What's the best way to handle or respond to peo. who stare at or gossip ab. you on the trains?

Question

In other public spaces too. Truthfully, here in NY most people pretty much mind their own business, but every now and then I (we) come across peo. who think it is their right or written in their job description to openly put other peo. down. Usu. I can bless them, ignore them or detach by minding my own business, and the rude behavior stops or they go away. But last night I got fed up and openly looked up from my book and just returned the gaze. Meaning I watched this couple who just wouldn't cut it out. I watched them as they were gossiping ab. me, without hostility, more like an extraterrestrial observing human life forms, or a teacher stopping class to watch a student who is talking or text-messaging dur. class. Thinking the whole time: "Do you mind...?" They cut it out. They both looked ashamed. But now, strangely, I am wondering if there is a better way to handle these type of situations? I hate this. Any ideas?

To the person who thinks I should cut them some slack if there is anything "unusual" ab. me or if I am not "normal," what ever that is: Compassion for them may be due, but no one, and I mean no one, deserves to be harassed in public, and no one has the right to do this. Bullying is on the rise, and a dialogue such as this one ab. nonviolent forms of resistance is long overdue. I hope you will think ab. this and cut it out if you have been engaging in this kind of supposedly "normal" behavior. Peace to you.

Answer 1

Every one should note that none is free from criticism or gossip either in the train or public. People criticize for two reasons - either they are envying you or condemning. This should not bother us at all since it is a global or general problem. Whenever one noticed that, people are talking about them, one need to gaze at them for them to be convinced that, you are aware of their gossip or criticism. But then, that will not stop it permanently. It is a thing of continuity.

Answer 2

I say to hell with other people's issues toward your relationship. If you don't have a problem with it then there is no problem- you've got to think of it that way and get a tough skin- mind over matter...You don't mind and they don't matter. Also why not discuss with your friends as to why they think you can do better? Does it have anything to do with the color of his skin? If so- you don't need friends like that. Also, explain to you family that your happiness is their happiness and vise versa. Explain that it makes you upset that they can't be happy for you. You can't change people's prejudices in a day but you can work on them for the future. If it really bothers the two of you, the next time someone stares at you or begins whispering when you enter a room make them embarrassed- go into a lip lock or simply say "take a picture. it lasts longer", out loud.

Answer 3

I know! What is wrong with some people! The same thing has happened to me before. I usuallly get up and move, but if that's not possible, or if I do and they keep staring, sometimes I just give them a really dirty look and stare back at them. That tends to make them stop. People have nerve. I'd sure like to know if there's a better way to handle these people too!

Answer 4

What you did was great. I would have done the same thing except after staring at the w/o expression for a bit I would have very slowly smiled (no teeth showing) then gone back to what I was doing while every so often glancing up and having a tiny little smile on your lips.
Think about it. If somebody did that to you wouldn't it creep you out? You'd be wondering what they were thinking and wondering if maybe they were crazy.

Answer 5

The very same thing happened to me the other day, and believe it or not, I also thought about posting about it on yanswers! I was just too lazy to do all the typing ;)

I did the same thing as you - only that in my case it did not work!! That couple did not stop. I really felt they were extraterrestials, because who else would not notice that they were being rude.

I am very interested in any other suggestions as well!

Answer 6

I dont think, this is the best way 2 handle itt.

Next time someone stares, or they stare,, if they stil get the same trainn as youu, look up from your book a couple of times, then say, (politely,mindd)).." Can I help you?"
Smile at them when they say nothing, if they carry on staring, say to them,
"Your obvious interest in me is actually distracting me from my book so I may just go and sit elsewhere."

They'll feel bad if thye;dd have any heartt!!xx..;;l;l

Answer 7

I have never, EVER, had such a thing happen. Is there something unusual about you? If so, then you ought to cut them some lack, as you are just asking for attention anyway, and are receiving it. If you are just normal looking and acting, as you come across in your question, perhaps they were admiring something about you?
In any case, I suppose if you were uncomfortable, your response to them was a good as any. Took guts to do, I'll grant you that. LOL

Answer 8

It's best not to say anything - you don't know who they are or if they might have a weapon - a lot of weirdos ride the subway. They are probably trying to taunt you looking for a fight. Just read a book and mind your own business.

Answer 9

If you get pissed off you can get off at the next station and board the next train. If you can't do that then just sleep or pretend to be asleep and let them do their thing.

Answer 10

Keep your dignity. Don't stoop to that level by participating. Just ignore and continue being nice and civil to everyone.