they will be with other boys. I mean if it was just the girls fine but with boys there too?! I think she will try to pull the "oh! you are the jelous type" or "you are trying to treat me like you are my dad bull crap".
On the other hand it might be a good idea for her to go. This can be a chance for her to show her true nature. If she cheats then that would suck but, at least you will know she is not the one for you.Also, is a good thing to define what cheating is. You wouldn't believe what people don't consider cheating.
2007-09-21 18:07:12 · answer #1 · answered by mr_gees100_peas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not wrong in wanting your girlfriend to skip this camp out. If these girls are inviting guys over you should be invited too.
She should understand that this situation could grow out of control very easily without any warning. She should be willing to either invite you along, at least, until the other guys leave.
Try asking her if you could join her and let her know that's it has nothing to do with trusting her, it's because you don't trust her friends or the guys that may attend. Tell her that you are concerned for her safety more so than what she may get involved in. I would be concerned about my fiance, under those circumstances. Even though I trust him I still, would insist that he not attend. He would truly be mad at me and raise all kinda hell if I were to attend something like this. He trusts me and knows without a doubt that I would never cheat on him or give another man the time of day. But this situation is just not right for man or woman if they are in a relationship.
Good Luck
2007-09-22 01:12:26 · answer #2 · answered by boj 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you cannot make her decisions for her, but you can always explain to her how you feel about everything. Sit down with her and have a long talk. If she cares about you as well, then she will at the very least listen to your concerns and take them to heart.
Second, you either should trust her or not. Has she done anything to make her untrustworthy? If she hasn't and this is the only place you have trouble with trusting her, then stop doubting her and go ahead and trust her. I don't think there is an inbetween here.
Now, while I agree that what she is doing is not the smartest or best thing in the world, that is not going to make her stop. She needs to examine her friendship with these people. If she is nothing like them, how the heck can she be comfortable with everything that they are doing? And, if she is underage for alcohol (which it sounds very much like she is) then she should not be there . . . guilt by association. It sucks, but there is no way around it.
In the end, if she still decides to go, then trust her. Let her know that you'll be thinking about her. Tell her to have a good time. Make sure she knows that you will come get her (unless you don't drive, in which case, figure it out) if she needs to get out of there. You can not approve but still be supportive. Just make sure she knows how you feel but you don't need to treat her like a small child or anything either.
Like I said, in the end, she makes her own decisions.
2007-09-22 01:04:14 · answer #3 · answered by Julie D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I mean, it could be no big deal, or it could be something to worry about...circumstances vary. From the way you described her, it sounds like you have nothing to worry about. BUT, if you want to guarantee that her mind (and heart) will be 110% focused on you and not any other guys (just to make sure), might I suggest something?
Force yourself to be the complete OPPOSITE of how you're feeling...don't let her know you're worried about things. Let her know you trust her 100%, THEN, do the absolute sweetest thing for her! The unexpected SWEET surprises (especially in front of our friends) is the ultimate bonus! Flowers, sweet goodies for her and her friends for the night, get creative & do something extra sweet for her, and she will think you are the sweetest and most amazing guy ever...and so will her friends. I swear, you will score some major bonus points with not only her but her friends will be jealous as hell and think it's sweet, and you will be the only guy on her mind the entire night!
Sometimes, it's just about showing a girl you not only support her nights out, but make it that much better for her! You're happy, and she's even happier instead of what would be a restless night for you and a little stressful on her.
2007-09-22 01:02:35 · answer #4 · answered by ac 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If other boyfriends were there, then why couldn't you be there too. That sounds fishy to me.
If she is under 21 she certainly should not be drinking or be around other under-aged people who are. She should have more sense than that.
You cant control what she is going to do. You can only TRUST YOURSELF to stay cool, even if she does something bad. You do not want to give your power over to her by letting this worry you.
Use your instincts to determine how you feel about whether or not you can believe her. Gut instincts are almost always right. Sounds like you may already have your answer. Trust yourself.
Peace
2007-09-22 01:05:19 · answer #5 · answered by kj 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd have to wonder, right off the bat, why you're not invited if the other guys are. That might tell you something right there.
Your girlfriend is asking for trouble, and you're right to be concerned. She might not be like the other girls you describe, but she's keeping dangerous company for a fifteen year old. My guess is, none of the parents involved know the whole situation -- and likely they wouldn't tolerate it if they did.
2007-09-22 00:59:26 · answer #6 · answered by Lisa C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's not as much of a matter of trust, but more a matter of safety. A bunch of girls+alcohol+guys+sleepover seem to equal up to nothing but a bad situation. Even though she's totally trustworthy, it doesn't sound like you can say the same about the guys, especially if alcohol is thrown into the mix. Sounds like a bad situation to me. Drunk guys and a bunch of girls...sounds really dangerous...
2007-09-22 00:58:54 · answer #7 · answered by jb 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If guys are going to be there yes it is wrong for her to go.. and 15 year old girls lol honestly all they think about is guys.. im not saying your girlfriend- but i dont know if the other girls will control themselves. If i were you- i would give her trus and let her go.. and then i would stalk the shyt out of her and if she lies to you.. i mean i dont condone stalking. but gotta do what you gotta do.
2007-09-22 00:55:32 · answer #8 · answered by Yari 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I regret to inform you that Birds of a feather flock together.
Morals extend much farther then short term relationships.
Choosing justice over friends is not condemnable by righteousness.
2007-09-22 00:53:44 · answer #9 · answered by Wolfie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you said she's nothing like her friends. it seems like those girls have some judgment issues, and your girl probably isnt like that.
but if you are worried, call her and see if you can stop by for a little while. without seeming too obvious. if she says no. then somethings probably up. but if she says sure it's not a problem, then you can trust her.
2007-09-22 00:59:45 · answer #10 · answered by BUBBL3Z <33 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋