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Im caring for my grandfather who has alzeihmers(earlier stages) He is also not able to walk or do any occupational duties for himself. I moved in a few months ago cause the Doctors were no longer going to allow him in the care of my grandmother alone.. Thats why i came here to basically help and to prevent possibly a nursing home/assisted living. Now when i came back i sat the family down and explained what i was there for. Reason being is i come from a family where my grandfather owns a business. I explained that im strictly here to care for my grandfather and i am not here for the business. Also we made an agreement on $450 a week 4 24-7 care. Now remind you I have my own place and I left my life to assist the family but what has happened is im constantly being asked to work this business.. Im drained emotionaly and physically enough doing the care giving let alone taking on a business.. Am I wrong for this? Am i asking to much money? Just some feed back.. Am i unreasonable.

2007-09-21 14:57:10 · 12 answers · asked by Joe T 1 in Health Mental Health

12 answers

You are not unreasonable.
You put your own life on hold to care for your grandfather.
You took time to explain to the family what you were there for.
Caring for an Alzheimer's patient is VERY time and emotion consuming.

It is highly inappropriate for them to ask you to work the business!
When they ask, simply state " I told you I'm here to care for grandpa only, and NOT to work in the business. What part of that didn't you understand?"
You can also tell them that, if they can't run the business, they should sell it.

I am sure that $450/week is not too much.
To prove it to you, I want you to do the following:
1) call a couple local assisted living facilities and find out what their monthly rate is. Get their flier with their prices listed.
2) call home nursing services. There are several in the phone book. Get them to give you a quote and a flier with prices on home care services for an Alzheimer patient. They have one rate for nursing care and another for home care services. Get fliers with prices on both.

I cannot recall what we paid for my mom's assisted living, or my husband's mom's home care services, but prices vary from state to state and city to city... so you need to know local prices in your current area.

I feel sure you're not charging too much, but I don't know what charges are in your area.

It's commendable that you are willing to care for him, and it IS ... VERY emotionally and physically draining. $450/week is equivalent to $1950/month and I think that facilities are at least $2400 to $3000/mo in most areas. Home care one-on-one is much higher than that.

I think, from what you said, you're being very caring of your grandfather and very helpful to the family, and they really don't understand how hard YOUR job is caring for him.

My opinion is that you were clear and they don't understand how hard your job is. If they can't run the business, then they should sell it. If grandfather is still listed as owner, you need to have him removed as owner since he is incompetent due to his illness.

2007-09-21 15:44:26 · answer #1 · answered by Nedra E 7 · 0 0

Wow I think you're being really selfless and responsible. Why aren't the other family members, many who are probably older than you and more able financially, helping to care for your grandpa? It seems that they are the ones who are in the wrong.

Asissted living care or a nursing home usually costs 2-3,000 a month, depending on whether insurance will cover a portion. Either way, it's expensive. Asking for 450 a week is far less than doing the other options.

You made it very clear that you are there to care for your grandpa and not to be a business owner. Noone seems to respect the decision you made to care for your grandpa and to not be involved with the business.

I did PCA work a while back and there was an instance where I had to deal with parental divorce of the child in addition to the child's own mental illnesses and therapy. After almost 2 years, I quit because I was mentally and physically drained, I felt like I had no life in me. I would rather not see that happen with you, after all you seem to genuinely want to be there for your grandpa.

I think you need to sit down with everyone again and be firm about your decision: you do NOT want to take on the business and you are doing quite a lot by leaving your old life behind to care for your grandpa, because you WANT to. Make it clear that everyone else needs to step up to the plate and do their part, not just for responsibility's sake, but because you're a family.

I also noticed someone here mentioned you shouldn't be getting paid, because you should be taking care of your grandpa out of the goodness in your heart, which I agree with BUT you also need to survive. After all, I'm assuming you left your previous job, correct? Well you need some form of income so you can at least care for yourself as well. But being paid 450 a week for the business isn't enough IMO, especially with being a caregiver.

Make your expectations very clear and good luck. I know what it's like to be a caregiver.

2007-09-21 15:11:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymousgirl 3 · 0 0

First of all, NO you are not asking too much money. To have a live-in assist would cost way more than that.

Secondly, the role of care giver is very taxing. It can completely drain you. Since you said from the beginning that you would not help in the store, you are within your rights to continue along that line.

Have another family meeting, and firmly state that you can be care giver OR business employee, but you CAN NOT do BOTH. If they decide to put you in the business, then move out of their place so that someone else can take the role of care giver.

Good luck,
c-ya

2007-09-21 15:09:47 · answer #3 · answered by bronte heights 6 · 0 0

Well, if you are working the business, I think they are compensating you for that. However, caring for your Grandfather should be (IMHO) out of the goodness of your heart. They aren't charging you rent for staying, are they? Do they charge you for food, electric, etc? Then you are more than ahead with the $450 per week if they don't charge you anything.

You may want to sit Grandma down and explain that you need help with the business as caring for Grandfather AND running the business is getting rather taxing on you and your health. Try that and see if you can maybe hire someone to take the burden of the business off a couple days a week.~

2007-09-21 15:06:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

First of all I commend you for doing this for your grandfather!

about 4 years my father suffered a massive stroke. I had just moved to Miami with my boyfriend, to take my dream job where I was making 4 times the money I had been making in New York.

I got the call at 6:00pm and by 9:00 pm I was on a flight back home with a small overnight bag.

To make a long story short my Dad was in and out of the hospital in need of emergency care for the next 18 months.

My brother and his wife decided that they would not become involved in his care (My brother's a heart surgeon, talk about irony!). I lost my job, my home and almost lost my boyfriend. It has taken me a long time to be able to get back to where I was professionally and in my relationship, but I will tell you this....if I had to, I'd do it again, because when my Dad passed away, I held his hand, and he knew that as he left this earth he was loved.

To answer your questions...

You need to take care of yourself and make sure that you are getting rest, when they ask you to please help out in the business end, you calmly respond "I'm very sorry, you're going to have to make other arrangements, as we've discussed, my here to take care of grandpa, and I have to give him all my time and attention." then you walk away. Leave the room, go sit with your Grandfather, anything, but do not continue the conversation.

Are you asking too much money? Are you kidding? Do you know how much it costs to get 24/7 in home care? and no one will give him the TLC that a family member would.

I know what you're going through...if you ever need some support, just e-mail me.

God bless you!

2007-09-21 15:25:59 · answer #5 · answered by joseygirl 4 · 0 0

I think considering the 24-7 care, $450 is very reasonable. You shouldn't be involved in the business. You are right for just taking on the job of caring for your grandfather. The business is way too much and you need to keep up your strength to take care of him. Don't feel guilty. The family needs to get someone else to run the business. Don't be afraid to take a stand on this. Good luck!

2007-09-21 15:17:32 · answer #6 · answered by MissKathleen 6 · 0 1

If you have no desire to take on the family business, just say no. The business will fail if you don't have the passion and energy to run it correctly. And you should truly look out for your health. You'll do no one any good if you get sick (emotionally or physically). Your Grandfather would probably do better in assisted living - where professionals understand the medical condition of Alzeihmers - if you can afford good care. Best wishes to you - stop feeling guilty.

2007-09-21 15:06:24 · answer #7 · answered by mJc 7 · 0 0

Hun, a good caregiver is worth their way in gold. If you are constantly asked to help in the business, aks the family to make up their minds wether they would like to hire a Senior care agency to take care of your grandparents or some help for the business. Slavery has been outlawed since quite some time and you dont have to start it again. And no, you are not paid too much.

2007-09-21 15:08:07 · answer #8 · answered by petra 5 · 0 0

my grandfather was promised by my mother and i both that we would not let him go to a nursing home when he fell ill with lung cancer. my mother is an LPN and i was a cna yet we were also the only two left in the family. therefore i took a leave of absence from my job, risked loosing my job because fmla(family med leave of absence) only meant immediate family such as yourself, spouse, child, sibling, mother or father only. which is crazy that it excludes grandparents, anyhoo....my mom gave me his monthly social security check which was around what i needed to make ends meet.
yes i was doing it out of the kindness of my heart, but i couldn't loose my house and all my things because of this illness and lack of funds and family.
you are not doing anything wrong! there are so many people that would rather pay family that they know are going to take care of them and see to their needs. rather then be a number, be abused, be neglected for lack of staff and so on.
you still have to take care of your family!
as far as the business goes, tell them that you didn't come there to run the business, you are there to take care of business and see to your grandfather's needs. if they were not so worried about taking care of that business they could be doing their part and giving you some relief! there is only so much you can take before sitting with him 24/7 will mentally bring you down too.
good luck!

2007-09-21 16:51:58 · answer #9 · answered by ♠rock n roll ruby♠ 3 · 1 0

you are being more than reasonable, if they had to hire a professional to come in and care for him, they would be paying on the order of a thousand dollars a week, and a nursing home is even more. Tell them you are not going to take care of the business, that is not what they are paying you for.

2007-09-21 15:10:17 · answer #10 · answered by essentiallysolo 7 · 1 0

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