What should I call my natural mother?

Question

I looking for something to call her aside from her first name.

I just met my natural mother for the first time a few weeks ago. I don't feel comfortable calling her any form of "Mom" just yet. I also don't feel confortable referring my the idiots that raised me Mom and Dad around her. Any suggestions?

I did ask her what she wanted to be called. She said that she didn't feel that me calling her by her first name fit, but she also felt the one coming up with the nickname should be the one who would be using it.

To Robin r:

Unfortunately I can't help you very much - she found me. It also helped that I was born and adopted from Kansas where the records are open after the child turns 18.

Answer 1

mother.

Answer 2

I have exactly the same problem. After 5 years, I still don't feel comfortable with the whole thing. So far, here's how I've handled it:

I have actually found ways to avoid addressing my bio mother directly - she usually knows I am talking to her... On occasion, I've even given her the good ol' hey "you."

When I talk to her about the parents that raised me, I refer to them as "my adoptive parents." And with them, I refer to her as my "biological mother." That's exactly what they are, and this way, at least for me, I don't feel like I'm being untrue or fake with anyone.

There's really no easy answer to this, as I'm sure you know... but just remember to do what feels best for you... if it makes you more comfortable to call her by her first name, then do it. You did not ask to be put where you are, so do what is comfortable for YOU.

I hope this helps some.

Answer 3

I know you said something aside from her first name, but this might be your best choice right now. As your relationship develops between each other, you may find yourself calling her a nickname, or maybe calling her "Mom" later on if you get close enough. There is no need to force a name that you don't particularly like, and that she may not feel comfortable with. Talk with her, let her know where you are coming from.

Answer 4

I would say hold off making a decision until something comes naturally to you. It's only been a few weeks, so Mom may feel natural in a couple of months. Or you may come up with a nickname to do with her name, or something else that feels "right" to you. Perhaps you can call your adoptive parents their first names around your natural mother i.e. "Jim and Sandy" like to eat dinner at 6 p.m.

Answer 5

well i found my real mom but she was dead. i did find and talk to my real dad at one time they were married. i know that my folks were drunks and druggers also. they had 3 girls (me is 3) and that i was given up nearly day i was born i was with my grandma. when i talked to my real dad i coun't call him dad and i didn't. i actually didn't call him nothing i wrote him 30 page letter and stuff telling him how i was raised and thanks for giving me away. as for mom if she'd been alive then i wouldn't have called her mom and i dont' think i could ever do this. in fact in reality they aren't your parents the one that raised and took care of you are your parents. I would call her by her first name if that is my wish and it would have bene and i would call my parents by mom and dad around her. why not its not being mean just real. that is how i am not sure what you would wan tto do but remember who was therefore you regardless of what the reason was. sometimes you do see people that can't really take care of one more and they do. so you see there is reason to justice. i dont' hate and never will but i also feel i am fair and honest and there fore i would be in this case as i see it take care.

Answer 6

Hmmm that's a hard one. When I met my birth mother I asked her what I should call her and she said "I know who I am and I know my first name". I decided to call her mom. I called my adoptive mom mama, so that worked for me.

Maybe you and she can come up with something together,such as a forgien word for mom or friend. I am sure in time the t wo of you will find the word that fits.

Answer 7

sit down are think about what name would fit for her. Like kids pick a name for grandparents and aunts and uncles that is what you need to do. When you think of your biological mother what comes to mind. Would you be comfortable with calling her Mother? Could you pick a nickname for her for her first name that way you aren't necessarily calling her by her first name but you don't have to feel wierd calling her mom either? Basically you need to find what you feel comfortable with. As for your parents just refer to them as your parents. You don't have to call them mom and dad around her just say "my parents". I have heard plenty of people refer to their mom and dad that way in these situations because that is what they are, your parents. It may take awhile before you feel comfortable calling your biomom mom but it also may come faster than you thought and it is ok to have 2 moms or 2 dads or whatever.

Answer 8

I am a birth mother and my daughter calls me by my 1st name. it wouldnt feel fitting if she called me Mom since her adoptive Mom earned that name (I was only 16 when she was born)

if you both dont like the 1st name thing, try something more endearing like whatever she would want to be called as a grandmother - Mimi..Meme or something close to that using the 1st initial of her first name.

Answer 9

I would call her by her first name, until I felt comfortable enough to call her something else that just came naturally.

I'm a birth mother, so if the day ever comes that my daughter wants a relationship with me, I would introduce myself as my first name and she could call me anything she wanted as time passed.

Answer 10

I like the idea of using a different language to call her "Ma" or "Mom". I also understand not wanting to call her by her first name. What if you used the nick name "Angel"? I feel that my son's bio-parents are true "angels" because they gave us the gift of a family by creating an adoption plan for their son. Since "Angel" can be considered a female name, it might be a suggestion that would work for you if you felt the same way.

Good luck.

Answer 11

I like the idea another poster gave about finding a version of mom in a different language.