I am in my second year of college, while my 16-yr old brother is still in high school. My parents like to go out with their friends pretty much every weekend for a really long time. I think it's neglect. I just feel bad for my brother who has to deal with them. He has a tennis match tomorrow, which my parents never go to. Yet, they're willing to get up early and drive 2 hours away to Cincinnati to drink with their friends and stay over night, while leaving my brother to fend for himself. Is this ok? I've told them that they are neglecting him and such, but I just got yelled out for questioning their parenting skills basically. What should be done. Not to mention, this isn't the first time. They tend to not care about anything we do, I'm just glad I'm in college away from them.
2007-09-21 17:20:41 · 11 answers · asked by triciawin87 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My dad's reasons were..."when I was twelve I was on my own." that kind of answer makes me sick to my stomach.
Also, they gave a away our dog for the second time last week. I told them numerous times never to get a dog if they were ever gonna give it away again. The last one they gave away was less then two years. I still can't forgive them. They did not have valid reasons either. My dad lied the first time by saying his friends would only borrow my dog, I never saw her again. Second time, they got a puppy for my brother. It ended up being "too difficult" for them to take care of. I already warned them. I also told them just to take care of the new puppy for a few more months because I can't take him to college with me right now because I live in a dorm.
2007-09-21 17:52:34 · update #1
Also, after they gave the dog away. I stopped calling them. That's all I did. Don't I have the right to be angry? They considered it as hatred and told all their friends that I was basically self-centered and told me to grow up. Then, they threatened me by saying I should be independent and pay for my own education because it was too much for them. (Totally false because my parents have good jobs and we're no where near debt. I seem to be at my wits end. Thank you for all the replies.
2007-09-21 18:01:15 · update #2
they just weren't patient enough in training the dog. we built this new house without carpet downstairs, so accidents in the house weren't a problem. my mom would just be annoyed at having to let the dog out when my brother was at school. he couldn't just go home and skip class, plus my mom only works part time. i even came home as often as a i could to help take care of him. and the puppy was even going outside when he was supposed to. but it's a puppy, they can't hold it in all day long.
2007-09-21 18:20:04 · update #3
No... I wouldn't call leaving a 16 yr old alone neglect. Most 16 yr old boys would love to have the house to himself from time to time (I know my 16 yr old would); but... I do think they should try to support him more with his tennis, but maybe you can go in their place. I'm sure he will appreciate you as an older sibling & never forget what you've done for him. That's if you live close by. You just have to remember that you have to make the best of the cards you are dealt in life. Just be there for him as much as you can & hope that one day your parents will wake up. It probably won't happen until he is grown & has moved on in life. They will live to regret it one day. Karma!!! You & your brother both will turn out to be fine individuals & you won't make the same mistake with your kids (I hope)! Good Luck to you both!!!
2007-09-21 17:32:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your parents have a right to go out and enjoy themselves if they choose. They also have a duty, as parents to pay attention to their children. I think it is very sad when a child is involved in an activity and neither parent shows interest. They should be going to his matches. If he is only 16 they should have some concerns about leaving him by himself. I have 2 daughters (17 & 15) if we are going somewhere overnight, we always make sure they are staying at a friends house for the evening. My god, at that age, a big concern should be wether or not he may have a party......I think your own concerns for the most part are justified. Maybe you can suggust to your brother to talk to them about not going to his matches instead of you tell them. It might make a difference. And you can suggest to your brother, spending the night at a friends house when they arent going to be home if it bothers him.
2007-09-22 00:40:54 · answer #2 · answered by abby 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are a lot of people out there that make babies without ever intending to be parents. I guess this pair expected to just be able to put bowls of kibble down for each of you and have the school system raise you. I'm surprised you turned out so well.
You are basically out of there. Just do what you have to do to get through college and get on with your career. When you are established in your own place, you can have any pet you please.
At 16, your brother is considered to be self-sufficient. She should be able to fix himself a little dinner and put himself to bed and all that. So leaving him for the weekend is not neglect on the parents' part. It would probably serve them right if they came home to find the place trashed because of a kegger!
Do what you can to support your brother... try to see his matches when you can, and try to take him away from the house when you can. I'm sure he might enjoy the change of scenery of hanging out on a college campus. Give him something to shoot for.
Your brother needs to find some good friends on his team that he can hang out with... spend the weekends with them, study at their house after school, just so he isn't stuck in that house by himself with no dog. He might also consider getting an after-school job to build his resume so he can get out of there quicker.
2007-09-22 01:25:40 · answer #3 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, it would be nice if they were a bit more supportive of your brother (going to his tennis matches and so forth), but let's face it, they're really not likely to change now. Your brother's almost grown now, and he's not too young to be staying home by himself. He's not in any actual danger, and in a couple of years he'll presumably be going away to college himself. I don't think any of us have perfect parents -- we all have baggage we have to deal with.
I also don't understand why they were taking care of the puppy they got for your brother (if I'm understanding your account properly). Surely he's old enough to take care of the dog himself?
2007-09-22 01:09:53 · answer #4 · answered by Diane H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel so sorry for you I think its bad parenting sorry to write but it is what it is and since your bro is going alone to his match i think that you should come with him if you can and is you cant ask one of his friends to go with him and tell your parents that what they are doing is not right when you have kids you have to take care of them and love them and give them as much love as needed and tell them this advice is from a 12 year old i mean i am no mom but i see the way that my mom treats me and the way that my dad and its with a caring way
2007-09-22 00:37:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i agree with you your parents need to pay a little attention to your brother he needs there guidance he's at that age that he can go to the streets for friendship or the wrong type of people talk again to your parents about it may be in a not too demanding way good luck and talk to your brother keep him as close to you as possible i know you have school but keep letting him know he is doing a good job
2007-09-22 00:53:01 · answer #6 · answered by islandgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think your parents will ever change their ways. The best thing you can do for you and your brother is to be there for each other and as soon as you're of legal age, move out and get jobs. Goodluck.
2007-09-22 01:49:27 · answer #7 · answered by dave b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes! A 16 year old needs their parents as much as a small child. He needs to know his parents care what he does and how he is doing.
2007-09-22 00:34:14 · answer #8 · answered by butterfly24301 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why you don't talk to him about this problem cos they are your parents and they must be have the obligation to take care and show the problem for you too.
I hope you can talk to your parents about everything that you don't like about their activities ( always go aways from you every weeken)
Good Luck.
2007-09-22 00:37:55 · answer #9 · answered by happy2008 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not OK for your parents to treat your brother (and you) that way. But - you can't change them now.
Resolve to be there for your brother. If you two can build a strong family relationship, it can carry you through the rest of your life.
2007-09-22 00:35:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋