The pregnancy was not intended. He asked me to get an abortion, but I couldn't do it. WE weren't careful, but he goes around telling everyone I set him up and that I should have gotten the abortion because I knew he had 4 kids already. I accept responsibility for not being careful, but I don't feel like I should be taking this from him.
What do I do/What can I say so that he'll get a grip and be a man?
He is a great father to the children he has, and I don't doubt he'll do the same with this one but what do I do to demand his respect? I jsut can't take it anymore, everyone knows pregnancy is a struggle in it's own...
2007-09-21 10:07:31 · 12 answers · asked by Cita 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
We are not together...and he knows flat out that this baby is coming.
2007-09-21 10:17:20 · update #1
No, he's not married and I did toss the idea of abortion around in my head -- I just didn't have the heart to do it.
2007-09-21 10:19:59 · update #2
I even tossed up the idea of adoption and brought it up to him. He said HELL NO, that he'd rather care for it and have me pay child support. This is not my first child, either. I have one and I am a responsible mother. I didn't make thee most responsible decision, but I'm being a woman. All of this is why I wonder what his deal is and what is going on in his head...I'm sure I'll never know. At least I know he's a jerk early on instead of after the baby comes. Thanks to everyone who answered, and who will answer.
2007-09-21 10:55:40 · update #3
You're going to have to stand up to him. Seriously. Sit him down, and tell him you will NOT stand for this type of treatment, and if he continues it, he can kiss your a*s and there's the door!!!
There's no reason for him to treat you like it's your fault. You didn't climb on top of yourself and get pregnant - there were two there, knowing EXACTLY what risk you were taking, and what precautions you DIDN'T take to prevent it. Therefore, it happened, it's done, and those are the lessons we learn about having sex. Period. He should not pressure you to do something you don't want to do. Simple as that. And you need to tell him all this.
I am 36 weeks along with a son, and the father of my child is a 35-year-old man with another 9 year-old child from another marriage, and he split already, leaving me to take care of my child on my own. You think for a second I will not go after him for child support? Hell no! He's got to pay every last dime .... and he does what your guy does - deliberately says things to hurt me to make me feel like the situation is all my fault (as if he was such a great man that I wanted to "trap" him to begin with - yeah right) and I will NOT stand for it. All it does is make me more pi*sed, and that's good for me and my son, bad for the father. And you wanna hear something funny? I was on BC when I got pregnant! So.......
It's time for you to be stern! You can do it alone. Women do it every day, and raise wonderful, respectful children. You need to basically pretend he doesn't exist, until it's time to go after him for child support (which is after the baby is born) ... too bad for him he's got 4 others - he should quit f*ckin, or get a vasectomy!
Good luck... email me if you need to talk more - I've been there, and I've had to become strong for my son.. ... I don't mind lending some emotional support!!!
2007-09-21 10:17:54 · answer #1 · answered by Impavidsoul 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If the father doesn't want to man up and you don't want to be a single mother, adoption might be a really good option for you. I have seen many lives change for the better because of this loving act. There are SO many couples out there that want to have kids that cannot that you take in a child and love it like their own. If you really love your child one of the hardest but possibly most selfless and loving decisions you could ever make is to give the baby up for adoption. I know that this would be so hard, but you need to realize that things aren't just about you and the father anymore. There is an innocent little life that is being created inside you as we speak. It is worth looking into anyway. Good luck and God bless no matter how this turns out.
2007-09-21 10:50:26 · answer #2 · answered by Krissy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"What do I do/What can I say so that he'll get a grip and be a man? "
Not much. He's already done the "be a man" part, that's the problem. He may feel you set him up or he may just be saying mean things to get back at you.
If he thinks it was a setup - then it's his fault he didn't take precautions. If he's got a 4 kids, he knows where babies come from and how to avoid them. Especially if he is paying support for the 4, he knows WHY he sould take precautions. OTOH, tell everyone if you really meant to set a guy up, it wouldn't be one who can only afford 1/5 of regular child support.
If he's just being mean - then that's his personality and not much is going to change it. Either he'll calm down and accept it (make him grovel with apologies) or he'll always be the A*****e he is.
You can't MAKE people do what you think they should do, you can only live your own life.
2007-09-21 10:29:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anon 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing by not getting rid of your unborn child, not many people are willing to take the responsibility. I would the father of your child that you didnt get pregnant by your self and that everything happens for a reason. If he isnt willing to be a man and take care of his child thats his problem. your already a great mother by keeping your baby. You will find someone who will help you and be a bigger man than he was.
PS
Abortion doesnt get rid of your baby it just makes you a mother of dead baby
2007-09-21 10:19:11 · answer #4 · answered by justinsparents 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ask him how he would feel if he did not have his other children? If he cares about his other children like you say he does, then he might understand how you feel. This is not all your fault, he has four children already and knew how to create them, if he did not want anymore children he should of thought of protection. He is being one sided, this is your 1st child and should not be thinking about himself, but about you and the baby if he really loves you. If you can't get his respect kick him to the curb because you can do better.
2007-09-21 10:28:43 · answer #5 · answered by steph 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow this is tough. I know for sure that you do not need the added stress of his negativity. Stick with your decision to not have an abortion. You can hope that he will come around after the baby is born but I am thinking you are better off without him...He isn't married is he?
2007-09-21 10:16:49 · answer #6 · answered by lcplyr7 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you serious? If this guy is asking for you to have an abortion than he really doesn't want to be the father if this kid. If you want him to respect that tell him and say I am not having an abortion. If he dumps you i would have to say good riddance. You don't need a man to treat you like that.
2007-09-21 10:15:17 · answer #7 · answered by Tay C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who cares what he says. He chose to not use a condom, so he's pretty stupid himself. Go to court and get child support after the baby is born. The man has no respect for women, I don't know why you thought you would be any different.
2007-09-21 10:15:27 · answer #8 · answered by CarbonDated 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have your baby and raise it with lots of love. Either he will come around or he won't show your baby and everyone else how much you care and take care of responsibilties. And trust me judgements will differ once they see you being a wonderful loving mother and him pointing fingers. Congrats! and best of luck!
2007-09-21 10:20:19 · answer #9 · answered by Crystal B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want the baby, keep it. If he is there or not. He doesnt have to do anything to be there for the kid you can just take him to court and get child support if he is not willing to thelp you.
2007-09-21 12:28:28 · answer #10 · answered by Brianna'sMomma 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋